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Yeah, the sooner we are fully sorted and I am free of the contact is healthier for me, no doubt about it. Any sort of contact right now is an emotional trigger and is painful. Out of sight, out of mind. I just really need to get there, but there is still so much she has to move out and she is doing it so slowly. I also worry as she is not strong and pretty helpless in general so not even sure how she is going to get some of the heavier things out and into her car either, if I don't assist she might want to bring the other guy, which would be awful. Especially if she asked for me to not be here since they are coming (I would never allow that).
I like the advice of acting like talking to a woman doing taxes, all profressional and cordial, that's it.
Yeah, the sooner we are fully sorted and I am free of the contact is healthier for me, no doubt about it. Any sort of contact right now is an emotional trigger and is painful. Out of sight, out of mind. I just really need to get there, but there is still so much she has to move out and she is doing it so slowly. I also worry as she is not strong and pretty helpless in general so not even sure how she is going to get some of the heavier things out and into her car either, if I don't assist she might want to bring the other guy, which would be awful. Especially if she asked for me to not be here since they are coming (I would never allow that).
I like the advice of acting like talking to a woman doing taxes, all profressional and cordial, that's it.
Yet she wasn't so weak and helpless that she couldn't go behind your back, cheat on you and kick you to the curb. Not your problem, her moving her stuff. Give her the ultimatum and let her deal with it.
Sounds like you're being pretty strong and level headed. Honestly, I tend to be a bit spiteful myself, so I'd be a bit tougher with her. I also liked the one guys response of eating a turkey leg and thinking tough luck you can't have this.
She made her choice, and I'm sure you have a lot of good qualities, and just think of what she is missing out on. I'd make her pay rent or I'd pack her **** up in boxes real quick, and put them in the garage and tell her to get a truck or hire a moving company and get out. Of course do this after you get all the money she owes you.
Grab your friends and go hang out a bit, thats the best thing you can at this point. Give your attention to something else and get attention from elsewhere.
Yeah, the sooner we are fully sorted and I am free of the contact is healthier for me, no doubt about it. Any sort of contact right now is an emotional trigger and is painful. Out of sight, out of mind. I just really need to get there, but there is still so much she has to move out and she is doing it so slowly. I also worry as she is not strong and pretty helpless in general so not even sure how she is going to get some of the heavier things out and into her car either, if I don't assist she might want to bring the other guy, which would be awful. Especially if she asked for me to not be here since they are coming (I would never allow that).
I like the advice of acting like talking to a woman doing taxes, all profressional and cordial, that's it.
Look, I'm a woman and went through every room and cabinet and boxed up and moved all of his stuff into the garage so he didn't have to do it and I didn't have him there forever doing it. He got it in two trips with a pick-up, the first load of heavy stuff where it was in the house, with someone, and the rest of the stuff by himself, all boxed up and ready to go. It was on my schedule not his. I had to be there and gate off the rest of the house because of the dogs. Get your keys and consider changing the locks. He got our engagement and wedding rings back, safely put in a safety deposit box, when he was out and the bills were paid. If there is that much stuff then she can call someone and U-Haul and get it done in one shot. She wanted out and you want her out - well get her out.
Last edited by Thursday007; 04-01-2010 at 11:13 AM..
Last week, also cried and asked if I would consider us working things out and trying to stay together, counseling, something. But then, left for the night and did not come home until the next day (4th or 5th night she did that last month). So she was with the other guy of course.
She is a nutcase and you are dodging a HUGE bullet here. Hurting now perhaps...but in 6 months or so when your head is cleared you should be doing cartwheels for unloading the lying skag onto the other guy.
I've seen this happen a number of times and you just won the lottery whether you know it or not.
Over the next couple years you will probably hear that she got pregnant and is now with some other guy....and then another....and so on and so forth.
Look, I'm a woman and went through every room and cabinet and boxed up and moved all of his stuff into the garage so he didn't have to do it and I didn't have him there forever doing it. He got it in two trips with a pick-up, the first load of heavy stuff where it was in the house, with someone, and the rest of the stuff by himself, all boxed up and ready to go. It was on my schedule not his. I had to be there and gate off the rest of the house because of the dogs. Get your keys and consider changing the locks. He got our engagement and wedding rings back, safely put in a safety deposit box, when he was out and the bills were paid. If there is that much stuff then she can call someone and U-Haul and get it done in one shot. She wanted out and you want her out - well get her out.
Brilliant advice. The OP needs to go scorched earth an move on ASAP. Box it all up and put it in the garage or something....or tell her you will pay for the uhaul.
I guess this is what cheaters who aren't sure do, first test the waters out with a new guy before they leave you to make sure they will be accepted? I guess as things went better and she was getting what she needed from the new guy, spending nights together, the relationship intensified so THEN she was comfortable enough to break it off with me (but seemed to still want to have the option to stay or come back). Honestly I would still have been hurt if she left, but a lot less if she would have left me before she met someone new. But I guess many breakups happen like this, because the cheater is insecure and afraid to be alone, so they need a backup plan before they exit.
DMKK, I'm about to give you some priceless advice.
1. She doesn't want you "touching her stuff" because A) it's an outward manifestation of her inherent selfishness, and B) it's a way for her to maintain some modicum of control. YOU broke up with HER (how dare you?) after she screwed up, so despite her getting what she wanted, it wasn't entirely on her terms. She'll try to take back any level of control she can.
Who cares what she wants? Pack her stuff up in a civil fashion and have it waiting for her. If she reiterates that she didn't want you touching her stuff then tell her "I didn't want you touching someone else and look where that got me. What I DO want is you out of my place, so pack up your stuff and get it out of my sight."
2. You cried with her.
I can understand this; finding out something like this is amazingly painful and I sympathize completely, having been through EXACTLY this situation. However, NEVER, EVER, EVER cry with her again, or let it show on your face or in your voice that her actions or this situation are affecting you other than the inconvenience. Ever!
3. Follow the advice to be as cordial and emotionless about this as humanly possible.
When you do this she WILL try to behave in some fashion to ELICIT an emotional response from you. This will be her way of proving to herself that she is still somewhat important to you/in your life. DO NOT-NOT-NOT give her the satisfaction! If you do, I will gather every man in this forum and we will stand in line to slap you until your head falls off.
4. Settle the phone bill AND get your money BEFORE you allow her to remove her stuff from your place.
If you do not do this, then you may never see your money as the whole thing with moving will stir up whatever emotions she has, much of which may be negative and vindictive in a way you never thought her capable of as she tries to regain her self-respect after doing something she KNOWS was effed-up. Believe me, if you allow things to get emotional FIRST, she will feel entitled to keep her money, no matter what flaming Hoops-of-Justification she need leap through in order to make it stick in her mind.
5. Never look back once this is over, and take some non-dating time (a year or so) to recover from the effects of a long-term relationship which ended very badly. Take that time to learn about yourself and IGNORE women, not rudely, just nonchalantly. As you become more important to yourself, you'll notice women approaching you and you'll have the option to pick and choose more wisely and carefully.
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