Someone Please Help me (guys, older, kids, divorced)
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I just cant up and divorce someone. Myabe you think it's easy. for me it's not. I will try to talk to her more and see where we can go or how we can improve the marriage. divorce isnt the answer for everything. I dont think it is. Im sure some would agree.
I agree with you. You can always get a divorce. Stick it out and try counseling, at least you will feel good that you tried EVERYTHING to save your marriage.
I agree with you. You can always get a divorce. Stick it out and try counseling, at least you will feel good that you tried EVERYTHING to save your marriage.
Yes, but no counselor can get her to stop loving another man. That is a game-changer.
My wife I have been with for 5 years and I are fighting alot. Ive only been married to her for 1 year. over the time she will say "she needs to find herself" and she needs wants to leave me. I recentley found out that she still talks to her former first love bf she had for 4 years.
she says she still loves him and has feelings for him. and he always texts her and she use to lie about it. but now she came clean and told me she loved him. she always goes back and fourth between the two of us. but now she is married to me. she dosent want a divorce nor do I. we are both 23. this man lives in another state. but it still bothers the heck out of me. I thought once we were married that would be the end of him. but it's not. I dont know what to do. we have a house, no kids... I love my wife very much. but this is very tough to hear her say she loves another man. What do you guys think is going on here?
No offense. I know this is a rough time emotionally but I would slap the sh-it out of myself and end it! Just saying what I would do.
You are right in most cases, you should try to work things out, you are in a unique situation...your wife is in love with another man. Counseling isn't going to change that, but at the ripe old age of 23 you still think you know everything. The majority of people here who have way more life experience than you have said "This is over" I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's true. Also people on this forum are usually all about trying to work things out but you don't have something to work out. For you divorce is inevitable, but me or anyone else telling you that won't convince you. You'll have to learn this one the hard way.
BINGO - you said it all.
He came here looking for advice, and we have given it to him. If they don't get into counseling THIS WEEK he is a fool for staying. And if she gets pregnant in the middle of all this that will increase his pain exponentially when she walks out on him (which she will in six months or six years).
I dont think I know everything. what I do know is that I am trying every last thing NOT to get a divorce. and yes In a way Im afraid to be alone again a little bit. I hate dating. I have faith in god that everything will play out. she says she dosent want to be with this guy because she is married. she confuses me at times.
Im reading every single post that you guys are nice enough to put up here. and taking everything into account.
From experience I will tell you this: give her her space. Find yourself something to keep your mind busy to get her off your head and let her be. Believe me, it works.
I dont think I know everything. what I do know is that I am trying every last thing NOT to get a divorce. and yes In a way Im afraid to be alone again a little bit. I hate dating. I have faith in god that everything will play out. she says she dosent want to be with this guy because she is married. she confuses me at times.
Im reading every single post that you guys are nice enough to put up here. and taking everything into account.
I admire that you're willing to fight for your marriage, but she has to be willing to fight for it too...and whatever you do, DO NOT have a baby with her. A child will not solve your problems...at all.
Im going to try to stick this out for awhile and potentially ask for counsling. I work 2 jobs and she works just 1. yes I work about 13 hours a day. but thats because we can afford nice things like our house and cars. Im doing it for her
I have an extra job just so she can have insurance because I love her. At times I think she's commited, but then when she's around her divorced and single co-workers I think that they influence her. not to be married. But at times I think she wants a single life.
First off I'm really sorry you are in this situation. Please listen to this next sentence. Come closer. DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HER AT THIS TIME, AND THEN WAIT ONE (1) YEAR AFTER THIS IS SETTLED (IF IT CAN BE). You are out busting your hump working two (2) jobs to do right by her and this is how you are appreciated? Yes by all means go to counseling, but loose the second job (unless it is necessary). This will give you more time to be at home connecting with her emotionally, so there will be no need for her to talk to the other guy. The only other thing I will caution you is that it means you have to do more listening, and not necessarily fix everything she says is wrong. Men fall into that trap all the time, and the end result is they (women) find someone who will just listen to them (my guess is that this is possibly one of the reasons why she still talks to the ex-boyfriend, and why she is "confused" which I think is a lame excuse for doing something she knows damn well she shouldn't. Just ask yourself if the roles were reversed would you get this kind of understanding from her?) Good luck to you.
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That is a game-changer.
