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Old 04-13-2010, 03:00 PM
 
Location: The world is my home
172 posts, read 630,053 times
Reputation: 110

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So, I recently reconnected with a friend from high school. We are both in our early twenties. Kinda had feelings in high school, but I was in a relationship. Fast forward a few years, and we meet for coffee. I thought I was being normal- I'm just a flirt by nature, nothing new. He send me a text later on saying that he felt there was something there--- I said maybe there is?! Problem, however, he has a girlfriend. He loves her, but it questioning whether he's IN LOVE with her. So, we have talked a bit more, texting and stuff, and now things seem a bit awkward. He was too busy to meet up for coffee, which is understandable as he is in college and works a lot. However, now that the feelings are out there, he is avoiding me because he has feelings and is torn between his girlfriend and myself? Or is he just avoiding me? I'm unsure of HOW much to ask him about his reasoning for not being able to meet up, but I don't want to sound like a nag. I love him as a friend, and always want to be friends, however if he was single, I know there could be a good relationship between us.

Sorry this is so long, but any thoughts?! Thank you for taking the time to read this long winded post!
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Old 04-13-2010, 03:05 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,380,553 times
Reputation: 42509
Who knows what he is thinking? It sounds to me like he is uncomfortable with his feelings for you and possibly the flirting. He is in a relationship. I don't put a lot of stock in the "friends" thing when one person admits to having feelings. Bad idea. He's distancing himself from you.

If he breaks up with his girlfriend and wants to see you again, great. If not, leave him alone.
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Old 04-13-2010, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,408 posts, read 28,926,977 times
Reputation: 7273
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas2010 View Post
So, I recently reconnected with a friend from high school. We are both in our early twenties. Kinda had feelings in high school, but I was in a relationship. Fast forward a few years, and we meet for coffee. I thought I was being normal- I'm just a flirt by nature, nothing new. He send me a text later on saying that he felt there was something there--- I said maybe there is?! Problem, however, he has a girlfriend. He loves her, but it questioning whether he's IN LOVE with her. So, we have talked a bit more, texting and stuff, and now things seem a bit awkward. He was too busy to meet up for coffee, which is understandable as he is in college and works a lot. However, now that the feelings are out there, he is avoiding me because he has feelings and is torn between his girlfriend and myself? Or is he just avoiding me? I'm unsure of HOW much to ask him about his reasoning for not being able to meet up, but I don't want to sound like a nag. I love him as a friend, and always want to be friends, however if he was single, I know there could be a good relationship between us.

Sorry this is so long, but any thoughts?! Thank you for taking the time to read this long winded post!
Personally I don't get the distinction between LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with someone when it comes to romantic relationships. Sure there's a difference when it comes to your family, close friends, etc. ... you aren't "in love" with them you "love" them. However in a romantic relationship it seems to me they are interchangeable, yet many people do make this distinction. I guess I am the odd one out ...

Anyway, I think the situation with his avoiding you is that he is involved with another girl and he intends to stay that way and he does not want to cheat on her.

I think your situation of "loving him as a friend" but "knowing there could be a good relationship" is that you are really interested in having a relationship with him and would like it if his girlfriend was out of the picture, not that you are actually only looking to sustain a platonic friendship, or you wouldn't be twisting your brain into a pretzel trying to figure out why he has no time to meet in person.

My advice would be to leave him alone and look for someone else to date.
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Old 04-13-2010, 03:09 PM
 
Location: The D-M-V area
13,694 posts, read 15,657,512 times
Reputation: 9520
I agree with Julia.

If he's distancing himself he's definitely unsure of his feelings toward you and although you have a past it may not be enough to make him leave his current situation.

Did you know he was involved before you started flirting with him?

Probably rekindled some feelings on his side, but you don't want to be the reason for their split.

Just chock it up as experience, keep him on the backburner (in case if in the future he breaks up with her) and let him know that you know he's involved and won't tread on his relationship and want to remain friends.
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Old 04-13-2010, 03:11 PM
 
4,100 posts, read 6,153,073 times
Reputation: 5645
I would just remain his friend and not worry or wonder why he couldn't meet for coffee. Sometimes we tend to make something out of nothing. Next time you are around him just be your normal self and go light on the flirting. If you don't push him away, he will probably always be your friend.
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Old 04-13-2010, 03:49 PM
 
8,415 posts, read 35,353,205 times
Reputation: 6269
You want a guy that flirts with chicks other than his girl over coffee?

Think about it. What someone else does to another, they will do to you too.

And more importantly:
Do you want the rep as a sleazy boyfriend poaching skank?
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Old 04-13-2010, 06:11 PM
 
1,882 posts, read 4,119,824 times
Reputation: 2661
He's taken, move on.

Not hard to understand.
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Old 04-14-2010, 12:17 AM
 
Location: The world is my home
172 posts, read 630,053 times
Reputation: 110
Wow. Had my laptop at school, and someone does this?! How do I go about asking the Moderator to delete this thread?!

It even looks like me--- I always use ?! ?!

Since I am new to city data, could someone let me know how to fix this?
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Old 04-14-2010, 06:20 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,005 posts, read 18,644,140 times
Reputation: 5464
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas2010 View Post
Wow. Had my laptop at school, and someone does this?! How do I go about asking the Moderator to delete this thread?!

It even looks like me--- I always use ?! ?!

Since I am new to city data, could someone let me know how to fix this?
Too late! Once in the CD blackhole there's no getting out! Bahahahahahahah!!
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Old 04-14-2010, 06:35 AM
 
26,050 posts, read 33,064,041 times
Reputation: 32325
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas2010 View Post
So, I recently reconnected with a friend from high school. We are both in our early twenties. Kinda had feelings in high school, but I was in a relationship. Fast forward a few years, and we meet for coffee. I thought I was being normal- I'm just a flirt by nature, nothing new. He send me a text later on saying that he felt there was something there--- I said maybe there is?! Problem, however, he has a girlfriend. He loves her, but it questioning whether he's IN LOVE with her. So, we have talked a bit more, texting and stuff, and now things seem a bit awkward. He was too busy to meet up for coffee, which is understandable as he is in college and works a lot. However, now that the feelings are out there, he is avoiding me because he has feelings and is torn between his girlfriend and myself? Or is he just avoiding me? I'm unsure of HOW much to ask him about his reasoning for not being able to meet up, but I don't want to sound like a nag. I love him as a friend, and always want to be friends, however if he was single, I know there could be a good relationship between us.

Sorry this is so long, but any thoughts?! Thank you for taking the time to read this long winded post!
He has a girlfriend. He's just being frisky...that's it. MOVE ON.
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