Prenuptial? Men Women Chime Away? (advice, spouse, divorce, couple)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why would he marry me if he's going to treat me so badly AND cheat? That makes no sense. Maybe I'm an optimist but most people marry because of love and they go into marriage with the best intention. Sometimes that's naive obviously (see my previous post).
Prenups to me are an indication that the person you are marrying has notion, albeit a small one, that he will skip out on you at some stage and wants to protect his assets.
I was just making a joke, but I can use your own argument against you:
Why would someone want to marry you if he thinks he might skip out on you?
First of all, chanceryan, what you absolutely must NOT do is tell the future Ms. Ryan that she should sign the prenuptial because it is to protect both of you. It's not true, and if the future Ms. Ryan has more than 3 gray cells rolling about her skull, you will insult her intelligence by saying it. A prenuptial agreement isn't designed to protect both spouses, unless you are both independently wealthy. In the overwhelming majority of cases, it's designed to protect one spouse from the other. (I am a lawyer, and if you came to me and asked me to draft a prenup, it would be my job -- indeed, my ethical obligation -- to come up with a document designed to screw the future Ms. Ryan to the fullest extent possible under the law.) And you need to lay this out upfront -- because you certainly don't want her lawyer to be the first one to tell her about that.
As to the rest, it's really simple. You go to a lawyer and you have him or her draft a prenuptial agreement. You also compile an exhaustive list of your assets and debts (a prenup may be invalidated in a future divorce if you did not provide a full disclosure of your assets and liabilities). Then you give these documents to the future Ms. Ryan. She will take them to her attorney. Her attorney will propose certain changes to the prenup to your attorney. Your attorney will get in touch with you and discuss those proposed changes. So you'll have a back-and-forth, as with any contract. Eventually, you'll either come to a consensus, in which case you'll get married, or you won't, in which case you won't.
No what I"m looking for is more straight forward and less to do about screwing anyone out of anything as u so nicely put it.
I have been very smart w/ my money to date and have invested wisely and will want to only protect that from any possible action in the future.
That's it not needing to protect any land houses etc, or try to make a deal on what we will or wont have during the marriage as I expect it would be 50/50 since we earned it together while married.
put it the other way around.....she wants you sign one. and you are o.k. with that?....
Yeup, what she made or accumulated before she met me in my book is hers, I should have no claim to it at any time, unless she wills it to me or dies during the marriage.
I've seen people get past these prenups in court so, imo, all you're doing is, as you predicted someone would say, damning the marriage.
I have a double-edged answer. I think prenups should be for marriages of convenience. If you're both in love, why do you need one--unless you don't trust each other. And if thats the case, what business do you have marrying each other?
On the other hand, there's only one person I'd ever consider signing a prenup for. I always thought I wouldn't do that. But I'd do it if he asked just to show him I don't want anything from him but himself.
I think your thought process is a little archaic cause all I'm trying to do is protect money I earned well before she came a long. If the shoe was on the other foot I'd sign hers in a heart beat.
Prenup IMO says nothing as to the status of the relationship. While some have become quick to use the throw it back in your face routine saying that your damning the marriage to start, or what u don't trust me etc, it's not that life happens in the event it happens and we become part of that 60+% I shouldn't have to worry about my life savings. Now anything we earned together IMO is a 50/50 split, unless otherwise stated.
Not if it is drafted with certain respects by the party doing the request. Case in point - all assets and LIABILITIES pre dating the marriage shall remain in the sole care and custody of each individual party. All assets and liabitlies acquired after the date of the nuptuals shall be divided as follows : . Then, you decide what goes in it. Unless you went to Office Max or Legal Zoom for your pre-nup it's not a standard form. It is also not unheard of for 2 pre-nups by each individual exist.
This is precisely what I am wanting. I'm not wanting the prenup to take anything away from the marriage, I want it to protect what I have earned before I come into the marriage. AS far as I"m concerned everything obtained during the marriage is or should be evenly split.
When older people contemplate marriage, or even younger folks who are lucky enough to be wealthy, I can understand the wisdom of the pre-nup. It just makes sense. And it can protect both partners, assuming both have assets to bring to the marriage.
I see it very simply. I leave with what I brought in and so does he. If we accumulated assets during the marriage, we split them. If we lost money during the marriage, we split that too. If he or I own a business before the marriage, we walk away with that same business in the end.
Some older folks also want to protect funds set aside as inheritances for adult children. I understand that too. As long as it's all set out in black and white and both parties agree, that's fine.
I know someone who went this route because he has a lot of money. He also married a woman who was the same age as his own daughters and had nothing. He did the pre-nup to protect his adult children. He spelled out all the assets that were to go to his kids and then agreed to give her assets every year, as available, until she had a similar sum of her own. It's worked out quite well and everyone understands what's theirs. Of course, he's still alive and who knows what will happen when he dies. But he did try to keep it all civil and pretty fair.
Exactly my point. I'm not wanting to draft a prenup to alter the marriage, only to protect $ I have invested. Like u said we leave w/ what we came in w/ and if we earned or accumulated more during our time together then we split it down the middle.
I find that hard to believe. If you have the business savvy to make bucketloads of money then you certainly have the smarts to figure out who is a golddigger. Surely men can judge a character.
UHHH! Then how does it happen so often? Listen I"m only trying to protect what I earned before the marriage that's all no grand scheme not trying to take from anyone.
I wouldn't sign one. If we come into the marriage with near equal assets, there's no need. If one of us is rich, the other one is, probably, going to get used to a lifestyle that they can't keep if we divorce, which means something worse than losing money happens. They stay WITH you because of the money. I can't think of much worse fates (relationship wise) than someone who only stays with me for money. I'd rather pay up in a divorce. I am assuming the marriage lasts several years.
Besides, there are ways to protect assets. Just don't make them marital property. Here, you get to take out of the marriage what you brought into it. What is earned during the marriage is maritial property and subject to being divided.
I would refrain from making anything marital property that is intended for the kids (I'm assuming dh dies here and I'm remarrying). Dh's trust would never become marital property in a new marriage. That belongs to the kids when I die.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
