Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My last two relationships were relatively brief (a year or less) and ended, I thought, amicably. No cheating, no tears or recriminations. But I received an email from gentleman # 1 today, and he was very bitter... That relationship ended over a year ago. He wrote how he was so sorry that he "wasted so much time and energy" on me. I was moderately surprised - not having had any contact with him for over a year, but figured he needed to speak his piece, and let it go.
I thought about it, and gentleman #2 said a very similar thing when we parted ways. In both cases, they wanted more than I was willing to give. I was always very up-front and honest: I do not care to get married again, do not desire to live with anyone right now, and have a lot going on in my life, and am not sure where I'll be in a couple of years. I usually like to keep things simple. I am always truthful with them. I don't generally date more than one person at a time (too messy for me) but have told my dates to see whomever they please, since I usually don't go out with them more than one night a week (between school, work, and my friends, I don't have a lot of time to date).
I've never retracted that statement. I've never asked about other "girlfriends"... it's none of my business. I'm really not interested in a committed thing right now. Some guys are, and I let them now right away that I'm not, and that's usually where we part ways. So why the backlash about "wasted time?" I never led them to believe there would be anything else. We always have a great time, just spending time together. Companionship. How is that "wasted time"?
I think I can understand your point of view and everyone has to be realistic and realize that it's highly unlikely that most relationships are going to result in a lifelong commitment. I can only imagine that there might be some resentment from the men you mentioned because they may have wanted it to be more than it turned out to be but that's just the way it worked out. I have no doubt that many women feel exactly the same way when things didn't turn out the way that they had hoped they would with a man they cared about.
Of course failed relationships with people who turn out to be complete losers generally are wasted time except that the man or woman who was in a relationship with the loser has hopefully learned a few lessons that will be helpful to them in the future to avoid the same thing from happening all over again.
Lots of reasons. Sour grapes. Immaturity--you hurt them so they have to hurt you back. Annoyance with having to get off their butts and go out and impress someone new. Anger at themselves for deluding themselves into thinking they could get you to commit even though you were up front about not wanting to. Hurt pride that you didn't want them full-time.
It all boils down to one thing: It's them, not you, so don't sweat it.
my mind tends to be very progression oriented. one thing leads to something better and so on. go to school, get a job, get a better job, etc etc
i view failed relationships as somewhat a waste of time. i take things out of them instead of completely regarding them as a waste though. dating is one of the few areas i keep having to hit hte reset button on and start over from the beginning.
in your story you were honest and the guys shouldnt be mad. it sounds like maybe they were hoping to change you and are mad they couldnt. not your fault
Perhaps these men were accustomed to having or eventually gaining the upper hand in prior relationships. They couldn't get you on their terms, you presented a challenge they couldn't conquer and now they are bitter. You've done nothing wrong. If anything be thankful it never blossomed into anything serious. It's a shame they couldn't just appreciate the time you spent together as well as your honestly and maturity. Their loss.
The fact that you were honest and upfront puts the time spent in the relationship back on them and they have to accept responsibility for their decision to try to have a relationship with you when you very clearly stated that a serious relationship is not something you wanted. If you hadn't told them, then I could see their point; people who really want a relationship don't want to "waste" their time with someone who has other goals. It sounds to like they believed if they hung in there long enough you'd change your mind and want something more serious.
That's so sad. I live my life with ex girlfriends to the tune of Willie Nelson's "To All The Girls I Loved Before". The only waste of time would be the time spend telling an ex that it was a waste of time.....
My last two relationships were relatively brief (a year or less) and ended, I thought, amicably. No cheating, no tears or recriminations. But I received an email from gentleman # 1 today, and he was very bitter... That relationship ended over a year ago. He wrote how he was so sorry that he "wasted so much time and energy" on me. I was moderately surprised - not having had any contact with him for over a year, but figured he needed to speak his piece, and let it go.
I thought about it, and gentleman #2 said a very similar thing when we parted ways. In both cases, they wanted more than I was willing to give. I was always very up-front and honest: I do not care to get married again, do not desire to live with anyone right now, and have a lot going on in my life, and am not sure where I'll be in a couple of years. I usually like to keep things simple. I am always truthful with them. I don't generally date more than one person at a time (too messy for me) but have told my dates to see whomever they please, since I usually don't go out with them more than one night a week (between school, work, and my friends, I don't have a lot of time to date).
I've never retracted that statement. I've never asked about other "girlfriends"... it's none of my business. I'm really not interested in a committed thing right now. Some guys are, and I let them now right away that I'm not, and that's usually where we part ways. So why the backlash about "wasted time?" I never led them to believe there would be anything else. We always have a great time, just spending time together. Companionship. How is that "wasted time"?
Well, for you I would fly 1000 miles to smoke a camel!!!LOL.....JK
Are you serious? I would think, ok I would know that you should not have any problems finding a great guy to your liking dear!! They are probably drooling when you are not looking!!
My last two relationships were relatively brief (a year or less) and ended, I thought, amicably. No cheating, no tears or recriminations. But I received an email from gentleman # 1 today, and he was very bitter... That relationship ended over a year ago. He wrote how he was so sorry that he "wasted so much time and energy" on me. I was moderately surprised - not having had any contact with him for over a year, but figured he needed to speak his piece, and let it go.
I thought about it, and gentleman #2 said a very similar thing when we parted ways. In both cases, they wanted more than I was willing to give. I was always very up-front and honest: I do not care to get married again, do not desire to live with anyone right now, and have a lot going on in my life, and am not sure where I'll be in a couple of years. I usually like to keep things simple. I am always truthful with them. I don't generally date more than one person at a time (too messy for me) but have told my dates to see whomever they please, since I usually don't go out with them more than one night a week (between school, work, and my friends, I don't have a lot of time to date).
I've never retracted that statement. I've never asked about other "girlfriends"... it's none of my business. I'm really not interested in a committed thing right now. Some guys are, and I let them now right away that I'm not, and that's usually where we part ways. So why the backlash about "wasted time?" I never led them to believe there would be anything else. We always have a great time, just spending time together. Companionship. How is that "wasted time"?
They probably fully understood your position and what it entails for the 'relationship'. Appears to me both men thought they could change your mind or you would do so independently. They took the 'risk' on that mistaken assumption. They are likely more pissed with themselves than anything; after all, how can they be upset with you? You were upfront and honest about it from the beginning. That's what most people want...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
JK
