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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cuinlalaland
OP, take it from a guy with years of experience living with just such a woman. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do or say that would make one bit of difference. If you help or don't help, do what YOU want to do, because she'll complain no matter what.
Maybe, maybe not, it's hard to say from one incident. I do agree with you some women simply are, well, *******, but alot of them actually do see reason, believe it or not!
You got it ALL wrong!! I'm surprised no one said this so far but here goes....
When you offered to watch a move and she said "I'll be be going back and forth putting away clothes and watching it" and you said "cool".....that's where you went wrong. YOU should have said "Baby, leave the clothes, it can wait. I want us to watch the movie together." She would have given you the biggest smile because it would have shown her that you wanted to spend time with her and doing household chores were not nearly as important as that.
Do I need to give a class or something??
This is a double edged sword, maybe at that moment she does want him to say that so she's getting upset about it. But if he were actually THAT kind of guy, she'd leave him because he is "too emotional" or "too needy". Those aren't masculine qualities, it'll make him look like a huge puusy, and she'll eventually leave him.
Believe it or not, some women like fighting about this stuff, and the fact she's upset about him NOT chasing her, only drives up her interest level even more, but only if your suggestion is the true case.
This is a double edged sword, maybe at that moment she does want him to say that so she's getting upset about it. But if he were actually THAT kind of guy, she'd leave him because he is "too emotional" or "too needy". Those aren't masculine qualities, it'll make him look like a huge puusy, and she'll eventually leave him.
Believe it or not, some women like fighting about this stuff, and the fact she's upset about him NOT chasing her, only drives up her interest level even more, but only if your suggestion is the true case.
Alas, that is why so many "manly" men are alone today. Afraid of looking "unmasculine" by saying they want to spend time with their SO.
I will agree with you some women like to argue and fight. However, there are men that put up with it and keep going back for more. IMO that man is a bigger p*ssy than the scenario I described.
It was an opportunity for them to spend time together. Believe me, she is just as guilty as him for how things ended up. I was pointing out his chance to make it happen and he may have ended up getting laid instead of fighting....who knows.
I'm a make love not war woman myself. The clothes could have walked themselves up the stairs for all I care.
When you offered to watch a move and she said "I'll be be going back and forth putting away clothes and watching it" and you said "cool".....that's where you went wrong. YOU should have said "Baby, leave the clothes, it can wait. I want us to watch the movie together." She would have given you the biggest smile because it would have shown her that you wanted to spend time with her and doing household chores were not nearly as important as that.
Do I need to give a class or something??
Your right about when it went wrong, but personally the "it can wait" would have made me furious. He should have helped her finish the laundry before he started the movie. I absolutly hate it when someone tells me to do something later when their sitting on their arse instead of offering to help me get it done now so I dont have to do it later.
There is some truth to this. I think as men you guys need to work on trying to anticipate needs, or pay attention to what us women say, or you will get a nag and nobody will be happy.
So...for example...ok, so she wanted you to help her out. That's a fair argument on your part that you had no way of knowing this is what she wanted. So you argued about it. Now...can we take this argument and do something with it to strengthen your relationship?
LISTEN to her and don't repeat it next time. I guarantee that if you learn from what caused the argument, and you don't repeat it, you will have one happy woman. So next time she's carrying something, go get it for her. Just do it. Even if it's not that heavy. And see what happens. And do it every time from now on.
Will there be other things she'd like you to have known, but you didn't? Sure. Will you argue about it? Sure. But when you know what those things are, don't repeat and make her ask again.
Relationships are all about meeting the needs of the two people involved. In your defense, make sure you let her know that you can meet her needs more easily if she tells you directly what she would like the FIRST time around. Because it is YOUR need that you be told directly what she would like you to do. And it is HER job to meet that need for you as well.
But after that, make sure she can trust that she doesn't have to tell you anymore. Hope this helps.
So, "anticipating" as in, mind-reading??
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1
Hi spinx,
My guess is, no it won't. I expect a dark streak of evil rising from the eons of our past as she begins to loath the weak, supplicant man who asks her for the 50th time on a Saturday if she need help.
Asking too many times does get old...
Quote:
Originally Posted by kodaka
You think she was doing laundry out of joy???? Or that she is doing any of the other household chores out of joy? She isn't doing it out of joy and she isn't expecting you to feel joy when helping either. But the work needs to be done, and you are equally responsible for the duties of the household and the family.
And half-assed work just so you can claim you've done your share doesn't count. You wouldn't appreciate her folding your dirty laundry and putting it back in the closet, would you? So don't expect her to appreciate your half-baked contributions either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2RUGGED4YOU
Geez, I have an idea from a guy who isn't even married!LOL...... You have a list of X to do and she has a list of X to do. 50/50 and no arguments! **runs away quickly**
See, after so many times of doing the same job, wouldn't you get sick of it? Gotta just do whats needing to be done, not make a list, otherwise who gets stuck with misc. stuff?
Quote:
Originally Posted by I LOVE PA!
wow..I'm surprised more women haven't said this....it definitely wasn't about the clothes.
you know...sometimes when I have stuff to do...not that I mind doing it...but when the husband is sitting, relaxing while I'm doing it...it just sometimes hits a nerve. I hate cleaning the house with anyone in it while they are relaxing too. Not that I think they should help.....just don't WATCH!
Very true, but when women see you relaxing, they need to ask for help considering you don't tend to pay attention to work needing done, be considerate, and don't put off work just to make the other do it
Quote:
Originally Posted by cuinlalaland
OP, take it from a guy with years of experience living with just such a woman. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do or say that would make one bit of difference. If you help or don't help, do what YOU want to do, because she'll complain no matter what.
This is not way to go about it...
Quote:
Originally Posted by sun queen
Sometimes it takes being a mind reader... or maybe a good guesser.
It is a guessing game...relationships are all about reading one another, if you can tell when something is going on, do something about it.
dont sit on the sideline and watch them work, be considerate, do what you can and don't argue over small issues...if you have to take an extra chore to make her happy
Your right about when it went wrong, but personally the "it can wait" would have made me furious. He should have helped her finish the laundry before he started the movie. I absolutly hate it when someone tells me to do something later when their sitting on their arse instead of offering to help me get it done now so I dont have to do it later.
Exactly, every woman is different, and unfortunately in this scenario we'll never know the reason she got upset.
This sounds a little ********ed of me, but I refuse to allow these types of fights or arguments in a relationship. Something as stupid as carrying clothes upstairt which could be solved with clear-cut communication is just unacceptable in my book. I won't deal with it. If my partner can't communicate with me directly and honestly about something that's bothering them then I'd rather not be in the relationship. I know WAY TOO MANY MEN who are in these types of relationships and it just hurts their overall attitude and happiness. I never want to be in their shoes.
Your right about when it went wrong, but personally the "it can wait" would have made me furious. He should have helped her finish the laundry before he started the movie. I absolutly hate it when someone tells me to do something later when their sitting on their arse instead of offering to help me get it done now so I dont have to do it later.
I agree but he stated earlier that he doesn't do the laundry so she would have not been expecting him to help.....or maybe she did and that's why she got p'oed.
I know when my husband and I rent a movie, I want us to watch it together not while I'm up and about doing things. Either wait until I'm finished to watch it or help, whatever....but we watch it together.
Alas, that is why so many "manly" men are alone today. Afraid of looking "unmasculine" by saying they want to spend time with their SO.
I will agree with you some women like to argue and fight. However, there are men that put up with it and keep going back for more. IMO that man is a bigger p*ssy than the scenario I described.
Morning seeniorita,
Absolutely correct.
Quote:
It was an opportunity for them to spend time together. Believe me, she is just as guilty as him for how things ended up. I was pointing out his chance to make it happen and he may have ended up getting laid instead of fighting....who knows.
I'm a make love not war woman myself. The clothes could have walked themselves up the stairs for all I care.
I repeat, laundry was not the issue. She was testing him to see if he was helpful consciously but the wrong move on his part would activate her subconsciously active array to sense weakness. That she initiated this test is a sign that mistakes have already been made.
My ex-girlfriend used to play that game. I was supposed to remember how her doctors appointment went etc. When I forgot, she would hammer me and we would fight. I was young and stupid. So I just did the same thing. She forgot to ask me about my dog whom I put to sleep. I just gave a hint. She flunked. She felt shame and said she would be angry. I smiled and said, "I know you would". I first started fighting games with games with the goal of arresting them. I have since found better ways.
Real screw ups though are not these things. If you wrecked the car and she gives you crap, its not a test.
I know when my husband and I rent a movie, I want us to watch it together not while I'm up and about doing things. Either wait until I'm finished to watch it or help, whatever....but we watch it together.
Yeah, I believe thats the point and probably why she was upset.
I would tell her she needs to ask, and I would say it like a father would to a naughty child. This should make her angry and I expect a fight. I would not to engage in the fight but not comply because the main goal is not to appear servile. I would not in anyway act angry.
Hello, Gwynedd. This may work for you, but I would not advise other men to try this. Mockery and condescension do not have a place in a loving, cooperative relationship.
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YOU should have said "Baby, leave the clothes, it can wait. I want us to watch the movie together." She would have given you the biggest smile because it would have shown her that you wanted to spend time with her and doing household chores were not nearly as important as that. 
**runs away quickly**
or maybe a good guesser.
