Can men and women really be platonic friends? (boyfriend, friend, romantic)

[Drover]

No.

[Shkumat]

Originally Posted by nikkir386

I met this guy back in 2008, while he was on vacation, and we really hit it off. At first I thought it was mere physical attraction, but turns out we had lots to talk about. So, we started talking regularly on the phone(Its not unusual for us to have 4-5 hour long conversations) when he returned home. Over time, we've become extremely close friends, share everything(no exaggeration) with each other, make time for one another and we've even visited each other. I truly value his friendship, because he is very supportive, gives great advice, have tons to talk about and we really care about each other. Now, the line between being platonic and romantic has seemed to have become somewhat muddled for me because, well, we have had sex and when we get together it seems romantic more than friendly. But it just feels right. So maybe we messed things up by doing that. Sometimes I think we both have feelings for each other, & are afraid to just say so, but I wonder that if he really did he would have said something to me about it by now(We've known each other two years now, so....lol.). I am starting to really fall for this guy. It's hard because I want the same friendship in a romantic partner but I just can't seem to find it in anybody else. But, he is such a wonderful friend to me that I don't want to make it awkward by saying how I feel and all that and he might not feel the same way. I definitely don't want to lose his friendship.

So has anyone ever been in love with their best friend before? What did you do?? What the hell should I do? lol. Or am I just infatuated? I would really like to not feel this way about him anymore. It's driving me crazy.....

Have sex with him again and tell him everything after it.
If it turns out badly, you can just say that it was an aftersex talk and it meant nothing.
Just do it.
It's better to regret the things you've done than those you didn't do.

[JSizzle225]

Yes, of course adult men and women can be platonic friends.

I will address the elephant in the room; you are a very phyiscially attractive lady. I don't think you should go around the rest of your life, not being able to have male friends, because of it.

As long as you can set boundaries, clearly state what you want, and not lead them on; I think you would be fine. If they aren't mature enough to respect the friendship, then I'd assume they are not somebody you'd want to be friends with, anyways.

Now....
I am confused, so I'd imagine this guy is as well.

Do you want to just be platonic friends with him? It sounds like you want a lot more. What is wrong with that? Talk with him about it. A lot of times it seems like women expect us to just be stupid, un feeling oafs. Maybe he wants what you want? Maybe you'll have to slow down. Maybe you don't have sex with him anymore until he defines the relationship. (My recommendation)

Figure out what you want, and go for it. Even if he says no, at least you'd know.

[artemis agrotera]

yes, of course men & women can be platonic friends.

I have a few male friends - strictly just that - never been intimate with them.

If you've been intimate, then it is no longer platonic. You need to decide: a) discuss that you want more or b) don't sleep with him again, if you want to just be friends.

[Urban Sasquatch]

Originally Posted by nikkir386

Thank you, Urban..this was a very informative reply. I agree that things moved in the wrong direction when sex was brought into the mix. If it were to have relationship potential, I guess it would have been better to have started with that mindset from the get go. It really sucks, but I think it's a good idea we take a break from talking to each other, because it's getting too hard for me with these feelings. I hope someday I'll meet a guy who will be my best friend AND lover...it's always one or the other for me... ::sigh::

Nikki, humans can be funny creatures. Just because 99.9 percent of the time things go one way doesn't mean things cannot possibly go another way.

I took a look at your photo; don't know what you're like in person or during conversation, be it brief or intimate, but you're really very, very pretty. Any man should feel proud to have you on his arm.

Ergo, I suggest this: Don't merely drop speaking with this guy, broach the topic with him about escalating this relationship to another level. The worst he could do is back off -- and you were ready to break away from him anyway without even trying, so what have you got to lose? If he's a friend, he'll understand the need for time away if the conversation goes badly; if not, he'll allow that break to continue interminably.

Most of our regrets in life don't come from trying and failing, they come from failing to try. We lose more to indecision than ever we do to failed attempts or wrong decisions.

However, let me tell you something else:

As I said in my other post to you the reason the sex can happen with the BFF situation is because it's casual and there are NO expectations, sexual, romantic or otherwise, outside of simple consideration for a fellow human being.

Once you add romance to the mix, things change. They shouldn't, but they nearly always do. Lots of women will tell you a big story about how their husband is their best friend and blah-blah-blah; yet when you press them you learn that they hide things he "doesn't need to know about" and have female friends they tell things they'd never tell this allegedly "best friend".

The fact is that there ARE some couples out there who are best friends, but they're a lot more rare than Hollywood or other women would lead you to believe -- so don't be surprised if romance or expectations changes things between you and this guy.

But don't FAIL to try just because you fear disappointment, either. Failure to achieve simply means you shot and you missed. Failure to try will leave you always wondering what might have been.

It's yet another reason for you to give it a shot with this guy -- because you've already been in the comfort zone, so you've at least got a foundation to work with IF things work out.

And if he doesn't work out -- look in the mirror, you're gorgeous. There really ARE lots more fish in the sea.

[samston]

I think it's a law of male/female relationships that one will be attracted to the other.

The issue is how people deal with it, when any kind of feelings arise.

IMO, it is as so:

a - one party starts to develop feelings, but they dismiss it, as not to jeopardise the friendship. The man/woman never tells the other party that s/he likes him/her.

b - one party says they like the other as more than a friend, but the other does not. they forget about it and move on.

c - one party says they like the other as more than a friend, but the other does not. the other party feels uncomfortable and the friendship ends.

d - one party says they like the other, the other says they like him/her, and both become more than friends.

I think men and women readily can be platonic friends, but the likelihood of some kind of attraction surfacing is always there. I reckon that, as said before, how the two parties deal with it is key.

[ImCurlybelle]

I'm bestfriends with a guy my age for 3 1/2 years now- We are together every other weekend, have so much in common, and everytime we're together it's just significant quality fun time !! We've never dated, and I honestly don't feel that chemistry or "romantic" connection when I'm with him, just a magnetic friendship bond- I think he's my soulmate of friends. So to answer the thread, YES ! Men & women can be just friends ... Although people of the opposite sex who like your "Friend" may feel threaten by you, it's their insecurity.

[aqua0]

Originally Posted by Ozgal

yes, of course men & women can be platonic friends.

I have a few male friends - strictly just that - never been intimate with them.

If you've been intimate, then it is no longer platonic. You need to decide: a) discuss that you want more or b) don't sleep with him again, if you want to just be friends.

I agree once you have sex with a guy, it is very difficult to be platonic. I am still friends with an ex-bf, but we are not chummy and don't hang out. We send each other emails now and then just to say hi. He probably prefers we spend more time together but last time I accepted a dinner invitation from him, it just felt a bit uncomfortable.

I just didn't want to be around that old energy between us so unless he has an emergency where he needs me, there is no point in hanging out with him.

I do have platonic male friends (never been intimate with, never will) and we are friends to this day because of it. Some of them have married and we still get together, he, his wife, and myself, to catch up.

[Thursday007]

Originally Posted by bobman

A simple cursory use of the "search" button will reveal several thousand similar threads, maybe some of them will be of help to you ?

Originally Posted by nikkir386

Unfortunately, as I've witnessed on many an internet forum, it's not unusual for certain topics to be resurrected, Bob. So what advice do you have for me?

Here are two very good and exhaustive threads that really delve into this. As the thread goes on it becomes more general to your question. They are recent threads that repeat everything in here.

Can a married man have a female friend?

"I love you but I'm not 'in love' with you"

[sun queen]

I think it is difficult to be just friends with a member of the opposite sex because under the right circumstances it is so easy to be more... I am not saying it is impossible, but I am the only close female friend my man can have and I am sure he would feel the same way.