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My wife I have been with for 5 years and I are fighting alot. Ive only been married to her for 1 year. over the time she will say "she needs to find herself" and she needs wants to leave me. I recentley found out that she still talks to her former first love bf she had for 4 years.
she says she still loves him and has feelings for him. and he always texts her and she use to lie about it. but now she came clean and told me she loved him. she always goes back and fourth between the two of us. but now she is married to me. she dosent want a divorce nor do I. we are both 23. this man lives in another state. but it still bothers the heck out of me. I thought once we were married that would be the end of him. but it's not. I dont know what to do. we have a house, no kids... I love my wife very much. but this is very tough to hear her say she loves another man. What do you guys think is going on here?
It sounds like she's not ready to be married. I think you need to get some marriage counseling if you don't want a divorce. But maybe a trial separation would be a good thing.
My wife I have been with for 5 years and I are fighting alot. Ive only been married to her for 1 year. over the time she will say "she needs to find herself" and she needs wants to leave me. I recentley found out that she still talks to her former first love bf she had for 4 years.
she says she still loves him and has feelings for him. and he always texts her and she use to lie about it. but now she came clean and told me she loved him. she always goes back and fourth between the two of us. but now she is married to me. she dosent want a divorce nor do I. we are both 23. this man lives in another state. but it still bothers the heck out of me. I thought once we were married that would be the end of him. but it's not. I dont know what to do. we have a house, no kids... I love my wife very much. but this is very tough to hear her say she loves another man. What do you guys think is going on here?
It sounds like she is in an Emotional Affair with him. I was in one and they are addictive and can really mess up your mind with regards to how you feel about the person you are with. I would suggest reading up on them online so you understand them. For women, it is really hard to break these off & I know because I was in one. She is probably hoping this other guy is going to be there for her if she leaves you but often that does not work out.
I guess I would ask her if she is willing to go to marriage counseling and maybe give her information on Emotional Affairs so she understands more about them. Also, the only way you really have a chance is if she completely breaks off the relationship w/the guy. It doesn't matter if she isn't seeing him -- even an email or text can start the feelings all over again. If she absolutely won't do this I would suggest that you separate. That might give her the opportunity to "feel" free & see what happens w/this guy. Most likely it isn't going to work out and she might want another chance with you.
I know it hurts and honestly, its almost a drug so it is really hard for her to break . I wish you luck.
I never heard od an emotional relationship. but I guess it's true. she told me she was ready for marriage, but your right she says she thinks about him. he always texts and e mails hersaying that he loves her. and EVERYTIME it works with him.
It really hurt my feelings she she told him that she loved him and still has feelings for him. she said I dont deserve her. What am I suppose to do though? she says counsling will not work with us. she confuses me soo much.
My wife I have been with for 5 years and I are fighting alot. Ive only been married to her for 1 year. over the time she will say "she needs to find herself" and she needs wants to leave me. I recentley found out that she still talks to her former first love bf she had for 4 years.
she says she still loves him and has feelings for him. and he always texts her and she use to lie about it. but now she came clean and told me she loved him. she always goes back and fourth between the two of us. but now she is married to me. she dosent want a divorce nor do I. we are both 23. this man lives in another state. but it still bothers the heck out of me. I thought once we were married that would be the end of him. but it's not. I dont know what to do. we have a house, no kids... I love my wife very much. but this is very tough to hear her say she loves another man. What do you guys think is going on here?
What is going on here is that sadly you are married to a little girl who was not ready for the committment of marriage.
At this point, unless she is highly motivated to leave this guy alone and go to some counseling, both marriage and individual, there is no hope for your marriage to survive.
Be smart - don't let this thing drag out. Seek the wise counsel of older mentors or adults in your life that you trust. Personally, I would tell her it's counseling and some effort on her part or you are filing for divorce. Sorry this has happened to you
What is going on here is that sadly you are married to a little girl who was not ready for the committment of marriage.
At this point, unless she is highly motivated to leave this guy alone and go to some counseling, both marriage and individual, there is no hope for your marriage to survive.
Be smart - don't let this thing drag out. Seek the wise counsel of older mentors or adults in your life that you trust. Personally, I would tell her it's counseling and some effort on her part or you are filing for divorce. Sorry this has happened to you
Agree with this ^^^^^^
I'm so sorry this is happening to you It sounds like she was never honest about how she felt about her ex and think she is an awful person for marrying (or even being in a relationship with) you when she had these unresolved feelings for her ex. Try the counseling route, but if she won't agree or she continues contact with the ex it is probably best to separate or divorce, as painful as it will be for you and as much as you love her.
hard to say, sounds like you are suffering alot. there are people that have sex and love addictions, its always at least a triange for them--the minute they pair off with just one person, the relationship fails. get counseling.
also sex and love addicts anon 12 step.
I love my wife very much. she says she wants a family, but after this sometimes im scared to have one with her. because I dont know whats going to happen next. I thought when she was 18 she would be like this. but I figured when she is 23 she should be more mature..... but thats not the case at all.
It kills me to even think divorce. I dont want one and she says she dosent want one either, I just am lost for words. It's very hurtful and I have a stomach ache because of it. I hate feeling this way. I just want a happy ending.
I love my wife very much. she says she wants a family, but after this sometimes im scared to have one with her. because I dont know whats going to happen next. I thought when she was 18 she would be like this. but I figured when she is 23 she should be more mature..... but thats not the case at all.
It kills me to even think divorce. I dont want one and she says she dosent want one either, I just am lost for words. It's very hurtful and I have a stomach ache because of it. I hate feeling this way. I just want a happy ending.
Sounds like you have some growing up to do too - and I don't mean that to sound insulting okay?
But happy endings don't just happen - they take lots of planning, work and sacrifice on the part of BOTH partners.
I will restate my advice - either get her committment to seek individual AND couples therapy or let her go. This kind of thing never just "goes away" or gets better without professional help and a lot of maturity. You are in over your head and need wise counsel immediately.
I don't think it would be a good idea to start a family because, unfortunately, I don't see how this marriage can last long term.
From what you have said it is obvious you are in love with her.
But sadly she has confessed to still loving someone else.
Unless she wakes up and realizes who really cares and wants a solid future with her, and returns those feelings specifically to you, I don't see a happy or long lasting future with her.
Bringing children into the equation won't help. The chidren will end up being the victims of circumstance.
I wish you well. But you have to accept the facts. She already told you that you don't deserve her. That is quite an emphatic statement.
Think with your brain and not just with your heart.
I was married to a girl that I thought if I ever lost her I wouldn't want to keep on living. We were both young and I did lose her to the party and drug crowd.
I wanted to make a home and future. She wanted the fun and late night excitement.
Eventualy I married the woman who is the love of my life. We raised 6 kids, both worked hard, and been together for almost 30 years.
We have had a good life and will be together untill death do us part.
Sometimes the first one isn't always the right one.
Don't give up on your future even if it doesn't involve the one you are with now.
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