Anyone here been divorced and re-married the same person? (date, girlfriend, man)

[ColorsOfMe]

Where did I say I've been married to her twice? She left me twice, yes. The first time was arguably my fault, but we were both in a tough situation with her being pregnant and not being prepared for what was to come, and her really missing her family. The second time she left me was definitely on me. But, married twice? Either I mis-wrote something, or you need to take another read.

[picklejuice]

Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe

I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage, and my wife leaving me (for the second time, this time with our son) was all that I needed in order to finally realize that I needed to re-think my priorities and straighten up my act.

Those in my life who are close to the situation can see that I've made some dramatic changes in my life. I sense that my STBX can see a difference, too. I have an uncle who is married (for the second time) to the same woman he met while in college.

There are days where I am very bitter about the way things turned out (for my wife and), yet am SO much happier with my own progress in life; and, there are days where I can't think about anything other than my wife.

I'm not so much looking for opinions on how things might go for me down the road, as I am in hearing the stories of others. Any of you guys (or gals) divorced and remarried the same person (even if there was another relationship or marriage in between)?

I have a couple of in-laws who did it. And, they are pretty much right back where they started from!

The same issues are there.

I think it was their fears that made them get back together.

They went out into the world of dating and learned that it was challenging.

Most are too lazy and impatient not to repeat the same mistake.

[SD4020]

If you pattern has changed great. However what about your STBX? is she going to do anything different? I know in my case once my divorce is finalized she will never talk to me again. She was the one wanting this, she will get her wish.

[MontanaGuy]

My aunt who passed away a couple of years ago was married five times and the fifth one was also her first husband. I truly can't understand what she saw in him. He was a mean, insensitive and extremely racist man who I never liked and the fourth husband was a really nice guy but she dumped him.

[Whyte Byrd]

I did it. We divorced after 2 years of marriage then got back together 2 years later. That lasted another 15 years with a few separations (one lasting two years) in between. We kept breaking up because of how he treated our children, not physically abusive but like they didnt exist. But I kept going back to him for the sake of our children. Talk about being confused. I was young and stupid. I finally grew up and let go and my only regret is I didn't do it sooner. Bad habits can be hard to break.

[WyoNewk]

Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe

Where did I say I've been married to her twice? She left me twice, yes. The first time was arguably my fault, but we were both in a tough situation with her being pregnant and not being prepared for what was to come, and her really missing her family. The second time she left me was definitely on me. But, married twice? Either I mis-wrote something, or you need to take another read.

Ahhhh.... No, you didn't mis-write. I wasn't sure, hence the question.

So she left you twice during your marriage but hasn't divorced you yet? Just separations?


You apparently have strong feelings for her. I wish you both the best, whatever that may be. Either way, if you're becoming a better person, that's a good thing for all.

[ColorsOfMe]

Yeah, it sure is a good thing. Today I went back to church, been almost a year since I was last in one. I went to the LifePoint one in Chicopee, MA.

My STBX did leave me twice, deservedly so, but I am the one that filed the divorce papers when she took off with our son. I had already been told through someone else that she was going to file divorce.

Divorce is probably going to happen for us, but I do think that she still has feelings for me, and I hope that she can see that I have been working to turn my life around FOR ME which as you know can only benefit everyone else. I'm not anything like I was over a year ago, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I am a believer that adversity a spot in the road marked off with caution tape, not blocked with a detour sign.

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe

I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage, and my wife leaving me (for the second time, this time with our son) was all that I needed in order to finally realize that I needed to re-think my priorities and straighten up my act.

and what tangible steps have you actually taken to "straighten up your act"?

have you been to therapy? counseling? 12-step work? relationship counseling? anger management? changing caretaking and codependent behaviors? what work have you done on yourself, and with what professionals?

if you have not done substantial work on yourself with professionals (not from books, not with friends, not advice from people on-line, not a religious conversion) then it's just more of the same drama

here is one definition of insanity, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

[miu]

Hmmm... from reading some of your recent posts, I'm worried that the main reason you miss your wife is the fact that you are so lonely right now where you are living. I feel that if you were surrounded by friends and had an active social life, you would not be missing her so much.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

For Pete's sake, you are a bi. And you should let your ex-wife live in peace, unless you want to bury your homosexual proclivities for good, which is not totally feasible