My husband won't allow my 33-yr old daughter in our home (he's her stepfather)

[Pookie4]

Originally Posted by WyoNewk

I don't imagine there's anything more that you can do. Clearly you have two very stubborn, childish people in your life who think their own silly fight with each other is more important than your feelings and the relationship with your family. I'm sorry for you. I don't think you should make threats to either, as that would most likely just drive the wedge deeper.

Make sure both know how this hurts you and how you hate being "in the middle", even if it means a letter to each of them. Other than that, I don't think there's much you can do. They're both adults, both are wrong, and I'd let them both know that.

No, it's little wifey here who is playng the victim. The daughter is not the problem.

[Nite Ryder]

I commend you for choosing to stick with your husband's decision. I don't know what your daughter's emergency might have been, but when she said all the things she said in anger, she is the one who started the problem. (I'm sorry to say that to some of us she might sound like a spoiled brat) Up until that time your husband got along with her, right? He has every right to expect peace and quiet in his home after a days work. If you wanted to help your daughter why didn't you call him and tell him you were going to baby sit at the daughters house, because of an emergency? Which one of them comes first in your life? It's always best when people can get along. In this situation I think your daughter is way out of line. I suspect she is the type of person that would never apoligize for blowing up. Yet, she expects you to help her at a moments notice. I have a daughter-in-law like her. I'm sorry this happened to your family.

[sanrene]

So we’ve had this stalemate now and I hate it. On one hand, the house is half mine, too, and she IS my daughter … on the other hand, I do think my husband has a right to say when he does not particularly feel like having the boys around.

Geez, couldn't you have gone over to her house and watched the boys?

Do you need permission from your husband for everything you do?

Sounds like someone needs to ASSERT their will and grow a spine.

Are you going to let this man dictate when you can and can't see YOUR grandchildren?

It’s created a very awkward situation and of course the boys know what’s going on.

No...YOU have created the awkward situation by not standing up for your child and ALLOWING your current husband to run rough shod over your relationship with her.

He briefly acknowledged her, but that was it. When I told him that I thought that was my daughter's way of trying to patch things up, his viewpoint was that he was not going to act as though everything was okay and just forget about it.

Sounds like your new husband is an a**. What was he not going to forget about? That he rejected her call for you to help your own daughter and then she got mad about it? Sounds like the man is not at all interested in having a relationship with your blood, including your grand children and since he is not, apparently he won't "allow" you to have one either.

I don’t know what to do (as if there’s anything I even CAN do) and I don’t know who is right and who is wrong. What I DO know is that I am stuck in the middle and neither my daughter NOR my husband seem to care. Or at least that’s my perspective on the whole thing.

You created this situation by your lack of will, by "allowing" your husband to come between your daughter and grand kids. You are stuck in the middle because that is where you put yourself. Your perspective fails to take into consideration your part in this situation.

Are you really willing to fore go a relationship with your daughter AND grand children, for many years to come, just to "please" and acquiesce to this mans unreasonable demands?