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Old 04-09-2010, 06:38 AM
 
53 posts, read 98,862 times
Reputation: 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
I think you need to start with your wife. If your wife is not on your team then you have no chance of conquering this problem. Sit her down and talk to her, express that you feel this is negatively impacting your marriage and it has to change. Don't give her an ultimatum (me or the kid), just set some boundaries (visits only 3 days a week limited to 2 hours of purpose - no texting, no free babysitting, etc). Be willing to compromise.

If your wife is not willing to work with you then you may want to reconsider what the marriage means to her - and you.

This.
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Old 04-09-2010, 08:35 AM
 
Location: NW Nevada
6,924 posts, read 4,871,532 times
Reputation: 4480
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
NVPlumber, your wife putting her daughter ahead of you is not a new thing. You have trained your wife to behave this way by not putting your foot down YEARS ago. Because of this, you now must suffer the consequences.

I suggest you take up golf or maybe fishing. You cannot change your wife. Accept it and make the best of it or get rid of her. Sorry to be so blunt.

20yrsinBranson
Pastimes? Well, I have enough of those. Honestly, this is all going to work out. I just needed to pop a safety valve, so I did. There is a beautiful bass pond, oh, bout a half mile away from our front door, and my front yard is 6 million acres of BLM. If I need to get lost, and I do, regular, it's no more than saddle up time away. At any rate, like I said, it's going to work out, and I am far calmer now than when I put up the OP. Doing so helped my brain start functioning again (and lowered my blood pressure some) and my wife sent our daughter home last night without me saying a word. Me sainted Dad was right, you have to let a woman come to terms on her own. Forcing the issue, ANY issue, is like wrestling a pig in the mud. Ain't no future in it. Hell, life is good, and I never had to say anything. Sometimes the quiet method gets the point across.
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Old 04-09-2010, 03:34 PM
 
8,681 posts, read 7,283,506 times
Reputation: 14924
Quote:
Originally Posted by NVplumber View Post
She was 8 when I adopted her , her brother was 10. Our youngest is now 14. She is 22 her brother is 24. It's a long story leading up to my decision to adopt, and there is a LOT of water under the bridge that led up to the current situation. The big issue with our daughter is her penchant for drama (major queen) and some type of cross wiring that leads her to believe she has to present herself as coming from a 'broken home' to all her 'friends'. Her ex boyfriend, the father of our grandchild, is the son of the worst enemy I have on this Earth. He is a chip off the block as well, drugs, burglary, various assault charges, the rapsheet on the entire family is quite lengthy. He is currently back in jail for a drug related probation violation. He has never payed a dime in support( can't hold a legal job) and his daddy was ordered, ever so subtly of course, by the deputies, to leave town, and don't come back. Oh, I seen it all comin' when it first became known to us that she was seeing the maggot, I was not exactly thrilled. What do I know aye. She and her brother are no less mine for having been adopted. That has NOTHING to do with anything, except for her usinfg that as a piece in her play, portraying me as the 'evil stepdad'. Uh huh, thats me all over. It will all come out in the wash, may get a bit dicey, I'd rather track a cattle killing cougar across bare rock into a blind canyon on a spooky horse. Having done the latter before, trust me, that would be easier. It does make me feel a tad better getting this all off my chest, even in such an anonomyous setting. Sometimes just writing stuff down helps put things in perspective ya know.
She's 22?

Wow, what an ungrateful brat. I can see why you'd be frustrated with her.

What I don't understand is why your wife is being such a doormat for a spoiled-rotten churl who is old enough to lie in her own bed, literally and figuratively. Never mind the belief that parents should present a united front: Your wife should be just as disgusted as you are on the grounds that savagery is unacceptable, period.

Is there any part of your house that you can claim as solely your own? Like a man-cave, for want of a better word. Then when the brat comes over, you can disappear for a while and ignore her. Let your wife deal with her.

And a vacation by yourself for a few weeks really doesn't sound like a bad idea.
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