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Don't ask her about it, that's not romantic, that's not sexy or mysterious or interesting. Go ahead and ask her about it, I'll save you the trouble, you'll be out of the game and look like a tool. If she's confused about you that's fine, that's where you want her, if she's confused then she's interested and she's thinking about you, therefore building up her own interest in you, and you're not even with her! See how easy that is?
As for her waiting: she's not waiting for him, she's waiting for someone else. Unfortunately dude, I'd say the chances she's into you are small as a peanut. What has she REALLY done to show interest in you except spend time on another date with you? Are you paying for these dates? Are they on friday/saturday nights? There's a million reasons why she would go out with you despite not liking you: she's bored, she doesn't have many friends, she's lonely, she likes nice dinners that she doesn't pay for, she's seeing another guy she likes but isn't sure where it's going, she's trying to make an ex jealous....those are just a few.
You held her hand, besides hugging goodnight, has she made any other touch or contact with you on these dates? What things has she done to show interest (not words, don't go by what she "says" because people lie, especially women when dating). You wanna find out? You want this to go somewhere if there's a chance? Kiss her. Man up, sack up, lay the kiss on her next date, and do it like a man, don't ask her if it's ok to kiss her, just grab her and kiss her. Then you'll know.
As for it being okay for this girl and give this girl a break, how about she give this GUY a break? She sounds like she's using him, it's pretty low to go out with a guy and lead him on if there isn't interest. Best case scenario for her is she's got major baggage or issues or something, which in his best interests he should run. It sucks, but some women just have demons that won't ever go away, and if you make it work with her, you'll be fighting those demons constantly. Do you really want to deal with that? Some women just aren't emotionally dateable.
LAY THE KISS ON! You said she looked like she wanted a kiss one date, you should've done it, do yourself a favor, that's the best thing I can say. I hope it works out, good luck!
"Remember the woman need to be comfortable with you both physically and emotionally. I read an interview on how a female movie star felt when filming intimate scenes. She made abundantly clear that she had to be comfortable with her male partner first before she could perform scenes such as kissing or even hugging. "
Physical escalation during courtship needs to take steps, not jumps. Go from light touching, hand-holding, hugging and cuddling, then to kissing. You cannot jump from barely holding hands suddenly to kissing. It's generally a good idea to do two steps forward, then one step back. Also keep in mind that each step takes time for your girl to feel comfortable. How much time is needed? That depends on the person but in general, each date, you should be progressing one step; if your date is not comfortable with your escalation to the next step, go back to the previous step and give her more time.
How is holding hands uncomfortable? That's really quite innocent.
People have different perspectives on physical contact. We all need to respect that. In many culture, holding hands means they two will get married; in other cultures, people think having sex is no different from having pizza.
Some girls actually do have a set amount of dates they'll wait before a kiss. Could be she just wasn't feeling it either. It sounds like you may have misread her body language the first time you went for her hand and then the attempted kiss. If you continue to date her, let her set the pace and wait for a more obvious green light. You can't go by past experience with other girls. While some may have been thrilled to kiss you on the first or second date, not all will. To me it sounds as though you are paying more attention to your own set of expectations and your eagerness to move in for the kill...ahem, I mean, kiss. Perhaps she's picking up on your anxiousness and she feels a little rushed? Whatever the reason, she just wasn't ready, and perhaps will never want to kiss you.
What are you going to do when/if she does kiss you? Do you have a set timeline on when you think she should have sex with you? I see some tortured nights involving blue balls and cold showers in your future.
I fell out of my chair reading that one buddy!!!LMAO.........
People have different perspectives on physical contact. We all need to respect that. In many culture, holding hands means they two will get married; in other cultures, people think having sex is no different from having pizza.
Well, when you live in one culture - and practice the ways of another culture, that's your responsibility to make things clear. There are many. many worse things he could have done than try to hold her hand.
Most Americans aren't thinking "I'll hold her hand so we'll be legally bound."
For me, if a guy refused to hold my hand - no, thank you. If that makes him uncomfortable, I don't want to find out how bad he is in bed.
cdubs, I agree with your observations completely! It's not like I started dating women yesterday, I know what to expect of women with a high interest level and I'm not really interested at all in wasting my time with a woman who has low interest.
In my opinion attraction and chemistry either exists or it doesn't and that is figured out rather quickly, it cannot be generated by waiting for some time period.
I think the 3rd date is sufficient time to figure out if you want to kiss someone or not, if you can't decide by then i'm afraid you will never be able to decide because the feelings aren't strong enough. I like the girl but I want some signals early in the game that there is physical chemistry as well and we're not just talking as friends...
I guess it's just my personality, if I liked a girl enough and she wanted to kiss me and even if I was not exactly ready in terms of the moment I would still go through with it, at least some sort of kiss so it's not an outright in your face rejection, unless of course I didn't care about losing her.
The other thing is that now that I am not comfortable and want to wait a bit she doesn't seem interested in that...now that she is ready she wants me to act...why does only she get the luxury of waiting? Why can't I wait and see as well? I want to go on a few more dates to get my comfort level up LOL! I asked her to see if she wants to meet but she gave some excuse without suggesting another time, so it seems that it was her way or the highway...unacceptable to me!
Well, when you live in one culture - and practice the ways of another culture, that's your responsibility to make things clear. There are many. many worse things he could have done than try to hold her hand.
Most Americans aren't thinking "I'll hold her hand so we'll be legally bound."
For me, if a guy refused to hold my hand - no, thank you. If that makes him uncomfortable, I don't want to find out how bad he is in bed.
I think my post is about how comfortable the woman is not about the guy.
I agree in Rome, do what Roman do. Still, people have different comfort level. If I hold your hand the moment I meet you, wouldn't I just invite a slap on my face?
I think my post is about how comfortable the woman is not about the guy.
I agree in Rome, do what Roman do. Still, people have different comfort level. If I hold your hand the moment I meet you, wouldn't I just invite a slap on my face?
I'd probably slap you for other reasons, but that's beside the point.
"Just meeting" and going on a date are two very different things. A date implies possible romance and affection. Agreeing to go on a date with someone usually means that there might be potential for something more. Obviously it doesn't always work out, but if you freak out because someone tries to hold your hand on a date (a second date in this case) - that sounds like a personal problem to me.
Someone is bound to make the first move. If she can't handle it, then she shouldn't be swimming in the dating pool - or she should come with a warning.
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