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Old 04-02-2010, 01:20 AM
 
Location: Olympus Mons, Mars
2,906 posts, read 4,533,842 times
Reputation: 2249

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I met this girl from an online site and we started dating. The 1st date went very well, we had a good amount in common and seemed to get along really well. She seemed to have high interest in me as well. Great I thought and soon we had a 2nd date.

On the 2nd date things were going really well but after dinner I held her hand. At first she was hesitant but then went along with it but somehow I had a gut instinct that she was not comfortable, after a bit I let go and didn't touch her for the rest of the evening but I was a bit turned off by it also. I thought maybe she was nervous and we scheduled a 3rd date which was to a movie, I didn't make any physical contact the entire date except for an initial hug, the date went pretty well and I thought ok..maybe the discomfort on date #2 was some kind of anomaly so after the movie was over we were alone and I went for a kiss and she avoided my attempt We just hugged while leaving.

So, I figured she wasn't interested to take things in a romantic directions BUT she was still showing real interest and we were still talking...but my mind had already been made up that there was no chemistry and I thought that it was obvious to her as well, just by her gesture. Somehow we scheduled another "date" #4 and of course we had a good time, but i'm thinking as friends, but somehow I feel she thinks we are still dating! This time I felt she wanted to kiss me, I sensed it, but I didn't feel like it after what happened on date #2 so I just hugged her goodbye.

Well so for my question:

In my past experience all the women who have been interested in me have not avoided my kiss, they have always been thrilled to kiss me...I mean why wouldn't you want to be kissed by someone you are interested in? doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever.

Are there women out there that will not kiss a guy they are interested in? Or perhaps they will not kiss a guy for the first X number of dates no matter what, even if they risk losing the guy's interest? Seems like a really strange question to me but perhaps there is something I don't know.

I place a lot of interest in the kiss within 2-3 dates because to me it clearly shows mutual attraction and interest, absent which it's not worth forcing something that isn't there...agreed?
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Old 04-02-2010, 01:26 AM
 
Location: lala land
1,581 posts, read 2,056,325 times
Reputation: 1062
I would just ask her about it. You have to be willing to talk about what's bugging you. You can get a lot of answers from random people on the internet, but her opinion is what matters.

As for me, I usually only date people I already know pretty well. So, by the time I go on the date, I have a pretty good idea whether or not I like them. So for me, 2-3 dates is reasonable, but that is with already knowing the person. Maybe since she met you on the internet she is more reserved and cautious.
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Old 04-02-2010, 01:34 AM
 
Location: OCEAN BREEZES AND VIEWS SAN CLEMENTE
17,894 posts, read 7,976,244 times
Reputation: 5302
Give the girl a break! not all girls are created equal, maybe she needs to go on a couple of dates and has to know you, before that first kiss, nothing wrong with that, you guys just expect all girls to feel and act the same, in the real world, it will not happen. If their is chemistry there, and you both know that you like each other, why rush it, it is just that you guys, just expect that first kiss. I would not be offended by that at all, you should be happy that you have found someone, that is not so eager to kiss someone she does not know. If the chemistry is there, and strong, it is just a matter of time, before that Monsterous KISS, that will probably blow you away, and well worth the wait.
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Old 04-02-2010, 01:45 AM
 
11,000 posts, read 7,248,547 times
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Just because she didn't kiss you doesn't mean that there is no attraction. Some women take it very slow and are in no rush to get physical. A man would get physical within minutes of meeting a woman, but a woman will not get physical until she has decided that he is worthwhile. At least , the women I know are this way.
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Old 04-02-2010, 06:56 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,257 posts, read 11,383,209 times
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Maybe you should start with the obvious. Have you checked your breath?
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Old 04-02-2010, 07:28 AM
 
Location: Mile High City
10,928 posts, read 11,643,584 times
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LOL I think that's the reason why match boy didn't contact me back, because I didn't give him any tongue on second date. I was waiting till 3rd..but oh well
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Old 04-02-2010, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
8,883 posts, read 11,328,483 times
Reputation: 16432
Some girls actually do have a set amount of dates they'll wait before a kiss. Could be she just wasn't feeling it either. It sounds like you may have misread her body language the first time you went for her hand and then the attempted kiss. If you continue to date her, let her set the pace and wait for a more obvious green light. You can't go by past experience with other girls. While some may have been thrilled to kiss you on the first or second date, not all will. To me it sounds as though you are paying more attention to your own set of expectations and your eagerness to move in for the kill...ahem, I mean, kiss. Perhaps she's picking up on your anxiousness and she feels a little rushed? Whatever the reason, she just wasn't ready, and perhaps will never want to kiss you.

What are you going to do when/if she does kiss you? Do you have a set timeline on when you think she should have sex with you? I see some tortured nights involving blue balls and cold showers in your future.
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Old 04-02-2010, 08:33 AM
 
471 posts, read 609,555 times
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dude, don't over think this. Mabe she's patient. If you like her go with it. You can't force her into anything. If you don't like, ditch her.
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Old 04-02-2010, 09:13 AM
 
Location: west palm beach, fla
38 posts, read 57,428 times
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there are guys out there that i'm intrested in but i wouldnt kiss, but for me i just wouldnt want to feel like i'm moving so fast because kissing can lead to other things, or i could still be trying to get over a past relationship and just want to take it easy!!!
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Old 04-02-2010, 09:43 AM
 
2,608 posts, read 2,942,256 times
Reputation: 2024
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
I met this girl from an online site and we started dating. The 1st date went very well, we had a good amount in common and seemed to get along really well. She seemed to have high interest in me as well. Great I thought and soon we had a 2nd date.
A second date is usually a good sign, but you shouldn't take it as "high interest" all the time. Just because she's going out with you again doesn't mean she likes you, unfortunately there's SOME women that will go out despite low interest (i.e. bored, making someone jealous, etc)

On the 2nd date things were going really well but after dinner I held her hand. At first she was hesitant but then went along with it but somehow I had a gut instinct that she was not comfortable, after a bit I let go and didn't touch her for the rest of the evening but I was a bit turned off by it also. I thought maybe she was nervous and we scheduled a 3rd date which was to a movie, I didn't make any physical contact the entire date except for an initial hug, the date went pretty well and I thought ok..maybe the discomfort on date #2 was some kind of anomaly so after the movie was over we were alone and I went for a kiss and she avoided my attempt We just hugged while leaving.
Mistake: you made the first physical contact = you held her hand. Don't do that, that made her uncomfortable, she realized you were very interested at that point, you should wait for her to make the first physical move in the future like touching your arm or hand. The only exception to this rule is when you go in for the kiss.

So, I figured she wasn't interested to take things in a romantic directions BUT she was still showing real interest and we were still talking...but my mind had already been made up that there was no chemistry and I thought that it was obvious to her as well, just by her gesture. Somehow we scheduled another "date" #4 and of course we had a good time, but i'm thinking as friends, but somehow I feel she thinks we are still dating! This time I felt she wanted to kiss me, I sensed it, but I didn't feel like it after what happened on date #2 so I just hugged her goodbye.
How is she showing "real interest" at this point? She's spending time with you, and you talk, but where is she showing the "real interest"? Please clarify.

Well so for my question:

In my past experience all the women who have been interested in me have not avoided my kiss, they have always been thrilled to kiss me...I mean why wouldn't you want to be kissed by someone you are interested in? doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever.
You are right, women won't kiss a guy they're not marginally interested in, but she could kiss you eventhough you may not have a chance as an LTR candidate.

Are there women out there that will not kiss a guy they are interested in? Or perhaps they will not kiss a guy for the first X number of dates no matter what, even if they risk losing the guy's interest? Seems like a really strange question to me but perhaps there is something I don't know.
No, if they turn their cheek when you go in for the kiss, you have your answer, consider it a blessing

I place a lot of interest in the kiss within 2-3 dates because to me it clearly shows mutual attraction and interest, absent which it's not worth forcing something that isn't there...agreed?
Not agreed, you should kiss on the first date. However, I too online date often, and the first date isn't really the first date, it's a first meet, however if you're ballsy enough you should land the kiss asap. Date #2 at the LATEST. If you don't make a move by date #2, it shows you have no backbone, tells her you're not interested, and most importantly: you have no idea where you stand. If you go in for the kiss you have an idea (kiss landed you're still in the game, kiss denied you're out of the game, move on, never call her again)
See bold response above, this is my initial response, I haven't read any other responses. Here we go...
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