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Since a heart scare last year, I am unable to work,
$200 is around a month's income for me.
You make your own happiness. It doesn't come looking for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39
Well we separated in 2005, divorced in 2006. I am still waiting for the happiness that was supposed to kick up after shedding my loser husband. My career has progressed quite nicely though, so for instance yesterday I bought a pair of $200 shoes, with cash, without breaking a sweat. It's a good thing too, because this is shaping up to be the most depressing week of my life. Surely the shoes will comfort me.
i did not read the answers form the others,but hier is mine...stay together for teh sake of the children,is not acceptable..it is better for chidlren to come form a broken home,then LIVE IN ONE..my impression:you are not happy any more in this marriage and not in love with your husband any more...
i consider sex very important in a marriage..a marriage with no sex is like a plant with no water...you are a young woman and you deserve to have a happy,fullfilled sexual life..one year no sex???are you kidding me???not acceptable at a young mother like you..it destroys you souly...sex is a primare need,like drink,eat and so on...you must stop live such a life,as soon as possible...and may i ask you soemthing:did you think,that you could be the only one,who had no sex one year???..he might have a girlfriend,you should be aware of this...
you are an educated,smart woman..children need a happy mother and right now this is a mess,not a happy marriage...in your place i would move on ,children are not a reason to stay in a miserable marriage..if pasion is gone,that it is!!you tried to work on it,remake the flame,did not work,that is life..move on,find a better partner,more compatible and you will be finally happy...and a happy mother makes happy kids..teh times,where mothers had to stay with a man for teh sake of teh children,are long gone..and i am not so sure,he is such a great guy..not be surprised,if you found out he has an affair and you did not know about it...how old is he,to be one year with no sex???i heart similar stories and the guy was doing great with the new gf,while the wife was thinking,he had no sex for long time..not sex with her..
wish you good luck,do not waste your time and life,move on and find out the truth...i am smelling soemthing and the wya you described it,made me think at it..i am seldom wrong...
I think we may have had the same counselor. At $80 a session, we couldn't afford to keep paying for nothing.
I'm sorry.
Hey don't feel bad for me, I could never afford to buy those new shoes when i was married! I can also afford better wine. When I was married, it was Yellow Tail, now I don't mind dropping twenty bucks on a bottle. Of course, there is something sad about drinking a $20 bottle of wine alone on my couch while watching Minute to Win It. But hey I'm divorced. That means I am happy!
onglet...congratulations..be your own boss..you pay 200 for a pair of shoes..so what????i pay 500 in italy,when i feel like...it is your money,you can spend it the way you want,IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT,this is teh magic sentence:YOU CAN AFFORD IT!!!...if you are financially responsable and do it seldom and not on regulary base or not doing credit for it,in one word,you can afford it,no big deal...
enjopy your time as free woman...and about the couch ,do not worry..like my very wise grandma said..there is enough fish in the ocean!!go fishing!!
Since a heart scare last year, I am unable to work,
$200 is around a month's income for me.
You make your own happiness. It doesn't come looking for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buburuza13
onglet...congratulations..be your own boss..you pay 200 for a pair of shoes..so what????i pay 500 in italy,when i feel like...it is your money,you can spend it the way you want...if you are financially responsable and do it seldom and not on regulary base or not doing credit for it,no big deal...
enjopy your time as free woman...and about the couch ,do not worry..like my very wise grandma said..there is enough fish in the ocean!!go fishing!!
My point was just to let the OP know that tying money to the success or failure of a marriage does not guarantee happiness as a result. If her husband has a long list of stellar qualities, it is worth trying to fix his monetary shortcomings. I got a divorce over it, and now I have plenty of money but I am alone. Is it worth it? That's something for the OP to answer.
My point was just to let the OP know that tying money to the success or failure of a marriage does not guarantee happiness as a result. If her husband has a long list of stellar qualities, it is worth trying to fix his monetary shortcomings. I got a divorce over it, and now I have plenty of money but I am alone. Is it worth it? That's something for the OP to answer.
I must have skipped a page of responses, because I didn't see Katlakat's string of posts earlier. My husband went through a similar phase. We moved to a new state, believing that we would have a more comfortable standard of living, but we had difficulty finding the kind of jobs that we do. We both ended up working far below our typical pay grade, even adjusted for the lower cost of living in the area. We were broke all the time, which affected my husband badly. I had grown up in a frugal household, so I was used to it, but his parents are very materialistic and had instilled in him that a person who didn't make X salary and own Y and Z was a complete loser. My husband buried himself in video games and surly behavior, and I was so resentful and angry that it's no wonder that he withdrew from me. Everything was a struggle about who was right and who wronged whom and whose turn it was to do something. That was an awful couple of years, and we almost got a divorce. Things are much better now, though, and I am so glad we stuck with it and started cooperating again.
Anyway. OP, you sound financially comfortable, but I strongly believe that some men attach a LOT of their self-worth to how much they provide for their families. It's part of how they see themselves as men, right or wrong. And some of them deal with it by withdrawing or turning away and refusing to try, because they are afraid of failure.
Julia we have walked several miles in each others shoes. For me it was bottom line: I loved him so much, I wasn't ready for any alternative except to work this out and learn who and what my husband really was.
It took breathless nights of talking and having a rational open mind to achieve this. Patience above all others, and really examining our goals and dreams after so many years of marriage, to see if they were the same after all this time.
It was a huge relief to my husband to tell me all the things in life that was dragging him under, and I learned for the first time ever in my life, what it was like to be my man. His depression was daunting and he was an ace at masking it...all because he didn't want to drag me down too, so he kept a happy face by doing the things he loved to do....
But all I saw was escaping from maturity. Escaping from duty, from husbandry, from life, from family, and withdrawing inside.
He saw it as keeping me from his pain so I would not suffer alongside with him.
Like I said, don't go into the table talk with a negative assumption, be prepared to be pleasantly surprised. Be open, and make sure you make all of your concerns known.
Including the concern for his health and well being. If you still love him, and I feel that you do OP, this first step will be a poignant one that sets off a chain in motion to the right future for the both of you.
I send all my strength to you, keep us informed how you're doing ,and DM if you need someone to talk to.
I wore this t-shirt for decades. I made most of the money and I parented him well.
Now I'm old and I can tell you it wasn't worth it. I don't have children because you have to have sex for that. I missed out on a lot that life and love has to offer and now I wonder why I stayed with a man like that for so long.
After 35+ years of marriage, I finally did what needed to be done. Financially, I will suffer for the rest of my life because I didn't do this sooner. But I will lay in the bed I made and make the absolute best of it. I am starting over in what should have been my 'golden years' and to top it off, the economy sucks as well. So be it!
I would encourage you to think a lot about the future and what you want out of life. If the man-child you've got isn't it, move on. How will you feel when you are my age? What if you change nothing and just go on? Believe me, your kids will grow up and move on. Don't believe for one minute they are not being affected by living in a home with estranged parents. Kids are not dumb and they will grow up believing your relationship is what life is supposed to be like..... And thus the cycle continues to the next generation.
There is good news. It is possible to move on and find a new relationship with someone who will love and cherish you. In the right way. Your H will also change completely when he is forced to take care of himself or is with someone else in a healthy relationship. Strange how that works but it happens. I found someone else. Imagine, finding the love of your life at my age. I am telling you for sure it is possible.
In the end, doing what's best for you will also be best for the kids. Best of luck!
very smart opinion yellowsnow..i totally agree with that...
but i tend to believe,he has a girlfriend...he is in my opinion not a great guy,women have the wrong image very oft...a man behaving like he was described is not a great guy...in the opossite,i see him in a different light and i think,he is jerk enough to have a girlfriend...if he is jerk enough to let his wife work ...i have such a feeling,he is not ok...i can smell bad husbands..am like a bulldog.....i am totally against being unfaithfull..if the pasion is gone and can not be saved,then finish teh relation,but you have no right to hurt soembody else's feeling...i have no understanding for cheating...and in this case...some signs...it made me immediatelly think..wnat new car..."alone" at cinema...behind the back of his wife,she founds out later...i coudl analyze all teh sentences...i can tell after the analyze,it does not smell good...like i said,i am seldom wrong and smell bad husbands fast...smile
..so my advice "vetrauen is gut,kontrole is besser"like the germans say...trust is good,but control is better...cheque on him,he does not seem so innocent to me...a man..one year long no sex???...hmhmhmhm....is he impotent?..if not,i do not really believe that,my dear...he gets it somewhere else...he can not be that old...10 years marriage,young kids...30,40,50??anyway,it does not smell good...my dear,be aware..he plays dirty,dirty....listen to me ( awoman with a very huge life experience) and make sure,he is really the guy,you see him...if he cheated on you,then you might see him in a different light..and it is very important that the truth comes out..you do not build your marriage on lies and betrayals
this would also explain why nothing worked to save the marriag...he is somewhere else emotionally and physically too... and never forget my dear,you leave him in pyjamas,but you work all day ..it does not mean he was at home,playing his games..he could have been in the meantime somewhere else playing something else...first rule for women:never be naive!!one of my friend found her husband in their bedroom with a neighbor..so...everything is possible...just be aware..and by the way,she was thinking too,he would be the best guy in the world..i thought different...
Last edited by Buburuza13; 03-29-2010 at 05:01 PM..
onglet 39...you have plenty of money..thisis always great..you are alone,oh well,it is your fault...go outside,socialize and believe me,you will not be long alone..there is a great saying in europe..where a will,there is a way...you only have to want it..like i said,go fishing and never forget YOU CAN HAVE both Money + the rigth guy...just be smart enough...the main important thing take care fo you and your body..go to fitness center daily..train..get good dressed..good taken care of..guess what,you will not be long alone!!
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