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Old 04-19-2010, 01:30 PM
 
21 posts, read 48,632 times
Reputation: 18

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Mateo45, thanks for responding to my posting. Now I'd like to respond to a some statements you made:
Quote:
Sorry there "tg", but gotta agree with "coolhand" that from what you've indicated, the place to start looking for answers is by taking a hard look at yourself, especially whenever we seem to be having the same problem, over and over and over!
That's very true. And it's what I've been doing here, have received some helpful feedback/advise. I've already come to realize there's room for improvement on my part, and that there's some ways I should to try to change my behavior when meeting men in a potential dating situation.

Quote:
The "never married", etc. in all that time is always a big red flag to me
Not everyone is interested in being married. I never was, mostly because I never wanted to have kids. Marriage is still not a priority to me but I've always wanted to be in a good longterm relationship. Was lucky to have that for almost 10 yrs from my mid-20s to mid-30s, would like to find it again. I also don't mind at all if a man in my age group has never been married, doesn't bother me at all! (I'm more a nontraditional person & prefer to meet a man who's also not so traditional/conventional.) Here's my answers when asked these questions:

Q. "How come you've NEVER been married?"
A. Just lucky, I guess! And never had to go thru a horrible divorce either, unlike so many other people in my age group, isn't that great?!

Q. "How come you've NEVER had kids?"
A. Just lucky, I guess, that I realized by an early age (12) that I never wanted to have kids! Been the absolute right decision for me!

At the same time, I've very aware that the majority of people, both male & female, view never being married at my age as a "Red Flag." All I can do is try to to find someone who's not narrow-minded about this issue, someone who can see my never-married/no kids status as a positive! I do! Hey, I've got no baggage-- no ex-husband or kids to deal with! No grandkids either! There's got to be someone out there who would be happy about this-- I feel that way when I find out a male's got no kids or ex-baggage! Yippee!

Quote:
the lack of "close friends" (your "relocation" notwithstanding.... so you don't do phones or emails?)

Quote:
I'm hearing "issues" with any woman who makes broad (sexist) statements like "I preferred getting feedback from females here instead of male feedback. For one thing, reading comprehension is important..."!
First of all, as I pointed out previously, Coolhand68 incorrectly interpreted my statements about friends-- I never stated that I don't have ANY friends Or any CLOSE friends. Instead, I stated that currently I don't have any close female friends-- from that he concluded that I had NO friends at all, which is incorrect (I have close male friends & have some female acquaintances, mostly thru tennis.) I've actually had more MALE friends than female friends the past 10 yrs and currently have two close male platonic friends (including my roommate.)

Part of the reason I was requesting/preferring a female point of view/feedback to this particular situation was because I already have lots of access to male points of view. But unlike many women out there, I just don't have that close female friend/relative right now to give me a female point of view-- it was NOT because of any "sexist" agenda!! I like men! I just already have lots of opportunities to get male feedback but lacking opportunities for feedback from females!

And about the difficulties of holding onto friendships ("your "relocation" notwithstanding.... so you don't do phones or emails?") when you move away from an area/relocate?? Not sure why you think this makes me so strange or somehow "suspicious", I'm certainly not the only one this has happened to-- how about all the postings right here on City-Data forums about this topic? I've seen this exact problem discussed over and over again on several of the city relocation boards I've looked at. It's a very common dilemma to move to a new area & lose touch w/ previous friends plus have difficulty finding new friends in that new location, all kinds of people have this dilemma, it doesn't make me so odd!

Furthermore, my statement about "reading comprehension" being important was specifically addressed to Coolhand68 because he misread my original posting & demonstrated a lack of reading comprehension when he incorrectly jumped to the conclusion that I had NO friends based on what I had written. However, I admit that I could have made it more clear that I was addressing this directly to Coolhand68-- the way I wrote it was somewhat awkward & could be misinterpreted to imply a lack of reading comprehension on the part of ALL males, NOT what I meant at all!

Quote:
am always amazed at the number of single "mature" women these days that will spend the entire first date talking about "them", and only them!
You have a good point here, it's very important to not talk only about yourself on a first date (or a first meeting for friendship or tennis.) But I really don't think that's my problem. I always try to get to know the other person by drawing them out if they're shy, asking questions, finding out about their likes/dislikes, what they enjoy, where they're from, etc. (whether this is with a male or female for friendship or with a male for a potential dating.) It's only human to be focused on oneself, especially when a little nervous in a social situation. But I honestly think I do my best to focus on the other person also. I'll even go out of my way to try to help the other person feel more comfortable if we're in a setting that I'm very familiar with but which is new to that other person. That's what I did with this guy who met me at the tennis courts where I had been playing tennis 4 - 5 times a week but which was totally new to him. I was also very encouraging about his tennis skills even though he hadn't played tennis in almost 2 years. But it's good to be reminded not to talk too much about oneself, always good to remember in any social situation.

Well, this has been a long posting, but hope it helps clear up some things about me & my viewpoints!
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,172 posts, read 20,742,717 times
Reputation: 19861
I don't have any issues with reading comprehension. What's happening here is that I touched a nerve when I suggested the problem is you, and not necessarily the men you've met. Although, it's partly for choosing the wrong type of man for you as well as something you can work on yourself. Whether I said you didn't have ANY friends or MANY friends, I think my post would have been received the same--you would have gotten defensive and angry. We're splitting hairs here--bottom line is you already acknowledged that you need to work on some things which was the jist of my post, you just didn't like the way it was presented. Like I told you in my OP, I didn't mean for it to come across as a personal attack, sorry you took it that way.
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Old 04-19-2010, 03:09 PM
 
21 posts, read 48,632 times
Reputation: 18
Written by Coolhand68:
Quote:
I don't have any issues with reading comprehension.

Coolhand68, this is what I wrote in my original posting (I added bold print to sections for emphasis):
Quote:
I'm turning to this forum for feedback, especially from other females, need a female opinion, currently don't have a good female friend to ask.
And this is what you wrote in your first response:
Quote:
Not trying to be an ass, but many of us think of ourselves in a flattering manner, but if aren't around people all that often and you don't have any friends how would you know?
So from my stating that I "currently don't have a good female friend", you concluded & stated this: "you don't have any friends" -- Simply not true, I never stated that and I have male friends, including close male friends.

You also stated that I'm not "around people all that often" but you didn't write about this as an assumption or your own jumping to a conclusion; instead, you just stated this as a fact about me! (If you can, please show me where I wrote anywhere in this thread that I'm not around people all that often.)

This is why why I pointed out problems with your reading comprehension & why I wrote:
Quote:
reading comprehension is important!
It had nothing to do with your touching a nerve and it's not "splitting hairs." It's simply setting the record straight after falsehoods have been stated as facts about me. And setting the record straight after a particular person misread or misinterpreted what I wrote in my original posting.

Last edited by tg09; 04-19-2010 at 03:24 PM..
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Old 04-19-2010, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,172 posts, read 20,742,717 times
Reputation: 19861
I wasn't stating FACTS about you, everything I posted was merely speculation, which is what we do here since most of us don't really know one another in person. You can take or leave anything someone says without taking it too personal. The fact that you just dissected my post and highlighted the parts that rubbed you the wrong way with the thoroughness of a prosecutor I'd say I did touch a nerve.

Seems you have a tendency to read into people's intentions like your tennis dates emails concerning your tennis partner that was away. You took it as a "slap in the face" when there was probably nothing shady about his intentions.
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Old 04-19-2010, 04:11 PM
 
21 posts, read 48,632 times
Reputation: 18
Quote:
I wasn't stating FACTS about you, everything I posted was merely speculation
Well, finally an admission! Coolhand, maybe next time you're speculating about someone, instead of jumping to conclusions about a person but making statements as if they're facts, you can make it clear sooner that you're just guessing about someone! Perhaps next time you could write "it seems like" or "I'm just speculating based on some things you wrote" instead of simply making statements as if they're factual about a person.

And I really appreciate your comment about me having "the thoroughness of a prosecutor"-- I consider that a great compliment! Hope I'll always be able to defend myself using that "thoroughness" whenever someone makes false statements about me without first admitting that they're only "speculating"!

Gee, hope I'm not touching a nerve here.
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Old 04-19-2010, 04:52 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,172 posts, read 20,742,717 times
Reputation: 19861
Quote:
Originally Posted by tg09 View Post
Well, finally an admission! Coolhand, maybe next time you're speculating about someone, instead of jumping to conclusions about a person but making statements as if they're facts, you can make it clear sooner that you're just guessing about someone! Perhaps next time you could write "it seems like" or "I'm just speculating based on some things you wrote" instead of simply making statements as if they're factual about a person.

And I really appreciate your comment about me having "the thoroughness of a prosecutor"-- I consider that a great compliment! Hope I'll always be able to defend myself using that "thoroughness" whenever someone makes false statements about me without first admitting that they're only "speculating"!

Gee, hope I'm not touching a nerve here.
"Feels like I'm always the practice girl"...mystery solved.
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Old 04-19-2010, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Where the sun always shines
2,170 posts, read 3,298,512 times
Reputation: 4501
To the OP, u never answered my question. DO u at all resemble those 50 year olds in the link that I sent? If you do, then maybe u just initmidate men and don't even know it.
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Old 04-19-2010, 05:45 PM
 
21 posts, read 48,632 times
Reputation: 18
I never looked at that link, not planning to.
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Old 04-19-2010, 05:48 PM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,715,235 times
Reputation: 20394
I find most men don't like women with prickly attitudes
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Old 04-19-2010, 06:09 PM
 
21 posts, read 48,632 times
Reputation: 18
Quote:
I find most men don't like women with prickly attitudes
Well, I'm planning to find a man who appreciates my "prickly" attitude!

Seriously, I'm thankful for the sincere, helpful feedback/advice I received here, has given me lots to think about. But even though I'm going to try a few behavioral changes next time I meet a guy (increase the flirting, for one thing), not planning to overhaul my personality completely.

Will hold on to my intelligence & find a man who enjoys a challenge! He'll get lots to be happy about in return!!
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