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Old 04-05-2010, 10:02 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,622,264 times
Reputation: 42767

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I wonder if you should go through the formality of evicting her, since she might try to drag this legal residence thing on and on. She's supposed to be at your place on Wednesday, right? You could serve her then.

 
Old 04-05-2010, 10:18 AM
 
190 posts, read 169,817 times
Reputation: 54
I imagine now that I was forced to give her her way, lest risk police involvement (which is in her rights, if she wants to be in tonight, the police will come and let her in)...I guess she'll be here tonight, and then tomorrow night, etc...'Til she is done.

Let it be known though, these theatrics are not for attention. I think I figured out the plan. Since she KNEW I would be far out of town on Sunday, the plan I believe was always for her and OM to come over Sunday and move her out. He probably owns a pick-up or something like that. Figuring they would have all the time and no scrutiny on Easter, they showed up, only to see the locks were changed. Plan thwarted!

Since then, she has changed her tune on wanting her desk ("it's too heavy to move" she says) and also suddenly no longer has a truck to use and needs to make "many small trips".

My theory - She wanted to do this with OM but he doesn't want to face me or the shame of it and neither does she with him with her, so now she is on her own doing this again which I guess somehow justifies the affair being ok, if I never see the guy. I am sure the guy doesn't want to show his face to me just as much as I don't want to see him.

So I think that was her master plan anyway. Unfortunately these legal rights she has to come in here take away any hope I had of getting this done quickly.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 10:35 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,154,138 times
Reputation: 2119
Quote:
Originally Posted by DMKK View Post
I imagine now that I was forced to give her her way, lest risk police involvement (which is in her rights, if she wants to be in tonight, the police will come and let her in)...I guess she'll be here tonight, and then tomorrow night, etc...'Til she is done.

Let it be known though, these theatrics are not for attention. I think I figured out the plan. Since she KNEW I would be far out of town on Sunday, the plan I believe was always for her and OM to come over Sunday and move her out. He probably owns a pick-up or something like that. Figuring they would have all the time and no scrutiny on Easter, they showed up, only to see the locks were changed. Plan thwarted!

Since then, she has changed her tune on wanting her desk ("it's too heavy to move" she says) and also suddenly no longer has a truck to use and needs to make "many small trips".

My theory - She wanted to do this with OM but he doesn't want to face me or the shame of it and neither does she with him with her, so now she is on her own doing this again which I guess somehow justifies the affair being ok, if I never see the guy. I am sure the guy doesn't want to show his face to me just as much as I don't want to see him.

So I think that was her master plan anyway. Unfortunately these legal rights she has to come in here take away any hope I had of getting this done quickly.
Fcking Legal System. It's your house, she hasn't been living in it half the time, I can't believe she has the right to access the house. Unreal. Fck Government.

No offense to you but this woman seems like a nightmare, I mean wow. I could never cheat in the first place, but if I would do it then I'd have to have no care for the person I was with. I would be so consumed with guilt in this situation and she seems to be looking for ways to stab you in the chest even after all of this. I'm blown away and I feel terrible that you're in this situation. Must be horrendous to know someone you planned to spend the rest of your life with could do this to you.

You seem like a really cool guy, and I've read ALL of your posts. It seems like you know this: but you have let this woman walk all over you. And I'm guessing not just in this cheating/breakup situation, but probably before this as well. It's good some people have helped you grow a pair and you've started correcting your behavior to take a stand and have a backbone. I don't want to say if you had a backbone before this all wouldn't have happened, but it doesn't sound like she had a fear of losing you when she cheated. Part of her maybe thought she could committ this infidelity, get away with it without you knowing, or even if you found out she could potentially keep you. Now that it's not going to plan she's getting very hostile. I can't understand what she's trying to accomplish here, except that she thought she could keep you and she realizes cheating was a mistake and isn't happy with her situation. I'd bet money she comes crawling back at some point too. Shouldn't be hard to beat her off with a stick carved with "cheater" on the handle when the time comes.

May be too early to say this, but take this as a lesson, have a backbone more in the future and my experience has shown that you're less likely to get pushed around. That goes for a lot of things, not just dating and relationships. People will respect you a little more if you can say "no" once in a while within reason.

Good luck with the moving out and the police, and then good luck again in future dating. If you need help sleeping at night, dream of this woman burning in hell
 
Old 04-05-2010, 10:43 AM
 
190 posts, read 169,817 times
Reputation: 54
Want more? Here's my e-mail to her:

I wasn't aware it was urgent. There is no need to overreact, civil is fine with me. I want you to get your things out as well.

I have carefully moved everything of yours to the garage, you can come get what you need after work, but please do it quickly as I do have other plans tonight and can't be here for very long.

Let me know what time I can expect you today.


Here is her reply:

I'll be by right after work. I love how u are acting like I'm some sort of criminal or something, like I have to be supervised. Thanks for moving my stuff to the garage, I'm sure the chocolates will be nice and melted, really appreciate that. Did u get everything of mine? X mas decorations, stuff in downstairs bathroom? I don't know why you're being such an ass about this. I really don't give s**t if u have plans or not. I'm entitled to get my things at my legal address and if you're gonna act like an ass I can too! Did u take apart the desk?

She must have called police and done legal research to know her rights to be here and get her stuff.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 10:52 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,622,264 times
Reputation: 42767
That's probably why she didn't contact you first thing this morning. She was calling around.

This will probably be over soon. Hang in there.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 10:53 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,652,769 times
Reputation: 10385
Don't even address all that stuff. She's heavily in denial about the affair; in her mind it is 100% your fault. By getting a rise out of you, it helps her along with making you the villain in her mind.

Just answer, "OK, I will see you later this evening" and leave it at that.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 11:02 AM
 
190 posts, read 169,817 times
Reputation: 54
I was just thinking I wouldn't answer. She will just confront me about the same things when she is here. Probably will insist on coming in to look around too but I'm not offering. Guess I have to let her or she'll call the police I guess so they can walk her through the house. I wish I knew if I could safely call her bluff on that one but I seriously don't need police here and to get in trouble for not letting my stupid ex into "her residence".

It will be over soon now for sure, she just wants her stuff and wants gone too. Like I said I think her plan was probably Sunday to just get it all in a truck with OM (my guess) but when the locks were changed that ruined her "master plan".

Onglet: I really appreciate your point of view in all of this, it's very important to me. I think she is making me a villain anyway -- If I don't help her move boxes, if I don't let her in, if I don't answer her e-mails and calls right away, if I change the locks, if I move her stuff to the garage, if I "act like an ass"....I am a villain and GOOD RIDDANCE to me!

That reminds me Onglet, I was sort of planning tonight to not even be involved at all and just let her get what she needs and go. I guess I will let her into the house if she insists but keep a distant eye to make sure she isn't taking anything. Any other suggestions? I am hoping for this to be incident-free, no conversation, don't really want to get into anything with her anymore.

Just FINALLY got a call from ATT that she was on the other line to remove herself from the phone bill, what a mess that was (I wasn't able to even do that myself, she had to call as well). One step closer anyway.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 11:08 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,652,769 times
Reputation: 10385
I don't think a police escort is a bad thing -- if the two of you are alone she is going to goad you into acting like a jackass. That would be the best possible outcome for her - for you to be a jackass the last time she sees you. That way, there's no guilt.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 11:10 AM
 
190 posts, read 169,817 times
Reputation: 54
In a way she'd probably justify the fact that she had to call the police to be let in that I was a jackass the last time she saw me, too (in her eyes)

I'll definitely take your advice and not act like a jackass or get goaded into anything. I am in a good mood today all things considered and don't want to argue with her. I have no interest in it. Doesn't even make sense to me. It won't be the last time I see her anyway, knowing her car and the amount of stuff in the garage, we are looking at around 4 to 5 car trips with her car only and no help.

Interesting how you say that she will justify her leaving me/affair and lose guilt if I treat her like a jerk. But then again I guess even if I sneeze the wrong way she'll justify I am a jerk. But it makes sense that in her mind I am a jerk no matter what and that is how she can do this. Don't think there would be anything I could do tonight to make her feel guilt.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 11:16 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,622,264 times
Reputation: 42767
It could be more than just wanting you to act like a jackass so she'll feel better. You don't want her accusing you of yelling at her or threatening her, even if you just snap a remark out of frustration.
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