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I will be 40 in a little over a week, and I have a "special acquaintance" who is 26. I have to say he has never behaved in a childish manner at all.
I suspect that what he finds attractive about the situation is that with me he has a safe haven for sexual exploration. He knows that I am obviously sexually open and comfortable (if I weren't, I would not be there) and would never act shy, silly or awkward about a sexual request. And he knows for sure that there will never be any drama or demands of something more - no matter how much I enjoy it, I am not dreaming of introducing him to my mother. I will never stare at his Facebook page wondering where he is, what he's doing and who he might be doing it with. And I think he really likes talking to me about the various issues in his life, family things, work things etc. Whenever I spend the night over there, we spend a hour or so the next morning drinking coffee and talking - actually, I let him do the talking and I mostly listen. He seems to really enjoy that, and I like being helpful.
This is beautifully put. Especially the "safe haven" description. I think a young man with a cougar may be looking for a sexual AND friend relationship with an older woman. None of the young-girl drama, and the older woman can be an excellent, giving partner in more ways than one. I've noticed, though, that the man in such relationships is usually mature for his age. The cougar is not going to stand for a silly young boy, no matter how long he can go in the sack. That's not all that the relationship is about.
I live in Scottsdale, the land where the cougar was invented. We have a plethera of attractive single women who are between 40 and 50. And like Onglet, they have no problem finding 25 to 35 year old men at the gym who have no kids and will bang them all day long.
Perfect match? Hardly.
That 26 year old isn't going to marry you in this lifetime or the next. And once you have pixxed away your 40's on a guy with no future, it can make for some dam lonely 50's and 60's as your options have suddenly dwindled.
[quote=wanneroo;13400602]It can depending on someones outlook or be the opposite. I have a lady friend I've had for 10 years as we have a mutual interest and just get along. She is now 65 but stays very fit and active and has no problem attracting men in the 50-75 year old bracket. I think you just have to adjust your expectations upwards. At 60 you are not going to be snagging 25 year olds.[/quote]
It's not what he is looking for, it's what he is trying to avoid. He does not want a relationship or commitment or anything. Just plain sex without strings. Can't say I blame him.
This is beautifully put. Especially the "safe haven" description. I think a young man with a cougar may be looking for a sexual AND friend relationship with an older woman. None of the young-girl drama, and the older woman can be an excellent, giving partner in more ways than one. I've noticed, though, that the man in such relationships is usually mature for his age. The cougar is not going to stand for a silly young boy, no matter how long he can go in the sack. That's not all that the relationship is about.
This has definitely been my experience. They have been very mature and eager to discuss politics, current events etc, even if they get things wrong.
I should also say, the "safe haven" thing works both ways, though it's not a sexual safe haven i am getting/seeking from the deal.
Why is it soooo impossible that the younger man/older woman relationship can't simply be about LOVE.
Attraction can take many forms and tastes. Sometimes people simply "click" for whatever reason.
Personally, one of the great loves of my life was with a woman approx. 15 years older than myself.
Did it last forever?
No, but many relationships fail for one reason or another.
I can tell you this, I am not sorry to have loved her, and I think she feels the same.
While we are no longer together, if she needed help from me, I would assist her in a minute, no questions asked. I am also sure she would do the same for me.
It seems to me that the younger man/older woman relationship is the last taboo in society. We live in a time when people accept inter-racial, gay/lesbian, inter-religious, and varied socio-economic differences, BUT the idea that a man can love an older woman baffles many.
Before I married my current husband, I got a lot of attention from younger men. From what they all told me, they preferred older women as there is less drama and game playing, older women are less sexually inhibited, and, we know what we want and aren't afraid to ask or go for it.
For what it's worth, I ended up marrying a young one
Well, I thought about doing the cougar thing, but I would not want be seen anywhere in public (coffee, bar, etc.) with a man way younger than me -so it would just be purely for sex. Has anyone ever actually seen a 40 something woman out and about with a 23 year old- doubt it. I have seen much older women out with 40 something men -yes. And, if it was just for sex, I'd prefer a man my age or older, any day.
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