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Guys, if you were interested in a girl, and she rejected you because she said she was asexual and not interested in romance at all from anyone,
Would you believe her?
I realize that in either scenario, the fact is she is conveying that she doesn't want you in any romantic way.
But I want to know if I can believe such a statement that not desiring a partner is even possible if you are capable of reproducing (as far as I know, she is capable of making babies...)
I want to know if the asexual story should be viewed as a lie, which would make me angry when I hear such a thing...
or if it should be viewed as truth, which would make me a lot more understanding when situations like this does happen.
Guys, if you were interested in a girl, and she rejected you because she said she was asexual and not interested in romance at all from anyone
I would think it's generally another version of a gentle letdown, unless she's really going through something very important, disturbing, and distracting at the time.
But I want to know if I can believe such a statement that not desiring a partner is even possible if you are capable of reproducing (as far as I know, she is capable of making babies...)
I'm deleting my post to try to stem the inevitable well-spring of advice. I didn't post what I did so that other people could tell me how to fix myself, but I should have realized that would happen. I was just responding to the OP's earnest question with my own perspective.
Last edited by Niftybergin; 04-09-2010 at 09:31 PM..
Self-perpetuating, I guess, in that as time went on with minimal sexual activity, my already low libido just decreased even further.
Well, I believe that's how it is for most people when they're alone. It doesn't mean your drive can't and won't change if you find yourself in a satisfying relationship...
Guys, if you were interested in a girl, and she rejected you because she said she was asexual and not interested in romance at all from anyone,
Would you believe her?
I realize that in either scenario, the fact is she is conveying that she doesn't want you in any romantic way.
But I want to know if I can believe such a statement that not desiring a partner is even possible if you are capable of reproducing (as far as I know, she is capable of making babies...)
I want to know if the asexual story should be viewed as a lie, which would make me angry when I hear such a thing...
or if it should be viewed as truth, which would make me a lot more understanding when situations like this does happen.
I think that it's possible. Men have much stronger sexual urges than women. I know that sometimes I get really wrapped up in my work or one of my hobbies, and romance/sex can be the furthest thing from my mind for long periods of time. But with any boyfriend I've had, no matter how busy they get with other things, they are always in the mood for sex.
If she's ever been sexually or emotionally abused, then that could have turned her off permanently from romance and sex. Or she has hormonal issues. Or she's never had a decent boyfriend that has satisfied her sexually. Or she enjoys other activities a lot more than sex.
But I don't get why you'd be angry if she was lying to you. She's not interested in you romantically, so... so what? Would you be happier if she told you that she's looking for a romance but you didn't turn her on in any way?
It's possible.. Being asexual and being interested in romance are two separate things though. For me, I do NOT want a bf, do not want marriage or kids. I'm 31 now and I KNOW I don't want kids. If I were to tell a guy that I want to be alone it's not an excuse, it's true. I believe that eventually I will get cheated or screwed over anyways so there's no point. I don't trust anyone and I will never ever let anyone have my heart again.
However, I'm not asexual. I have someone I see once in awhile sexually but he's not my bf. I'm still very sexual. I just don't ever want romance or marriage or a bf. I really want to be alone romance wise. For me, sex and love are completely different and completely separate.
I think that it's possible. Men have much stronger sexual urges than women. I know that sometimes I get really wrapped up in my work or one of my hobbies, and romance/sex can be the furthest thing from my mind for long periods of time. But with any boyfriend I've had, no matter how busy they get with other things, they are always in the mood for sex.
If she's ever been sexually or emotionally abused, then that could have turned her off permanently from romance and sex. Or she has hormonal issues. Or she's never had a decent boyfriend that has satisfied her sexually. Or she enjoys other activities a lot more than sex.
But I don't get why you'd be angry if she was lying to you. She's not interested in you romantically, so... so what? Would you be happier if she told you that she's looking for a romance but you didn't turn her on in any way?
I know this sounds strange, but I would be a lot happier with the direct truth. Being lied to, not just in these types of situations, but in any situation sucks.
If a girl directly told me "I'm just not interested in you, because it's you" that would feel ten times better than any type of lie excuse.
Okay maybe I wouldn't feel so angry, but the truth definitely feels better.
I think that it's possible. Men have much stronger sexual urges than women. I know that sometimes I get really wrapped up in my work or one of my hobbies, and romance/sex can be the furthest thing from my mind for long periods of time. But with any boyfriend I've had, no matter how busy they get with other things, they are always in the mood for sex.
For me personally, I think about sex numerous times a day. That doesn't mean I want romance though. I can have a very high sex drive and still not want a bf and really want to be alone. I have other venues of satisfying my needs which don't need to involve a relationship.
I know this sounds strange, but I would be a lot happier with the direct truth. Being lied to, not just in these types of situations, but in any situation sucks.
If a girl directly told me "I'm just not interested in you, because it's you" that would feel ten times better than any type of lie excuse.
Okay maybe I wouldn't feel so angry, but the truth definitely feels better.
If I tell a guy "I'm not interested in you because I just don't like men. I don't want to date ANYONE. I want to be left alone", its a 100 percent truth. It's not a lie, at least not for me. I mean it.
I know this sounds strange, but I would be a lot happier with the direct truth. Being lied to, not just in these types of situations, but in any situation sucks.
If a girl directly told me "I'm just not interested in you, because it's you" that would feel ten times better than any type of lie excuse.
Okay maybe I wouldn't feel so angry, but the truth definitely feels better.
I think there are people - both men and women who are mostly asexual. Like anything it's a scale - some people are extremely sexual and getting it on with someone is always on their mind, then there are those who are on the other end of the scale who aren't into primarily sexual relationships. Also people can vary where they are on that scale through time and circumstances.
I suspect that this woman believes you want a sexual relationship with her and maybe not much else and she doesn't want it.
It can also be that she's got other things taking up her time at this point in her life and really doesn't want a relationship of any kind. At any point, it seems that she's telling you to move on, she probably isn't lying that she's not looking for sex or romance from any guy at least at this point in time.
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