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Also, I noticed these girls tended to be more sensitive to teasing especially to somebody who hadn't learned and accepted the pecking order. If I said one thing "wrong" it was held against me. Not that girls could handle teasing. They could because I heard them teasing each other but following a pecking order.
This impacted me negatively mainly because nobody in my family could explain these matters to me and when I did try to bring up the subject, it was shut down with me being called a "wimp" or "baby cry". This shot my confidence. Not having my confidence pretty much meant that I was spending more time trying too hard to say the right thing which resulted in saying things that were stupid.
Anyway, I spent my remaining public school years having boys as friends. Which had impact then and now. I did well in manufacturing environments where men mainly worked. I also did well in office environments as long as I kept my mouth shut. However, I often noticed that when I did say something "rude" I had to apologize quickly.
This also has impacted me in my private life when trying to get along with females. I try to be funny and then *it seems that everyone gives the look* to each other. After that, I just shut up and put up with the the same topic of conversations, e.g. baby sleep habits, diaper rash ointments, who haven't we seen in a long time, look what I got at a great price.
Here is my final observation: When I say something questionable, it receives silence or looks. When somebody else, who clearly knows the "rules", or has some other quality that is desired or has been a friend longer, says something questionable, it receives laughs.
A perfect example is an in-law who seemed to take offense to what ever I said. For example, I say, "oh, cool, that monkey is trained to find fruit." She answers in a snappy way, "Maybe the monkey doesn't like it." Yet, when her brother-in-law, somebody she only met once before, called my husband a gay slur, she laughed.
Here is my final thought: I have learned to be more confident. I have learned that I have to be choosy about my friends. I have learned that it is okay for me to make mistakes and if somebody uses my mistakes against me, they are not worth being nice to or friends with.
I have very few "good" friends as a result of this thinking and I am making progress in just being socially competent in everyday conversations. I no longer live in anger of the past or in fear at the future. In the end, what I want is what I got and if I don't have what I want, I have to start making different choices now.
Thanks for participating and reading.--Crisan
I love this post. I have had a similar experience growing up. In school I realized that I was close to the bottom of the pecking order, so I felt that I had to be more mindful of everything that I did, while others were able to get away with "murder" because of their place in the social hierarchy.
I have also had this same thing happen to me in the workplace, especially in those workplaces that are very informal and have the popular alpha female who feels like she is running the show and everyone else. In one of my past jobs, I actually said something back to the alpha female, after putting up with months of her torment, and off course I got that "look" that you mentioned, of "how dare you cross me". I'm so sick of that hypocritical kind of mentality. Quite frankly, I didn't even apologize for my behavior. I felt that if she is allowed to do and say what she wants, then I shouldn't be raked over the coals for finally saying something that she might not like. If she didn't like the fact that I was finally getting a voice, when dealing with her, then too bad for her.
I also agree that it is defnitely ok to make mistakes, and anyone who tries to hold those mistakes over someones head, usually for manipulative, controlling purposes, is not worth the effort to be nice to or to remain friendly with that person.
I'm not really an introvert but I don't have many friends, except for a few close friends.
Most of the time, I enjoy meeting people but I don't really enjoy following through (I honestly find most people kinda boring after we get past all the superficial stuff.) It's easy for me to make a good impression meeting new people and it's easy to keep up with my close friends.. but making the transition from a new contact to a close friend is nearly impossible.
It astounds me, in this thread there are high earners, Ivy League graduates, and yet you can't understand that people are different, and don't have an exact character/mentality to you?
What is nonsense is that my thread astounds you. Is this the only thread you have read in the relationships folder?
I make observations, I ask questions, I receive good advice, I change my behavior, I make new observations, I may have new questions, I may arrive at a new place psychologically, my original OP may not matter to me any more but to others it may.
You try to make me sound shallow but in fact you are the one with your high earners and Ivy Leaguers.
What astounds me is that you think a person should not be allowed to do this. Next.
What is nonsense is that my thread astounds you. Is this the only thread you have read in the relationships folder?
I make observations, I ask questions, I receive good advice, I change my behavior, I make new observations, I may have new questions, I may arrive at a new place psychologically, my original OP may not matter to me any more but to others it may.
You try to make me sound shallow but in fact you are the one with your high earners and Ivy Leaguers.
What astounds me is that you think a person should not be allowed to do this. Next.
lol... I baulked since the only reason given for the questioning of introverts is because people don't understand them, or feel comfortable around them. Others don't exist for their comfort or wellbeing. It doesn't stem from a mature or healthy attitude.
It astounds me, in this thread there are high earners, Ivy League graduates, and yet you can't understand that people are different, and don't have an exact character/mentality to you?
This is a chat forum, and he/she does have the right to pose such questions, AND to seek answers to said questions, from whomever wishes to spend the time and resources to answer them...
What astounds ME is the knowledge that the Land Of HighAndMightyVille is experiencing a population boom...in plain English, I don't get why some folk figure it's their right and privilege to get a crick in their neck from looking down their upturned noses at other people...
I'm quite sure the OP realizes that people are indeed different...but he doesn't need to be talked down to like a petulant child because you didn't like either his questions, or the manner in which he phrased them, neither of which, quiet as it's kept, are your call
This is a chat forum, and he/she does have the right to pose such questions, AND to seek answers to said questions, from whomever wishes to spend the time and resources to answer them...
What astounds ME is the knowledge that the Land Of HighAndMightyVille is experiencing a population boom...in plain English, I don't get why some folk figure it's their right and privilege to get a crick in their neck from looking down their upturned noses at other people...
I'm quite sure the OP realizes that people are indeed different...but he doesn't need to be talked down to like a petulant child because you didn't like either his questions, or the manner in which he phrased them, neither of which, quiet as it's kept, are your call
So how do introverts meet other introverts when we'd both rather stay at home?
Thats a bad idea. If introverts start getting together their is a great danger that they will reproduce. Thus having introverts squared. In of itself, being square is not really bad. Though having to serve as the butt of jokes and wedgies there is little harm to humanity. But, and this is really important!! If those square introverts should hook up (I know the improbability of that is enormous) there is the possibility of Introvert cubed, otherwise know as the Super Villain.
The world can no longer tolerate the Super Villains like it did in the early days. Heros are in short supply and are usually busy giving speeches and farewell tours. They have no time for anything else. The devastation of these cubed introverts cause is something the Society of Introverts must work against. Thus Introverts are not allowed to associate with fellow introverts. For the good of all.
Thats a bad idea. If introverts start getting together their is a great danger that they will reproduce. Thus having introverts squared. In of itself, being square is not really bad. Though having to serve as the butt of jokes and wedgies there is little harm to humanity. But, and this is really important!! If those square introverts should hook up (I know the improbability of that is enormous) there is the possibility of Introvert cubed, otherwise know as the Super Villain.
The world can no longer tolerate the Super Villains like it did in the early days. Heros are in short supply and are usually busy giving speeches and farewell tours. They have no time for anything else. The devastation of these cubed introverts cause is something the Society of Introverts must work against. Thus Introverts are not allowed to associate with fellow introverts. For the good of all.
You sound like a tolerant person.
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Once Again...Nevertheless---
