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Why is it that its always black women who start posts about things like this? You know, Ive been in interracial relationships my entire life starting from girlfriends in high school through college and so on. My first wife was Asian and was great. We would go spend a month in her country every year and her family would clear out the biggest bedroom in the house for me (before we were married so we couldnt share the same room). They were super great, accomodating, took great care of me and made me feel like family.
Unless you live in a BFE hole in the wall god forsaken run down southern red necky backwoods racist teabagger confederacy still lives on town full of uneducated still in the 1960s idiots, there shouldnt be an problem at all with it.
In all my interracial relationships what Ive found is that people are people and individuals. Dont let the race or religion play a major role in your relationship and you guys will just fine.
Really? Then why is it that during MY first "interracial" relationship we went to Chicago and a black man had the gall to yell out to my girlfriend, "You couldn't find a black man?" and her black friends (also men) asked, "You couldn't find a decent black man?" right in front of me? That was 1994.
My family was always very welcoming and the only fau pas was when a third cousin of mine (a little boy) didn't want to kiss her "because she's black, yech!" Her family was always very welcoming as well but she wasn't strong enough to put her friends or even strangers in their place.
I understand that it's easy for me to say this since I don't have the type of family that will dissown you for dating outside of our culture but you have to be willing to give up your family for the person you love and the OP's friend is clearly not the type of person who can do this since she cares so much about public perception.
I married my wife because she doesn't put up with any of that crap. She holds my hand everywhere we go and doesn't have eyes for anyone but me when we're out in public so she doesn't even give anyone the slightest encouragement to voice their opinions on whether she should be with me or not, unlike that first girlfriend. All she asks is that I return the same kindness and I do. Hell, I even confronted a guy in my neighborhood for staring at us before we got married and he apologized and told me he was only staring because she is so pretty. It still makes me laugh because I should still be offended that he disrespected me by oggling my wife but I was so relieved that it wasn't about us being together that I let it go.
So to answer the question, my first experience was great with the exception of the girl herself. Once I realized that it was her and I knew what type of woman to look for, there was no problem.
I am glad that the cultural thing got brought up and would suggest that those of us who are from a different culture could do better at preparing both parties like telling your significant other about your culture and what is and is not considered rude as well as telling your families how you expect them to behave. The whole speaking in a different language thing is the one I'm having the hardest time with as my parents still do it every once in a while but they stop when I answer them in English.
Why is it that its always black women who start posts about things like this? You know, Ive been in interracial relationships my entire life starting from girlfriends in high school through college and so on. My first wife was Asian and was great. We would go spend a month in her country every year and her family would clear out the biggest bedroom in the house for me (before we were married so we couldnt share the same room). They were super great, accomodating, took great care of me and made me feel like family.
Unless you live in a BFE hole in the wall god forsaken run down southern red necky backwoods racist teabagger confederacy still lives on town full of uneducated still in the 1960s idiots, there shouldnt be an problem at all with it.
In all my interracial relationships what Ive found is that people are people and individuals. Dont let the race or religion play a major role in your relationship and you guys will just fine.
Because of the unique situation that Black women find themselves in, which includes:
1) Black women being indoctrinated to think that Black men are their "natural" mates and they can't successfully have a relationship with a man of another race
2) The anti-Black woman stereotyping and negative images floating around designed to undermine their femininity and hurt their collective image as potential partners.
I was in an interracial relationship with a Chinese man for two and a half years. It wasn't a bad experience and we are still friends, but there were definitely difficulties.
Those difficulties, however, I wouldn't attribute to his race. He was an immigrant from China. He subscribed to a very different culture than I did. Being the strong headed American that I am, I was not very accommodating to some of his cultural practices within my home.
I guess what I learned from my interracial relationship was that I don't mind dating inter racially, but I will NEVER date an immigrant again. Did anyone have any similar experiences?
I understand where you are coming from, although it wasn't worded in the most PC way. I don't have a problem with interracial dating, but I would think heavily before dating someone again who is from a vastly different culture than mine, especially one that is non-Western. There are just too many irreconcilable differences.
Really? Then why is it that during MY first "interracial" relationship we went to Chicago and a black man had the gall to yell out to my girlfriend, "You couldn't find a black man?" and her black friends (also men) asked, "You couldn't find a decent black man?" right in front of me? That was 1994.
My family was always very welcoming and the only fau pas was when a third cousin of mine (a little boy) didn't want to kiss her "because she's black, yech!" Her family was always very welcoming as well but she wasn't strong enough to put her friends or even strangers in their place.
I understand that it's easy for me to say this since I don't have the type of family that will dissown you for dating outside of our culture but you have to be willing to give up your family for the person you love and the OP's friend is clearly not the type of person who can do this since she cares so much about public perception.
I married my wife because she doesn't put up with any of that crap. She holds my hand everywhere we go and doesn't have eyes for anyone but me when we're out in public so she doesn't even give anyone the slightest encouragement to voice their opinions on whether she should be with me or not, unlike that first girlfriend. All she asks is that I return the same kindness and I do. Hell, I even confronted a guy in my neighborhood for staring at us before we got married and he apologized and told me he was only staring because she is so pretty. It still makes me laugh because I should still be offended that he disrespected me by oggling my wife but I was so relieved that it wasn't about us being together that I let it go.
So to answer the question, my first experience was great with the exception of the girl herself. Once I realized that it was her and I knew what type of woman to look for, there was no problem.
I am glad that the cultural thing got brought up and would suggest that those of us who are from a different culture could do better at preparing both parties like telling your significant other about your culture and what is and is not considered rude as well as telling your families how you expect them to behave. The whole speaking in a different language thing is the one I'm having the hardest time with as my parents still do it every once in a while but they stop when I answer them in English.
FatMan, you always have the best posts of anyone here on CD. The red part I highlighed above is the most important. I totally agree with you on this. I dont care what my family will ever say about any woman I bring home. Of course you want your family to like and accept them, but if I had a family of idiots who would for any reason not like or accept a woman because of her skin color/race/religion, etc. then too bad for them. Ive alway sort of felt sorry for people who end otherwise great relationships just because of what their parents or friends say about the person.
"You have to be willing to give up your family for the person you love and the OP's friend is clearly not the type of person who can do this since she cares so much about public perception"
I didn't get the sense that she is most concerned about her public perception. OP, please clarify. The OP stated that if his family isn't accepting of her that she wouldn't pursue the relationship for fear it would not be a happy one. I can understand that. It sounds like his family may have a problem with the public perception of themselves if their son dates a black woman.
abrown, thanks for posting the below comment. I don't think people understand the specific prejudice that some people have against black women.
"The anti-Black woman stereotyping and negative images floating around designed to undermine their femininity and hurt their collective image as potential partners."
Last edited by queensgrl; 04-19-2010 at 11:27 AM..
Reason: correction
"You have to be willing to give up your family for the person you love and the OP's friend is clearly not the type of person who can do this since she cares so much about public perception"
I didn't get the sense that she is most concerned about her public perception. OP, please clarify. The OP stated that if his family isn't accepting of her that she wouldn't pursue the relationship for fear it would not be a happy one. I can understand that. It sounds like his family may have a problem with the public perception of themselves if their son dates a black woman.
abrown, thanks for posting the below comment. I don't think people understand the specific prejudice that some people have against black women.
"The anti-Black woman stereotyping and negative images floating around designed to undermine their femininity and hurt their collective image as potential partners."
Yup. And they also don't understand how DEEP most Black women's conditioning against interracial dating is, especially in regards to White men. There are some special circumstances here...
Yup. And they also don't understand how DEEP most Black women's conditioning against interracial dating is, especially in regards to White men. There are some special circumstances here...
There are.....but I am not going to even go there.
Yup. And they also don't understand how DEEP most Black women's conditioning against interracial dating is, especially in regards to White men. There are some special circumstances here...
Again, I think a lot of it has to do with their friends and family and the TYPE that they are. I would NEVER EVER date the "yo yo yo", "Ya'll fenda", "I be .....", "Ya'll going over to Nece' and nem's house?", "Its yo birfday" or "You so molded" type black women. But I will date the Halle Berry, Naomi Campbell, Stacy Dash and Leona Lewis types. The ghetto type chicks are out, but again, that isnt because of their race its because of the type of people they are.
I dated a couple of black chicks in my adult life (well, I was technically still in my teens) and they were really cool. One was actually an immigrant who was half asian who moved here from Asia when she was about 20, the other was born and raise in South Central Los Angeles, but was far far far from the ghetto type I described above.
Again, I think a lot of it has to do with their friends and family and the TYPE that they are. I would NEVER EVER date the "yo yo yo", "Ya'll fenda", "I be .....", "Ya'll going over to Nece' and nem's house?", "Its yo birfday" or "You so molded" type black women. But I will date the Halle Berry, Naomi Campbell, Stacy Dash and Leona Lewis types. The ghetto type chicks are out, but again, that isnt because of their race its because of the type of people they are.
I dated a couple of black chicks in my adult life (well, I was technically still in my teens) and they were really cool. One was actually an immigrant who was half asian who moved here from Asia when she was about 20, the other was born and raise in South Central Los Angeles, but was far far far from the ghetto type I described above.
The anti-IR relationship conditioning exists across class lines in Black women.
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I don't have a problem with interracial dating, but I would think heavily before dating someone again who is from a vastly different culture than mine, especially one that is non-Western. There are just too many irreconcilable differences.
The red part I highlighed above is the most important. I totally agree with you on this. I dont care what my family will ever say about any woman I bring home. Of course you want your family to like and accept them, but if I had a family of idiots who would for any reason not like or accept a woman because of her skin color/race/religion, etc. then too bad for them. Ive alway sort of felt sorry for people who end otherwise great relationships just because of what their parents or friends say about the person.