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Old 03-30-2010, 05:03 PM
 
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I am 30 and have been with the same man since I was 21. Before him I had another long term partner from 16-20. I jumped from one straight to the other - no not at the same time, there were a few months in between - but I have never really been alone. I often feel like there is a lot I am missing/ have missed out on. Is there anyone else in my situation and do you get this feeling?

I also sometimes feel like I am just "over" the drama that comes with relationships... does that make me a *****ty person??
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Old 03-30-2010, 05:07 PM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,954 posts, read 7,565,917 times
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I think you are having a mid-life crisis !
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Old 03-30-2010, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,654,055 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa* View Post
I am 30 and have been with the same man since I was 21. Before him I had another long term partner from 16-20. I jumped from one straight to the other - no not at the same time, there were a few months in between - but I have never really been alone. I often feel like there is a lot I am missing/ have missed out on. Is there anyone else in my situation and do you get this feeling?

I also sometimes feel like I am just "over" the drama that comes with relationships... does that make me a *****ty person??

I think you are just beginning to realize the importance of self-discovery and personal growth. You've kind of skated by on a man's coat tails for years now, but some maturity has obviously kicked in and made you uncomfortable about where you are in life.

This is a good thing - though it does require action and work on your part to keep blooming and growing
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Old 03-30-2010, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Russian Federation
355 posts, read 559,861 times
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You can be with someone and bored, or single and lonely. Both have negative effects as you see. But yes, you do miss out on A LOT by never really being single. Single life is awesome: dating game, independence, thinking for yourself, "the sweet pain of solitude", crazy stuff, self-motivation.
I'd also say, when a woman is about 30 and in a long-term realtionship, and she's not satisfied with her personal life - she needs a kid. Some people (especially women) find sublimation for a kid in man that needs to be taken care of (by dating someone who is much older, for example). Maybe you should think less of the single life and more about becoming a mother? Or, perhaps, you already have a kid? Then i withdraw my argument.
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Old 03-30-2010, 05:22 PM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,954 posts, read 7,565,917 times
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I think when the OP is having doubts about her relationship, having a child should be the last thing she should consider.
That'll multiply everything by a factor of 1000.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shkumat View Post
You can be with someone and bored, or single and lonely. Both have negative effects as you see. But yes, you do miss out on A LOT by never really being single. Single life is awesome: dating game, independence, thinking for yourself, "the sweet pain of solitude", crazy stuff, self-motivation.
I'd also say, when a woman is about 30 and in a long-term realtionship, and she's not satisfied with her personal life - she needs a kid. Some people (especially women) find sublimation for a kid in man that needs to be taken care of (by dating someone who is much older, for example). Maybe you should think less of the single life and more about becoming a mother? Or, perhaps, you already have a kid? Then i withdraw my argument.
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Old 03-30-2010, 05:24 PM
 
1,994 posts, read 2,811,894 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
You've kind of skated by on a man's coat tails for years now, but some maturity has obviously kicked in and made you uncomfortable about where you are in life.
That makes a lot of sense.

And oh gosh no, a child is the last thing I want right now lol
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Old 03-30-2010, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Russian Federation
355 posts, read 559,861 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa* View Post
And oh gosh no, a child is the last thing I want right now lol
Yep. You definitely need a kid.

How do you see your life going ahead anyways? I mean, if you go single now, you will finally understand how awesome it is to be single. In about 5 years you'll get enough of this (which you will, just as much as you got enough of life in a relationship) and say, ok, it's time to settle down. So you're 35 and you start looking for a man to have a kid with. With your options decreasing with each passing year, it'll be harder to find a man, who is man enough to have a kid with you. So by the time you're 40 you'll have a kid and a man, who'll be happy to see and tolerate you pregnant first and after the birth of a child (the time when women are nearly impossible to tolerate). Oh, and be the time you will want to retire and enjoy life, you'll have to be pulling your kid through college.
See the how the story unfolds? And for what? A few years of fun? After all it's fun, but it's not THAT much fun.
Look, i don't know you at all, and i may be 100% wrong. But at least think about it.
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Old 03-30-2010, 06:22 PM
 
1,237 posts, read 2,991,065 times
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Shkumat - maybe the OP has no desire to have kids ever. Plus her most recent previous post was about wanting to travel. Pretty sure a kid would put a kink in those plans. And besides, you just have a negative attitude about a 35 y/o women dating and finding happiness. Kids aren't the answer.

OP - I have a friend who was a serial dater - one long term relationship to another - often with NO time in between. I still can't figure out how she did it. I personally believe that everyone, men and women, should live alone at some point in their formative years. No roommates, no live-in SO. You learn a lot about yourself but more importantly you learn that you can rely on yourself and provide for yourself. I find it rewarding.

That said, it sounds like you missed out on that. It's never too late. Maybe you need some time for self discovery. I didn't follow your last thread til the end so I'm not sure what you decided about your SO, but the combination of topics here leads me to believe you need to make yourself a priority.
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Old 03-30-2010, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Russian Federation
355 posts, read 559,861 times
Reputation: 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by swmrbird View Post
Shkumat - maybe the OP has no desire to have kids ever. Plus her most recent previous post was about wanting to travel. Pretty sure a kid would put a kink in those plans. And besides, you just have a negative attitude about a 35 y/o women dating and finding happiness. Kids aren't the answer.

OP - I have a friend who was a serial dater - one long term relationship to another - often with NO time in between. I still can't figure out how she did it. I personally believe that everyone, men and women, should live alone at some point in their formative years. No roommates, no live-in SO. You learn a lot about yourself but more importantly you learn that you can rely on yourself and provide for yourself. I find it rewarding.

That said, it sounds like you missed out on that. It's never too late. Maybe you need some time for self discovery. I didn't follow your last thread til the end so I'm not sure what you decided about your SO, but the combination of topics here leads me to believe you need to make yourself a priority.
Me? Negative attitude? Oh, heck no! I love women, love all of 'em, of all ages and backgrounds and with all my heart (for once i am not sarcastic here). And i am definitely not against 35-45 y.o. women dating (i find cougars to be about the sexiest women on earth).
I am just saying that when you spend you whole life in relationships, you will start missing them quite soon and quite A LOT. I say the OP only THINKS that traveling will make her happy (she doesn't know that for sure, right?). Usually people want to go travelling when they feel they need to be appreciated by new people. And why do people want to be appreciated? Because it makes them feel like a man/woman. However, there are only two roles, in which a woman can actually feel as one: daughter or mother. And once a woman hits a certain age, she must trasfer from one to another. So I say, almost every woman wants to have a child, whether she realizes that, or not.
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Old 03-30-2010, 08:17 PM
 
1,994 posts, read 2,811,894 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shkumat View Post
Usually people want to go travelling when they feel they need to be appreciated by new people.
I want to go travelling because I am fascinated by what else is out there outside my little country. There is such a big world out there and I want to see it!
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