Mateo45, thanks for responding to my posting. Now I'd like to respond to a some statements you made:
Quote:
Sorry there "tg", but gotta agree with "coolhand" that from what you've indicated, the place to start looking for answers is by taking a hard look at yourself, especially whenever we seem to be having the same problem, over and over and over!
|
That's very true. And it's what I've been doing here, have received some helpful feedback/advise. I've already come to realize there's room for improvement on my part, and that there's some ways I should to try to change my behavior when meeting men in a potential dating situation.
Quote:
The "never married", etc. in all that time is always a big red flag to me
|
Not everyone is interested in being married. I never was, mostly because I never wanted to have kids. Marriage is still not a priority to me but I've always wanted to be in a good longterm relationship. Was lucky to have that for almost 10 yrs from my mid-20s to mid-30s, would like to find it again. I also don't mind at all if a man in my age group has never been married, doesn't bother me at all! (I'm more a nontraditional person & prefer to meet a man who's also not so traditional/conventional.) Here's my answers when asked these questions:
Q. "How come you've NEVER been married?"
A. Just lucky, I guess! And never had to go thru a horrible divorce either, unlike so many other people in my age group, isn't that great?!
Q. "How come you've NEVER had kids?"
A. Just lucky, I guess, that I realized by an early age (12) that I never wanted to have kids! Been the absolute right decision for me!
At the same time, I've very aware that the majority of people, both male & female, view never being married at my age as a "Red Flag." All I can do is try to to find someone who's not narrow-minded about this issue, someone who can see my never-married/no kids status as a positive! I do! Hey, I've got no baggage-- no ex-husband or kids to deal with! No grandkids either! There's got to be someone out there who would be happy about this-- I feel that way when I find out a male's got no kids or ex-baggage! Yippee!
Quote:
the lack of "close friends" (your "relocation" notwithstanding.... so you don't do phones or emails?)
|
Quote:
I'm hearing "issues" with any woman who makes broad (sexist) statements like "I preferred getting feedback from females here instead of male feedback. For one thing, reading comprehension is important..."!
|
First of all, as I pointed out previously, Coolhand68 incorrectly interpreted my statements about friends-- I never stated that I don't have ANY friends Or any CLOSE friends. Instead, I stated that currently I don't have any close
female friends-- from that he concluded that I had NO friends at all, which is incorrect (I have close
male friends & have some female acquaintances, mostly thru tennis.) I've actually had more MALE friends than female friends the past 10 yrs and currently have two close male platonic friends (including my roommate.)
Part of the reason I was requesting/preferring a
female point of view/feedback
to this particular situation was because I already have lots of access to
male points of view. But unlike many women out there, I just don't have that close female friend/relative right now to give me a female point of view-- it was NOT because of any "sexist" agenda!! I like men! I just already have lots of opportunities to get male feedback but lacking opportunities for feedback from females!
And about the difficulties of holding onto friendships
("your "relocation" notwithstanding.... so you don't do phones or emails?") when you move away from an area/relocate?? Not sure why you think this makes me so strange or somehow "suspicious", I'm certainly not the only one this has happened to-- how about all the postings right here on City-Data forums about this topic? I've seen this exact problem discussed over and over again on several of the city relocation boards I've looked at. It's a very common dilemma to move to a new area & lose touch w/ previous friends plus have difficulty finding new friends in that new location, all kinds of people have this dilemma, it doesn't make me so odd!
Furthermore, my statement about "reading comprehension" being important was specifically addressed to Coolhand68 because he misread my original posting & demonstrated a lack of reading comprehension when he incorrectly jumped to the conclusion that I had NO friends based on what I had written. However, I admit that I could have made it more clear that I was addressing this directly to Coolhand68-- the way I wrote it was somewhat awkward & could be misinterpreted to imply a lack of reading comprehension on the part of ALL males, NOT what I meant at all!
Quote:
am always amazed at the number of single "mature" women these days that will spend the entire first date talking about "them", and only them!
|
You have a good point here, it's very important to not talk only about yourself on a first date (or a first meeting for friendship or tennis.) But I really don't think that's my problem. I always try to get to know the other person by drawing them out if they're shy, asking questions, finding out about their likes/dislikes, what they enjoy, where they're from, etc. (whether this is with a male or female for friendship or with a male for a potential dating.) It's only human to be focused on oneself, especially when a little nervous in a social situation. But I honestly think I do my best to focus on the other person also. I'll even go out of my way to try to help the other person feel more comfortable if we're in a setting that I'm very familiar with but which is new to that other person. That's what I did with this guy who met me at the tennis courts where I had been playing tennis 4 - 5 times a week but which was totally new to him. I was also very encouraging about his tennis skills even though he hadn't played tennis in almost 2 years. But it's good to be reminded not to talk too much about oneself, always good to remember in any social situation.
Well, this has been a long posting, but hope it helps clear up some things about me & my viewpoints!