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Old 04-12-2010, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
13,238 posts, read 10,908,040 times
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Hearing your compositions performed is a big deal, but it all depends on how far in advance did you promise to attend this event with her? Is there any way that you could miss the First Communion, but still attend the typical family luncheon afterward?
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:04 PM
 
24,548 posts, read 14,932,100 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raymusic View Post
I agree with us, but she said to me that when something happens like this, I leave her in a second place, and that I do not fight for us, for the couple. I understand her.
While I understand what you are saying - it's a two way street and not everything has to fall in your lap to compromise over. It's give and take and this is actually minor in comparison to things that will come up in the future. I don't see it as 'leaving her in second place.' Two things are occuring and both are significant to the other person. If you can't attend together then the only option is to attend alone and meet up later. As for her arguement the same could be said about her...why is she putting you in second place and not attending your concert?
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:08 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
21,296 posts, read 19,400,882 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raymusic View Post
We have been together for 2 years.
Okay. That probably puts you in a more meaningful place in the family, rather than some guy she's been dating for a few weeks. If you know her family very well, especially the little girl and her parents, I can see her point of view. This is a very big deal to Catholics; it's a sacred ritual akin to weddings. If you already RSVP'd to this thing, you're breaking several rules of etiquette by not going. (If you committed to the concert first, you are off the hook, but you should still send your deep regrets for missing the event.)

However, your concert is a big deal for you, and I get that. I understand that you really want to go to this instead, so I'm not going to give you a hard time about it. Is there a reception afterward? Can you go to ANY part of the communion? Will you see these people some other time, where you can offer a sincere apology in person and congratulate your girlfriend's niece? Can you send a handwritten note? Flowers? If you can do something to make up for this, you should.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:10 PM
 
32 posts, read 20,454 times
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Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
As for her arguement the same could be said about her...why is she putting you in second place and not attending your concert?
Because I said to her that I would go to the First Communion, and I knew the date of the premiere later.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:12 PM
 
32 posts, read 20,454 times
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Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Is there any way that you could miss the First Communion, but still attend the typical family luncheon afterward?
No way. They coincide at the same time.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,257 posts, read 11,346,216 times
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Originally Posted by raymusic View Post
No way. They coincide at the same time.
Here is a really good Americanism for you to add to your vocabulary-----"Dude! You're Fu*ked!
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:21 PM
 
32 posts, read 20,454 times
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Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Is there a reception afterward? Can you go to ANY part of the communion? Will you see these people some other time, where you can offer a sincere apology in person and congratulate your girlfriend's niece? Can you send a handwritten note? Flowers? If you can do something to make up for this, you should.
You understands me wery well, but the Communion it is at 5.00 p.m. and the concert it is at 6.00 p.m. so I have to choice. Under the point of view of my girlfriend, I will retire her or I will be with her in her important moment.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:25 PM
 
8,681 posts, read 7,807,993 times
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Thanks for clarifying. This is really a tough call. Julia and Thursday both have good points.

I would opt for attending your concert and sending deep regrets, a personal card, and a nice gift about the Communion. My reasoning is that this is extended family, and, between you and me, as a fellow creative, I can understand how important it is to your career and to you as an artist. If I had written a play and it was opening, I'd be in attendance.

Another thing you might consider: If you know the little girl well and she looks up to you, maybe you could stop by earlier in the afternoon and deliver your apology in person. You can even explain that you are very sorry to miss her big event, but that you wanted her to know she's important and that's why you came by.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:32 PM
 
24,548 posts, read 14,932,100 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raymusic View Post
You understands me wery well, but the Communion it is at 5.00 p.m. and the concert it is at 6.00 p.m. so I have to choice. Under the point of view of my girlfriend, I will retire her or I will be with her in her important moment.
This is the part that concerns me in the long haul and that's the 'all or nothing' attitude and mentality. You also mentioned this in a previous post giving the impression this is not the first time an issue like this has presented itself. There needs to be some discussion between the two of you on this issue of give and take and it's not abandonment if you have separate responsibilities and interests. It appears to be about her, her, her. Where are you in this equation? Not with this specific issue of the concert/communion, but in general with the relationship issues.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:35 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
21,296 posts, read 19,400,882 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raymusic View Post
You understands me wery well, but the Communion it is at 5.00 p.m. and the concert it is at 6.00 p.m. so I have to choice. Under the point of view of my girlfriend, I will retire her or I will be with her in her important moment.
By "retire her," do you mean that your girlfriend will break up with you if you do not go to the Communion?

Also, why is it your girlfriend's important moment? Won't she be watching from the pews like everyone else?
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