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Old 04-27-2010, 08:06 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,771 posts, read 22,880,560 times
Reputation: 17558

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what women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a bJob

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9......
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Old 04-27-2010, 08:08 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,771 posts, read 22,880,560 times
Reputation: 17558
what men would do if they had a vagina for a day
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
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Old 04-27-2010, 01:02 PM
 
Location: So Cal
14,011 posts, read 10,184,643 times
Reputation: 12432
Here's a quick one for fans of "House":


YouTube - House diagnoses Conan
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Old 04-27-2010, 01:42 PM
 
6,368 posts, read 13,407,162 times
Reputation: 5863
The Professor and The Chief

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math, and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The members of the tribe are shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gave birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "Chief, you're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence.. what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about the sheep and I won't say anything more about the baby."
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Old 04-27-2010, 01:58 PM
 
25,947 posts, read 25,968,365 times
Reputation: 26678
Time for a couple songs.

She's No Lady - Lyle Lovette
....the preacher asked her and she said, "I DO."
The preacher asked me and she said, "Yes, he does too."
The preacher said, "I now pronounce you 99-to-life,
son she's no lady she's your wife."


YouTube - Lyle Lovett: She's No Lady



Cheaper to Keep Her - Buddy Guy
....you didn't pay but two dollars to bring the girl home,
now you gotta pay 2 million to leave her alone.
See another girl out there and want to make a switch,
she ain't gonna want you because you ain't gonna have shhhhhhhhhit.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKDc-euX7ws
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Old 04-27-2010, 02:05 PM
 
Location: silver springs
791 posts, read 1,206,804 times
Reputation: 593
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
what men would do if they had a vagina for a day
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
awesome!
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Old 04-27-2010, 02:09 PM
 
Location: silver springs
791 posts, read 1,206,804 times
Reputation: 593
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gimme3steps View Post
A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He walks over to the bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry sir. You can't bring that alligator in here! It's a dangerous animal, and you're scaring all of the patrons!" Sure enough. The man looked around and noticed that everyone was standing on the tables, looking very nervous. "But wait!" he cried. "This alligator is tame. It wouldn't hurt anyone."
The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. "Ralph!" he shouts. "Sit up." With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his fist. BANG. BANG. BANG. And the alligator rears up on its tail. "Ralph, open your mouth." BANG. BANG. BANG.And the alligator opened its huge mouth wide, revealing row upon row of gleaming white teeth. The man pulls out his penis, and lays it in the alligator's mouth, as the entire bar crowd gasps. "Ralph! Close your mouth, but don't bite." BANG. BANG. BANG.As the man pummels the alligator on the head, the giant mouth slowly closes, and stops just short of biting the guy's penis off. The crowd sighs, and the man says, "Ralph, open your mouth." BANG. BANG. BANG. The alligator's mouth opens wide again.
"There," says the man to the crowd. "Now would anyone else like to try this?" A blonde in the back says, "Yeah, I'll try. But only if your promise not to hit me on the head so hard."
:cry ing:ROTFLMAO!!!!!
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Old 04-27-2010, 02:13 PM
 
6,368 posts, read 13,407,162 times
Reputation: 5863
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both! "she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!" So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out of the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!" Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you?""Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! A third runner looked down and asked "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Only when it rains." he replied
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Old 04-27-2010, 07:22 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,771 posts, read 22,880,560 times
Reputation: 17558
My mama told me .....(no..not Forsest Gump) Smokey Robinson


YouTube - Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - Shop Around
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Old 04-28-2010, 08:29 AM
 
6,368 posts, read 13,407,162 times
Reputation: 5863
A 'senior' twofer

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and, after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one says: "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?"...
His friend replies, "A carnation?"
"No, no. The other one," the man says.
His friend offers another suggestion, "The poppy?"
"Nahhhh," growls the man. "You know - the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend says, "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes! Thank you!" the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells: "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas . Bert had always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "Nope" she said.
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?" "Nope", she replied. "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!"
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. You shoulda bought a hat."
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