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It also depend...is there someone who is 'instigating' that bad behavior?
For example, men say I surprise them when I put them in their places. Why? Because usually Im this nice, caring person who seems to never have an argument when on dates with men.
However, if they take it as me being a doormat, all hell breaks loose. Im sweet on the outside, but if someone decides to act stupid e.g. play text tennis, make plans and then cancel, use me for ****, and basically treat me complacent...then I turn into straight up ghetto chick in no time flat! There have been times I've said things as nicely as possible (while annoyed) and they see it as me having an attitude? No...Im just letting you know you're not going to walk all over me, that Im going to put my foot down when I sense you are taking advantage of me or taking me for granted. Thats not a personality trait, thats an affirmative, assertive action. If they cant deal with me asserting myself, they can take my left foot...
And then they wonder, where did that come from? It came from YOU fool! Don't stir ****, there wont be ****...simple as that.
Me too!!LOL........... I should also add that I never started a fight or argument first. I don't start fights or argument! I finish them!!!
The worst and the best are both extremes. I think the reality is in the middle.
I disagree. There are people who do extremes on a regular basis and claim it is the "norm". They think everyone does it, or should.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joei
It also depend...is there someone who is 'instigating' that bad behavior?
For example, men say I surprise them when I put them in their places. Why? Because usually Im this nice, caring person who seems to never have an argument when on dates with men.
However, if they take it as me being a doormat, all hell breaks loose. Im sweet on the outside, but if someone decides to act stupid e.g. play text tennis, make plans and then cancel, use me for ****, and basically treat me complacent...then I turn into straight up ghetto chick in no time flat! There have been times I've said things as nicely as possible (while annoyed) and they see it as me having an attitude? No...Im just letting you know you're not going to walk all over me, that Im going to put my foot down when I sense you are taking advantage of me or taking me for granted. Thats not a personality trait, thats an affirmative, assertive action. If they cant deal with me asserting myself, they can take my left foot...
And then they wonder, where did that come from? It came from YOU fool! Don't stir ****, there wont be ****...simple as that.
Jeeeez. I'd define this as ghetto and run for the hills.
During stressful times is one example of when you might see these qualities.
And there are no times more stressful than weddings and funerals.
Weddings: As anyone who has ever planned a wedding can attest, you find out who is a self-absorbed PITA. Since we're talking about single people, is the divorced or widowed mother or father a domineering beast when their kid is getting married? Is the bridesmaid complaining about the dress or just happy to be part of the celebration? How about the groomsmen? If the groom just wants a low-key dinner, does the best man respect that, and organize something accordingly, or does he insist on a lost weekend in Vegas because some of the guys want an excuse to party? Is the single parent insisting on bringing his or her kids to an adult reception? Is the person making outrageous demands for the menu?
Funerals: Here's where you find out how selfish people can be. There are people who grieve, and people who are just interested in who gets what from the will. I found out a lot of things about a lot of people when my mother died. Some people were surprisingly wonderful, and came forth in very helpful ways when my family never expected it. Others were spoiled rotten brats arguing over the most ridiculous material things.
Well, I think a person is such a complex creature, he has a lot of sides and qualities to him that may go undiscovered his whole life.
I think when people are at their worst, they just show the sides of themselves that were not previously shown or known, something that they didn't even expect from their own selves. However, it doesn't mean that this is how they are most of the time. People need to be given benefit of the doubt. We all have bad days and good days.
I think it's important to go through some tough times with your significant other, only then we can see sides of our loved ones we have never seen before. We can even be pleasantly surprised. For example, I never knew how collected my SO can be during the time of crisis, and my SO never knew that I have such an ability to "freak out".
Oh, and don't disregard the fact that when people are at their best, they also show sides of them that are different but honest. Being in the state of complete joy and happiness can bring out qualities in us that we didn't know about either and don't dismiss it as conditional kindness, compassion, sweetness. The side of a person at his best is a true one too.
It isn't always an issue of how much is good, how much is bad. Suppose you married a guy who was kind, reliable, a good father, etc. And then one day, he decides to cheat on you. Which is the real person? The one who helped you through your cancer treatment and read bedtime stories to your kids? Or the guy who decided to throw away his marriage to you so he could have a fling with some girl he met in a bar?
Both.
He is the same good guy who made a bad decision. Our wrongdoings don't automatically strip us down from all the good we have done.
It also depend...is there someone who is 'instigating' that bad behavior?
For example, men say I surprise them when I put them in their places. Why? Because usually Im this nice, caring person who seems to never have an argument when on dates with men.
However, if they take it as me being a doormat, all hell breaks loose. Im sweet on the outside, but if someone decides to act stupid e.g. play text tennis, make plans and then cancel, use me for ****, and basically treat me complacent...then I turn into straight up ghetto chick in no time flat! There have been times I've said things as nicely as possible (while annoyed) and they see it as me having an attitude? No...Im just letting you know you're not going to walk all over me, that Im going to put my foot down when I sense you are taking advantage of me or taking me for granted. Thats not a personality trait, thats an affirmative, assertive action. If they cant deal with me asserting myself, they can take my left foot...
And then they wonder, where did that come from? It came from YOU fool! Don't stir ****, there wont be ****...simple as that.
You can be assertive and not come off as a loudmouth ghetto, Section 8 hoodrat (no offense to ghetto Section 8 folks, some of them are alright with me) No man with a brain would take that as being "assertive"
Unfortunately, after the end of my marriage I realized that relationships tend to bring out the worst in me. I am such an easy-going and "cool" girl when I'm single, not a worry in the world. As soon as I get attached to someone though - oh boy.... I am just too sensitive to other people's b****, I think. I wonder if there is a better fit for me out there... Either that or I might have to be alone forever...
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There have been times I've said things as nicely as possible (while annoyed) and they see it as me having an attitude? No...Im just letting you know you're not going to walk all over me, that Im going to put my foot down when I sense you are taking advantage of me or taking me for granted. Thats not a personality trait, thats an affirmative, assertive action. If they cant deal with me asserting myself, they can take my left foot...
I should also add that I never started a fight or argument first. I don't start fights or argument! I finish them!!!
