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Unread 04-07-2010, 11:31 PM
 
Location: Redondo Beach, CA
7,116 posts, read 3,833,603 times
Reputation: 6972
Under every circumstance, remain calm.

Tell your daughter to please leave your bed. When she doesn't, gently take her by the hand and lead her out. If she's yelling, kicking and screaming for you to get your hands off her, place yourself between her and the bed and walk towards her, moving her closer and closer to the door. Never lose your temper. Speak very little.

Put locks on your bedroom door and enforce the privacy factor. If your wife yells at you about it, don't yell back, just shrug and calmly say, "my room is private and not for my daughter's presence." Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary. Always use a calm voice.

Stop letting your daughter defy you. If she smart-mouths you, show her to the door. Make it perfectly clear that she's not allowed to speak to you with disrespect in your own home. Make her leave every time she does it.

If your wife pitches a fit, tell her she's welcome to leave, too. Any woman who would allow her daughter to disrespect her father is in need of a time-out, herself.

Remember, at all times remain calm and reasoned.

Good luck!
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Unread 04-08-2010, 05:31 AM
 
801 posts, read 768,682 times
Reputation: 671
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill61 View Post
Under every circumstance, remain calm.

Tell your daughter to please leave your bed. When she doesn't, gently take her by the hand and lead her out. If she's yelling, kicking and screaming for you to get your hands off her, place yourself between her and the bed and walk towards her, moving her closer and closer to the door. Never lose your temper. Speak very little.

Put locks on your bedroom door and enforce the privacy factor. If your wife yells at you about it, don't yell back, just shrug and calmly say, "my room is private and not for my daughter's presence." Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary. Always use a calm voice.

Stop letting your daughter defy you. If she smart-mouths you, show her to the door. Make it perfectly clear that she's not allowed to speak to you with disrespect in your own home. Make her leave every time she does it.

If your wife pitches a fit, tell her she's welcome to leave, too. Any woman who would allow her daughter to disrespect her father is in need of a time-out, herself.

Remember, at all times remain calm and reasoned.

Good luck!
Excellent advice.
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Unread 04-08-2010, 06:00 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,265 posts, read 12,877,663 times
Reputation: 21493
You didn`t say how old your daughter is, or if she is living at your home.
I agree with the others and say that you need to take the reigns of your household. Apparently, you have tried talking to your wife and that did not work. This sounds like a tough sitution to be in, but it sounds like its time to sit your daughter down, and tell her how you feel. Good luck!!
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Unread 04-08-2010, 06:14 AM
 
53 posts, read 91,542 times
Reputation: 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
She'll be out in no time, yeah, along with her mom

I'm wondering if the OP will have the same issues blocking his head, if it were his "own" daughter

Fatherhood in this case isn't about shagging step-daughter's mom alone. It's all about being a father.

And I wonder if the mother would be tolerating this behavior if the girl were a product of this marriage.

That said, go to Lowe's and get a locking doorknob for your door and keep it locked when she is in your home.

Your wife and you would benefit from some couples' counseling. She is letting the daughter call the shots and drive the wedge, this can happen with children of divorce or even bio-children in two parent families. They know "united you stand, divided you fall". You and wife need to be a team, equal partners.

Here's the problem, you have two more children that are watching this behavior and at least one of them will pull the same sh*t when they get older.
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Unread 04-08-2010, 06:25 AM
 
8,424 posts, read 21,748,091 times
Reputation: 5827
Quote:
Originally Posted by NVplumber View Post
. Our daughter is raising havoc with our marriage. This is not a new thing, it has been going on for far to long. She got herself pregnant, with a varmint who seriously needs killin', and to 'keep her relationship with her daughter intact' my wife insisted that I tolerate the creep, until hings got wayyyy out of hand, then I needed to 'handle it'. So, now we can at least all agree the guy is vermin, and our daughter now uses the grandbaby as a tool to keep herself planted firmly in between my wife and I. She is at our house , every single day, for t least 4-5 hours, in the evening, usually she goes into OUR bedroom, lays on my side of the bed, text messaging, while my wife chases the baby around the house. So, I says this needs to stop, my wife flips out, and , of course , the daughter (I adopted her and her older brother, we have one together as well, ...still living at home) takes this as her cue to call me an 'abusive *******" (drama is her speciality) and the whole thing goes nuclear twixt my wife and I. Every single time I try and talk about this with my wife she will not hear my concerns, or see what I see. There is far more going on, and things that have gone on, than I can list here,however, my biggest concern is the strain this is putting on my marriage. The daughter knows how to play her mother, and the MIL as well,(nuther long story) and I get to be the dick. All I want is my own household back, and for the daughter to be a friggin adult and respect our home. What does a guy do when his wife puts the daughter and grandchild so far above her husband? Actually just refuses to see what this girl is doing? I cannot describe how infuriated I am getting with this, but, I know if I do what I want to do, it's going to get all kinds of ugly. Right now, I can't care a whit about alienating my daughter. She has disrespected me to the point that I don't care anymore. She is a nasty creature, it pains me to say that, but, it's true. I suppose this is just a vent , at the end of the day, but it helps to put it all down somewhere. Sometimes, I sorely miss the days when it was just me, my dog and the most I had to worry about was filling my gas tank. As much as I love my wife, I can't take much more of this. I cannot even fathom how MY Dad would have reacted to this. Ya know, small as it seems , in the big picture, the laying on my bed (even going in our bedroom without so much as a by your leave) irritates me the most. The parents bedroom is PRIVATE, and off limits, in the world I grew up in. What is with todays youth? Why my wife cannot see how I feel about this (she actually said I was being "stupid") is just beyond me. (sigh) maybe I'll just take off on my horse for a couple weeks, the solitude might put things in perspective a bit more.
Sounds like you want total control of the house and your daughter wishes the same thing you do. Wishes for freedom.
I see a lot of talking but no one on either side seems to be listening or communicating. Maybe your wife likes to chase the baby around and have the daughter there? Did you ever think about that? Without the extra details this sounds like a kid close to her mom and the mom loves the grandbaby but you are jealous that you are not getting the attention you used to before the baby. That is a common reaction in men. When a baby enters the picture they get in an uproar about lack of control and dwindling attention. Now as far as the father being vermin...What is that? Make sure you are not projecting that hatred on the rest of the family because you want to ring his neck. You have a healthy baby to be happy with. Stop taking what you do have for granted and start learning how to love where you are at. Not where you wish you were.
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Unread 04-08-2010, 06:29 AM
 
53 posts, read 91,542 times
Reputation: 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
Sounds like you want total control of the house and your daughter wishes the same thing you do. Wishes for freedom.
I see a lot of talking but no one on either side seems to be listening or communicating. Maybe your wife likes to chase the baby around and have the daughter there? Did you ever think about that? Without the extra details this sounds like a kid close to her mom and the mom loves the grandbaby but you are jealous that you are not getting the attention you used to before the baby. That is a common reaction in men. When a baby enters the picture they get in an uproar about lack of control and dwindling attention. Now as far as the father being vermin...What is that? Make sure you are not projecting that hatred on the rest of the family because you want to ring his neck. You have a healthy baby to be happy with. Stop taking what you do have for granted and start learning how to love where you are at. Not where you wish you were.

Wow.

Why do you hate men?
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Unread 04-08-2010, 06:37 AM
 
8,424 posts, read 21,748,091 times
Reputation: 5827
I don't. This is a common thing that happens to some guys.
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Unread 04-08-2010, 06:40 AM
 
53 posts, read 91,542 times
Reputation: 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
I don't. This is a common thing that happens to some guys.

What is common? Not being treated like a man in your own home?
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Unread 04-08-2010, 06:41 AM
 
8,424 posts, read 21,748,091 times
Reputation: 5827
WTF is "treated like a man"?! Maybe if he would act like a man and stop whining like a child he would get said treatment?

baby jealousy:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/in...4223230AAtdKmg
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Unread 04-08-2010, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,079 posts, read 7,789,343 times
Reputation: 3589
You do still have your balls, right? You're the husband and the father here. You need to start laying down the law and and getting your house back in order. If you feel that order is too tall then you need to start distancing yourself from your daughter, she is obviously co-dependent on your wife and those two obviously tag-team you.
You should be a united front with your wife when it comes to discipline. If your kids are adults, why are they still living at home? As the other parent, your job is to also show some tough love sometimes. I feel your pain but until you are able to keep your cool and start getting your house back in order, all of these outbursts and other crap are still going to happen until you just can't take it and leave.
I can relate too since I was a single parent who eventually re-married and went through similar things (well similar is only slightly similar, we never had this kind of drama) but kids do definitely pit parents against parents. It sounds like you have a short fuse and unfortunately it's working against you. It's time for serious ultimatums.
Good luck.

Incidentally, I would have left on my horse by now LOL - I don't handle drama well and if my own family were to disrespect me like that I'd be like see ya suckers and good luck paying all the bills.

Last edited by andreaspercheron; 04-08-2010 at 07:03 AM.. Reason: Forgot to add this....
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