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Old 04-03-2010, 02:55 AM
 
5,287 posts, read 8,809,174 times
Reputation: 2311
Default have you ever had an old relationship show up and felt weird??

Hello, I have recently made contact, or to say they found me with an old boyfriend. It was a terrible relationship, its was one of these good girls/bad boy attraction things and I was young and stupid. He was a violent loser. well 16 years later he still is a loser. Why do I want to make contact??? What is wrong with me? Why do I feel so bad about this? Why am I so attracted to this loser? I have everything going for me, changed my life, am nothing like this person but have this sick need to talk/meet / I dont know. I am wondering where does this come from? I mean its nothing but BAD NEWS! He is basically a poor, user , violent, controlling, mean jerk and 16 years later I cant sleep over it. How messed up! BTW, I am married to the most wonderful person which makes this crazy. Now dont read into this , I am not planning on running down there and having sex, its a matter of why do I want to talk to this person!!
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Old 04-03-2010, 05:46 AM
 
Location: LA
1,804 posts, read 2,078,688 times
Reputation: 1060
I think it's possible to love someone even if they are all those things. That doesn't mean you are right for each other.
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Old 04-03-2010, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Northeastern WI
19,340 posts, read 15,891,074 times
Reputation: 35869
Ive talked to old relationship guys before and in fact, my ex is a very good friend right now. Sometimes things are better off as friends, and we get along so much better, as we've grown older and wiser. Its better that way, and we could never be a couple again but he is the father of my daughter so....
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Old 04-03-2010, 08:43 AM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 9,383,304 times
Reputation: 7860
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevemorse View Post
Hello, I have recently made contact, or to say they found me with an old boyfriend. It was a terrible relationship, its was one of these good girls/bad boy attraction things and I was young and stupid. He was a violent loser. well 16 years later he still is a loser. Why do I want to make contact??? What is wrong with me? Why do I feel so bad about this? Why am I so attracted to this loser? I have everything going for me, changed my life, am nothing like this person but have this sick need to talk/meet / I dont know. I am wondering where does this come from? I mean its nothing but BAD NEWS! He is basically a poor, user , violent, controlling, mean jerk and 16 years later I cant sleep over it. How messed up! BTW, I am married to the most wonderful person which makes this crazy. Now dont read into this , I am not planning on running down there and having sex, its a matter of why do I want to talk to this person!!
Could it be that you want to show him how wonderful your life turned out without him?

You can't help whom you are attracted to, but my suggestion is to stay away from that fire. Don't talk to him. I can see this ending poorly.
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Old 04-03-2010, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
6,528 posts, read 8,149,133 times
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I'm guessing that your relationship with him, while not good, was passionate and that you didn't want it to end when it did. Am I close? And now you're married to a great guy who you love, but the passion is waning.

If I'm close, the answer is obvious. You're wanting passion back in your life.

Pardon me if I guessed wrong.
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Old 04-03-2010, 12:21 PM
 
3,261 posts, read 2,679,653 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
I'm guessing that your relationship with him, while not good, was passionate and that you didn't want it to end when it did. Am I close? And now you're married to a great guy who you love, but the passion is waning.

If I'm close, the answer is obvious. You're wanting passion back in your life.

Pardon me if I guessed wrong.
Exactly what I was thinking.

Do NOT make contact this person, unless you are willing to jeopordize the life you have today and your marriage. Nothing good will come of it.
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Old 04-03-2010, 12:33 PM
Ep-
 
2,015 posts, read 2,129,128 times
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my ex from college who cheated on me contacted me over a year later and we started talking. she ended up driving 6 hours hours to meet up at my place. had a nice dinner and she spent the night. she wanted me to move to pittsburgh where she lived. the next morning i was looking at her and realized i could never be in a relationship with her again. she was not happy!
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Old 04-04-2010, 02:05 AM
 
5,287 posts, read 8,809,174 times
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thanks did alot of thinking and you know what the truth is that this person basically used me at the time and only made contact because they figure I was another easy target to use financially. I cant see it any other way. He has no job, is going for disability is on assistance what more needs to be said. Its not me, its the same old manipulation crap. I basically would become the bank book again!! Thanks reality sucks but thats the truth. We were so different, we had nothing in common and to be honest the more I think about it the more I dont like this person.

I romanticized this whole damn thing is my head and in really never exisited.

thanks so much, took a day of thinking but I am back to reality.
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Old 04-04-2010, 07:21 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 13,154,278 times
Reputation: 4447
Maybe you want some sort of closure.
Better to back away and have no contact. In the end, some relationships are one sided, or negative and people being people are drawn sometimes to the negative.

You may also just be bored in your life and looking to recapture your youth.
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Old 04-04-2010, 07:23 AM
 
Location: Texas
27,520 posts, read 21,246,031 times
Reputation: 32311
Because for some reason or another, you were once very attracted and attached to this guy. Some part of that will usually live on inside you despite having made the logical, rational decision to move on and do what's healthier to you.
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