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I don't find the idea of a conjugal visit with George Costanza particularly appealing. Nor do I think he would be the guy to finagle his way past security. And can we, seriously, not compare Friends with Seinfeld?
Hi Redisca,
Even though I am not branded Nice Guy(TM), it made me laugh. I comply with your request.
Again, you are not getting it. The more enthusiastic you are about the relationship, the more eager you would be to see your SO coming back from a trip -- which would translate into your level of willingness to meet her as soon as possible after her arrival. As in, if you meet her at the airport, you are more interested than if you were to just let her take a cab home.
You seemed to have turned over a new leaf, T. I remember having incredulous conversations with you about how you perceived housekeeping to be a full-time job and therefore the reason you don't want your girlfriends to work. You used to say you liked your house really, really clean, far cleaner than could be accomplished in the few odd hours a working woman could devote to it. I remember that regular dusting of ceiling fans and vents was important. And now you're all, "Sit down, it can wait, who cares about the mess!" Good for you.
This I wouldn't completely agree with. As I understand it, the majority of women do it as a way of testing men, to see how they respond. It shows a woman that he is contantly tuning into her emotions and is trying to be as close, helpful and supportive towards her as possible...
(An example from Friends so apologies if you don't watch it or can't stand it!
ROSS: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
CHANDLER: That's easy, baggage claim.
ROSS: (buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.)
So, when she "tests" him and he doesn't pass, it's a sign that he's not completely present and focused on her and the relationship. It can be confusing, as you say, because nothing is said. However, if she were to tell you what you should be doing - eg. helping her carry clothes - you would be doing it because you had been asked, not because you were offering...
I already graduated from college, I do not need anymore tests. I let women know how it's going to be. From my experience, most women are not emotionally healthly.
They better test and check themselves.
When you stop the nonsense and decide to have a normal relationship, the women will stick with you if they are really into you.
When you put up with nonsense, it causes too much drama in the relationship. Women have become spoiled, if you test women the same way they do you, they would not take it.
Tell women to stop with the immature testing and they will respect you for it.
Last edited by Black Jack22; 04-09-2010 at 06:46 AM..
I would not to engage in the fight but not comply because the main goal is not to appear servile. I would not in anyway act angry.
After weathering this storm he should proceed as normal and act like nothing has happened. The next morning he can make breakfast or do some other act that is unusually helpful, but should not hint that it has anything to do with the events before. If pressed I would say because I felt like it. This will do several things. It will maintain his stature, and it will display he cares. Finally its indirection in communication. If she insists on discussing this directly, than he has already caught her in a bind as she desires direct communication.
You know what I LOVE? I LOVE IT when I tell my husband "hey hun, can you take out the trash, it is overflowing?" He says, "ok". The next morning, it is still heaping over. I say again "hey, can you take out this trash?" He says "yeah". When I get home from work, I find that the trash is STILL full. That is when I sit the trash on top of his computer chair and duct tape it there. Maybe THEN he will see it.
See, if men didn't feign acting so dense, we women wouldn't have to act so CRAZY. Men, that isn't crazy, that is call FRUSTRATION. Let me tell you, if you let your wife be frustrated with the chores, it will be you frustrated in the end, in the Bedroom!
In general I don't ask my husband to do anything unless it's something I can't fix or lift. (He takes care of all the yardwork and cars without me asking.) I guess this a product of seeing my mom order my dad around and feeling bad for him. I also do not criticize how he does something because would you want someone telling you how to do everything? I find that I'm happier if I want something done "now" I do it myself instead of building up all the frustration because my husband is not doing it when I like or how I like. Who wants to carry around all that stress and baggage of feeling like a victim. In most cases I think women, sometimes men, cause a lot of drama out of nothing. In the example given to us I think it's garbage the OP's wife blames her husband for not helping her. She wanted to do the laundry then, that is "her" objective and time table. Why not say, hey honey after we watch the movie could you help me with the laundry?" Why not say what you mean. It just adds a lot of tension and confusion to the relationship.
I don't think men should have to be mind readers. I don't think women should be doormats. There are better ways to communicate.
I have found that my husband helps out a lot more when I'm not breathing down his neck or evaluating how he does it. Of course this may not work for everyone but it works for me.
To save yourself much drama, just initiate assistance. This prevents you from hearing her mouth
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