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Just adding: as for single mothers... well they tend to put out so guys go after them.
As for depenent or needy women, some men really like a woman who needs him. It makes him feel wanted/important/powerful which appeals to his mandhood. I like women who need me over a "strong and independent powerful woman."
Hi Ameiko,
What is wrong with Madeleine Albright? She is strong, independent and powerful....very convenient.
Who wants needy co-dependence? The girl below is pleading with her eyes and my instinct is to burst like a boil and think "go do it yourself". Why would I want her to need anything from me? Why would I want her to depend on me?
You're using the words "worthless" and "undesireable" interechangably when they're not interechangeable. A girl can have negative traits and still be desirable for many different reasons.
One reason is that they might be super hot and if they didn't have a lot of baggage and were well adjusted they wouldn't consider going out with the guy so they think they have a better chance with someone who's
"damaged".
Or they genuinely don't care about things that other people would consider undesirable or red flags, they just simply fell in love with the person for themselves.
Or they see the woman as weak and easily taken advantage of.
In general, I agree with your fiance and friend. Guys went after "worthless" women and not you because they were easier. Plain and simple.
I was referring to the 20-something male set when I ask this. I used to have a friend (no longer a friend, long story) who would debate this issue with me. I spent SO MUCH of my 20s wondering why I couldn't get a guy to give me the time of day...Now Im no longer single and over it, but sometimes I find myself reminiscing about the past alot i.e. "my single days" My single days were not happy because i felt I was not sought after. I saw guys my age going after women that I felt had nothing to offer someone. They were *******, dependent women, needy women, wom en with three kids by two different dads (is that possible? LOL) women who did drugs, worked as strippers, etc. So my question is what is it about worthless women that attracts twenty something men? I don't know. I asked my fiance and he said "It is because you're not easy. You've got values." My girl-friend at the time miught have said something similar. I am 32 right now. I ask this question not to bash men but because I'd like to get some answers on why guys never looked at me in my 20s much ( I did have what you call "platonic friends".) Yes I know I have heard men say that women are attracted to losers when they are young. There are worlds of men who will claim that women are attracted to worthless men when they are young, I know. Id just like some enlightenment on why society is the way it is. Thanks.
There were probably some guys interested in you but you weren't interested in them. (Maybe they were really shy or you blew them off because they were ugly\nerdy etc.)
Your attitude at the time, lack of confidence etc. could all hurt your situation.
To the OP. I should also add that the dating scene constantly changes as you age.
This is true male or female.
In your 20's career, life goals don't matter so much...it's more focused on looks and being cool. (ie. the good looking boyfriend in the band that works at subway or the hot but crazy gf) Girls generally dominate the dating scene.
30's gets serious because you have a high % of kid involvment and you are dealing with a dating pool that is a bit more thinned out and wary having been burned in thier 20's, already divorced once etc. Being able to pull your own weight financially has become VERY IMPORTANT.
The dating scene is balancing out but girls still hold more power generally.
40's is similar to the 30's but with older kids. The 40's is also where health problems start to emerge and where exercise and fitness make a huge difference in looks. There is a wide variety of people out there to date. This is also the age where the dating scene actually tips in the guys favor imo. (Mortality and other factors at work.)
>50 whole other world but seems like finances (facing retirement) and health play an increasing role. Guys power in the dating scene, especially if they are reasonably healthy....steadily increases as ther rivals die off.
Men are often visual and undesirable women tend to be those who satisfies a man eyes. As far as women being attracted to undesirable men. The undesirable men, (known as jerks) are more aggressive and that tends to attract women more than they want to be attracted to them.
Why do so many of us like soda, cakes, and other recreational snacks?
Because they satisfy our short term desires. In the long run, we actually don't want those because of the breakdown of our bodies they tend to cause.
Same with undesirable women/men, people are attracted to those types because they satisfy short term lusts, but the heartache and abuse often exceeds the worth of the pleasure.
I never understood why any guy would take care of a single mom's children. 90% of them are users who are looking for a guy whose willing to take up the slack of the lazy f**ker they bred with. Unless the woman is a widow, I refuse to get involved with any woman who has a kid, their bastard children are not my responsibility, as long as the father alive its his problem not mine. I know that sounds mean-spirited but its the truth lol.
I'm guessing a lot of guys have low standards and are happy to get any female attention no matter what the situation is or how dumb or irresponsible the woman is.
Last edited by RamCharger1985; 03-15-2010 at 02:59 PM..
My girlfriend and I went to the movies. She saw this guy with a big girl and tried to get his attention. I said, he don't want you. It's obvious he like women with meat on their bones. She said, he can do so much better.
Some women always think, because an attractive guy is with a woman, he can do better with you. In your eyes she's unattractive.
Hello, Ladies!! Get over yourselves! You ever thought it could be ME!
Thanks guys. Great posts and all dead on. My girl-friend at the time always said the same thing, and I think I am influenced by her opinion. She thinks I will hit a "peak" of desireability at 35 (not sexual peak, she just means be more sought after. We shall see. My fiance is 43 and his ex-wife, he admits, was the dependent type that I and she say men go after when they are young. Actually I think that why "dependent" women are sought after young is basically Darwinian. Dependent women invite men to take care of them, provide them with resources, etc. A rudimentary fact. But the ironic thing is that when I was in my early 20s I still lived at home. I also didn't get my drivers liscense til about 24. Sounds dependent in a way, yes? But I just consider my self a late bloomer. But the Darwinian example might be why smart and successful women say that they feel like they "indimidate men". My 2 cents...
There is a website in which a guy is complaining bitterly about being in the "friend zone" alot when he was younger:
www.the-nice-guy.com or something like that. just google "nice guy" or something.
It seems a little derogatory, in the way the man is bashing American women, but he makes a good point.
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