Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Seriously. I mean, if you can't spring for $20 - $30 worth of drinks in a night while enjoying someone's company, you shouldn't be in the bar in the first place.
And if you can't afford that, meet up for coffee, or go on a creative but low-maintenance date, like a bike ride or to free concert in a park. Where I used to live, there was an ultimate and awesome cheap date: The Smithsonian. It's almost a tradition in D.C. to say, "Let's meet by the elephant," referring to the one in the center of the National Museum of Natural History.
To be completely honest about it, at my age, a tiny little bell goes off in my head if someone wants a first date to be in a bar. Bars tend to be noisy and make it difficult to carry on a conversation, chances are we're going to be the oldest people in there unless it's a happy hour situation, and I'm just paranoid enough to wonder if the guy is hoping I'd get drunk and make an easy roll in the hay. That's not to say I wouldn't have a date in a bar, but I'd be quick to say, "I know this little place with outdoor tables, two-fers, and free appetizers on Wednesday nights. And it's right on the water." Or something like that. Suggest a place where I know we won't have to yell or deal with drunken mobs, but let the guy know I'm not trying to soak him for a night on the town when we're first meeting.
And then I wouldn't let my drink out of my sight.
Yes, I know, paranoid indeed, but I knew a woman who met a man with roofies.
And if you can't afford that, meet up for coffee, or go on a creative but low-maintenance date, like a bike ride or to free concert in a park. Where I used to live, there was an ultimate and awesome cheap date: The Smithsonian. It's almost a tradition in D.C. to say, "Let's meet by the elephant," referring to the one in the center of the National Museum of Natural History.
To be completely honest about it, at my age, a tiny little bell goes off in my head if someone wants a first date to be in a bar. Bars tend to be noisy and make it difficult to carry on a conversation, chances are we're going to be the oldest people in there unless it's a happy hour situation, and I'm just paranoid enough to wonder if the guy is hoping I'd get drunk and make an easy roll in the hay. That's not to say I wouldn't have a date in a bar, but I'd be quick to say, "I know this little place with outdoor tables, two-fers, and free appetizers on Wednesday nights. And it's right on the water." Or something like that. Suggest a place where I know we won't have to yell or deal with drunken mobs, but let the guy know I'm not trying to soak him for a night on the town when we're first meeting.
And then I wouldn't let my drink out of my sight.
Yes, I know, paranoid indeed, but I knew a woman who met a man with roofies.
Great ideas. Yes, there is a lot of scum out there.
And if you can't afford that, meet up for coffee, or go on a creative but low-maintenance date, like a bike ride or to free concert in a park. Where I used to live, there was an ultimate and awesome cheap date: The Smithsonian. It's almost a tradition in D.C. to say, "Let's meet by the elephant," referring to the one in the center of the National Museum of Natural History.
To be completely honest about it, at my age, a tiny little bell goes off in my head if someone wants a first date to be in a bar. Bars tend to be noisy and make it difficult to carry on a conversation, chances are we're going to be the oldest people in there unless it's a happy hour situation, and I'm just paranoid enough to wonder if the guy is hoping I'd get drunk and make an easy roll in the hay. That's not to say I wouldn't have a date in a bar, but I'd be quick to say, "I know this little place with outdoor tables, two-fers, and free appetizers on Wednesday nights. And it's right on the water." Or something like that. Suggest a place where I know we won't have to yell or deal with drunken mobs, but let the guy know I'm not trying to soak him for a night on the town when we're first meeting.
And then I wouldn't let my drink out of my sight.
Yes, I know, paranoid indeed, but I knew a woman who met a man with roofies.
No, not paranoid at all. You can't be too careful out there, especially during the early phases of dating.
I've taken care of myself for all of my adult life, including when I was married. I don't ask that someone "take care of me". If I implied that, then I need to correct THAT, right now. I ask that someone respect me, and treat me as a lady. There are many that don't know what that means anymore, and for that, I just shake my head over.
It apparently means that paying is his responsibility during the dating phase, per your earlier post, where you stated that once things were exclusive then your own chequebook comes into play.
He has responsibilities:
- to ask you out (we can SAY we ask men out, but nowhere in the OP was asking out mentioned; it was MEETING in a bar for the first time and the concensus leaped to the conclusion that he asked her and was cheap for asking the question -- that's how automatic it is)
- to pay during the initial phases of dating, until such time as you are "exclusive"
You, well... It's just kind of a pleasant ride with someone else getting the fare for these phases.
You "look at dating differently then" I, yet it's clear he needs to do the asking.
It's clear if he doesn't pay for you there won't be a second meeting. You said so.
It's clear that his time and money shouldn't be looked at as investment (I was gently chided for that), merely the pleasure of spending time and getting to know someone... BUT if he's not paying, there won't be a second meeting.
So there won't be a second meeting if he doesn't pay BUT he's not paying for the opportunity to meet a second time, because that would sound more like an investment and there's no investment, yet there WILL be a financial action on his part in order to obtain more of "the pleasure of your company".
You're not willing to invest more of your time in a man who's not gentlemanly enough (or possibly too cheap) for your tastes, right? Is there another word I should be using there? You could shift it to "waste" but that would suggest value, which brings us back to investment.
This is very entertaining. Some of the replies made me laugh so hard.
OK, it's a great idea to make the women pay. In actuality, as guys why we do we lower our value? Yes, it's a value thing. Why do guys pay for women's drinks because... we enjoy their company? Shouldn't that be the other way around if we value ourselves higher?
It's not a bad thing. Don't worry what others tell you! Try and get as many free beers are you can. And when you get really good at it, write a book about it and sell it to other guys...you'd make a fortune.
The more booze a woman has consumed the more likely she is to sleep with someone that she just met. Women are generally smaller and lighter then men so it takes much less less drinks for alcohol to impair her judgment. If she is matching you drink for drink, she is likely to get drunk before you do. If you are the person she is sitting around drinking with, there is an excellent chance you are the person she is going to sleep with that night.
Now in terms of equality, short term sex is a much better deal for men. Most sex acts with women involve bodily fluids somehow entering women and leaving men. That means women are much more likely to catch some sort of disease from any given one night stand than a guy is. Secondly the less well a woman knows you, the less likely she knows how responsible you are going to be if you get her pregnant. This is why proportionately fewer women than men are willing to agree to sleeping with someone on the first date.
Because there are a lot more men than women on any given night looking for a one night stand, she has bargaining power here and can pretty much expect booze in exchange for spending time with you.
If you want to increase your odds of having the one night stand with proposition her before you agree to pay for her drink. Tell her you are more than willing to pay for all the drinks she wants but before you do, you just want to make sure she will sleep with you tonight.
It works for two reasons. First you made your intentions abundantly clear. She knows you want to sleep her with and you put it out on the table, so there is no guessing on her part. Second if she says she won't sleep with you, then don't buy her a drink. Instead just accuse her of hustling men for drinks and act insulted.
The thing women hate more than anything else is being called out on being a gold digger. Women think of other women as gold diggers not themselves. If she attempts to step away from this situation, it looks like the entire reason she was talking to you was that she was indeed hustling drinks from you. So it creates a useful tension. To prove to you and to herself that she isn't a gold digger, there is an excellent chance she will sleep with you. Even if she acts insulted at first.
If she does walk away, then spend your beer money on some girl who will agree to sleep with you that night.
This is a risky thing to be doing. Getting someone drunk to sleep with them? Good luck on the rape charges which she might file when she wakes up next to you and feels bad about having sex with you.
That's not how I roll either. Drinks or gifts are not the way to really win over a woman. Once she likes you for who you are then you are free to buy gifts without going over board, but using it to get her is pretty lame imo.
I think the ladies are more concerned with the principle of him buying or offering to buy the drink.
It stands out because he is showing the sort of attitude that they prefer in a guy.
Personally if a woman offered to buy me a drink or pay for a whole date early on in our dating I would refuse and I'd prefer we just shouldered our own costs.
If we got to the point of being exclusive, then we could treat each other as the mood strikes.
As you stated above.
As far as gifts, I do not give or accept them.
Just seems a little bit materialistic to me.
Unless I buy a homeless person a couple of meals or a change of clothes.
Or maybe donate to the local children's hospital.
I know my way may limit my possibilities, but when I was active in dating I had no problem filling my free time.
This is very entertaining. Some of the replies made me laugh so hard.
OK, it's a great idea to make the women pay. In actuality, as guys why we do we lower our value? Yes, it's a value thing. Why do guys pay for women's drinks because... we enjoy their company? Shouldn't that be the other way around if we value ourselves higher?
Make them pay!
Great point.
I think that value system also works as an aspect to drive some men to become successful socioeconomically as well.
Taking the multitude of online forums into account , which people could be lying But real life evidence supports this, quite a few men and women still feel that a man should pay the majority of the time.
And even throwing in the principle of 'whoever asks, pays' still works to a ladies benefit because again quite a few of them expect for the man to take the lead an ask.
Knowing this, a guy knows he has a better chance of meeting a lady if he is willing to shell out some dollars to entertain them.
Since financial ability is the human version the lion's mane and the peacock's tail. And its an indication of his willingness to provide for her if a family situation is planned.
I am just lucky all women do not feel that way.
Otherwise I would have never gotten the time of day from any woman.
And I would still be a virgin.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
