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Actually no. I highlighted the phrase in my original post but didn't get around to addressing it.
Also there has been a bit of hyperbole in some of my post for effect. I don't literally think that girls have a must be supporting 4 kids litmus test. If you read that and took that literally then I think that reflects more on your sanity than my own.
Its just a guy would never say that to one of his buddies about a girl he just met. I meet a girl and I give her the benefit of the doubt and take it from there.
I can't tell you how many times I've been at a dinner which I paid for and things are going well and my date asks me if I've ever cheated on a girlfriend, etc. Its astonishing. Nowhere else in my life do I have to be interrogated in this manner just to buy someone a meal.
I am not a guy, so therefore what I say is different than what a man would say to you.
You are free to exaggerate as you like, but you can't expect people to interpret you in the manner you intend. It is far easier for everyone if you simply say what you mean and mean what you say.
We'll all be better off if we stop demanding that the oppostie sex thinks, walks and talks in thee same manner as are own gender.
I only quoted one line because I was addressing that fact that no one doubts that quoted statistic. Do you deny that there are teen moms and divorcees that increase the poverty statistics. Im am actually agreeing that there are more single mothers in poverty. Duh. My arguement is that does not equate to every single mother is uneducated and unemployed. And I never stated that most singles were interested in dating single parents, but that it does happen often.
Dont need numbers and statistics and I realize there are exceptions.
But yes, I would guess that the stats would improve because its obvious single teen mothers have not had the opportunity and ability to be big earners and divorced mothers are now living on little over half the income they had previously but with the same expenses and dependants.
Nobody ever said EVERY single mother is uneducated and unemployed. That's why I called your post a Straw Man argument. You put forth an argument against a statement that was never made by me or anyone else.
The statement that single childless people date people with children often is nebulous and doesn't address the original poster's question. As I illustrated if 1% of the 300 million US residents dated single parents that would be literally millions of people doing it every year. Millions could be considered often but it does not mean the majority and it doesn't address the question at hand.
There is a strong trend to people eschewing these types of relationships and the original poster queried why people continue to assume he would want to engage in that kind of activity.
My theory is they screwed up and don't want to deal with reality. People that call this reality to their attention are considered "rude" and "bashing single moms."
I've "dated" a few single mothers. Never more than 2 dates though.
Two of my best buddies married single mothers and both of them are now getting divorced. One of them had a second kid so he is much more invested. Both women pretty much ended the relationship. The one with 2 kids wanted to be able to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it a.k.a. be a ***** w/o any attachments including her kids. The other one started to get violent with him when they fought so he left her. Just found out today she started sleeping with his best friend of 20 years (only 25 years old) 2 weeks ago. They started their divorce papers 2 months ago.
In both cases, these chicks have baggage in many different aspects. Both of them were lucky to find a man who helped them out greatly only to screw them over once they accepted her child. I feel bad for the kids and for my buddies but not the women.
Myself, I could NEVER ever seriously consider a single mother. I want to start my own family not take over someone elses and merge it with the one I start. I just don't have it in me to take care of someone elses baby that isn't truly mine. I know my buddy with the 2 kids loves both of them but he says things with double meanings enough times where you know he feels differently about his own son.
So yea, both of these chicks are now single and extremely ready to mingle. One has been married twice with 1 kid and the other married once with 2 kids. Both under 23...awesome!?
I really do think that you have to seperate the idea of single parents in to two groups. Those in their 20's/early 30's, which I tend to find closer to your experiences (and part of my generation, the "ME" generation), and the mature, 35+ parents, who have growing kids and maybe had a bad marriage or something. I don't find the later group bad (too old however for me other than a MILF relationship).
It's not for everyone but their are some people who are ok with it. Me personally wouldn't do it because I wouldn't want to take his focus and intention off his child but I wouldn't be happy with being pushed to the side either. So the best thing would be for me to not enter such situation because it wouldn't be fair to him or his child for me to ask him to choose and truthfully I wouldn't want him to choose me because what would that say about him? It's a catch 22
Don-dada You said exactly what I feel on this issue. However, I would be open to the idea of dating a single mom if through no fault of her own, the father wanted nothing to do with the child and the child was well-mannered.
I understand what you are saying. Believe me I do. I don't have children and unfortunately at my age most people have at least one child. I'm cool with the one child thing - for 2 you better be walking on water bro.
You are absolutely right about the financial thing - child support payments are real. That really worries me especially in most cases the "baby momma/x-wife" gets upset that the other person moved on and tries to attack both of your incomes for child support -now that you are one -when you get married. I am also not a fan of a man not being able to treat me how I'm accustomed to be treated because child support is coming out of his check. I'm not going to be able to take myself out for sushi, steak, etc and now I have to settle for your pork and beans. NO. I try to cut that from the gate on my pre-screen, i.e. before I give you my number OR should I say if I give you my number. I'm with you on the drama of baby momma. Calling all the time, upsetting him which in turn causes him to shut down or pass the frustration onto you.
**Big concern: Are they still sleeping together? Come on now, let's keep it real. Some of that drama is because dude's are sleeping with the chick on occasion or all the time and she's feeling it's a way for them to get back together while he's only satisfying a temporary need. X-husbands that I have had interest in have told me some interesting things when I ask them the last time they slept with their X. I also hate hearing: so in so, wants to be with me but I'm not interested. Like it our not that woman has a bond with him that I will never have. They have a life and history I can never share. That sucks!
Plus- I want my own history with that person.
For all these reasons I'm not going to knock you because I truly understand where you are coming from wth your thoughts. You should be true to yourself. If that's not what you want you have a right to feel that way. I would always say: if I'm not bring these issues to the table then I shouldn't have to deal with someone else having issues. I don't have kids so I have a right to want someone who doesn't have kids either.
But Then: There is the man who has your heart and you began to open up and love his child through your love for him. You start to hug and laugh around his daughter more because she looks just like her father and she's someone you start to love as well. You are the one to tuck her in at night, have her read to you to develop her reading skills, and you are the one she loves to hang around. Maybe you even image being step-mom picking his daughter up from school.
You ask how his son is doing with his school work or band because you really do care that everything works out. You share information about how he's raising him and what might be in his best interest. You are that ear for him. When his son does well you are happy and bragging on him. You want to know how he did on his pre-sat's.
Love will make you shift your thoughts, open your heart, and take on situations you never thought you would. I respect a man who takes care of his family and is involved in his child's life because I figure down the line if we had children he would be the same way with my child.
I've "dated" a few single mothers. Never more than 2 dates though.
Two of my best buddies married single mothers and both of them are now getting divorced. One of them had a second kid so he is much more invested. Both women pretty much ended the relationship. The one with 2 kids wanted to be able to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it a.k.a. be a ***** w/o any attachments including her kids. The other one started to get violent with him when they fought so he left her. Just found out today she started sleeping with his best friend of 20 years (only 25 years old) 2 weeks ago. They started their divorce papers 2 months ago.
In both cases, these chicks have baggage in many different aspects. Both of them were lucky to find a man who helped them out greatly only to screw them over once they accepted her child. I feel bad for the kids and for my buddies but not the women.
Myself, I could NEVER ever seriously consider a single mother. I want to start my own family not take over someone elses and merge it with the one I start. I just don't have it in me to take care of someone elses baby that isn't truly mine. I know my buddy with the 2 kids loves both of them but he says things with double meanings enough times where you know he feels differently about his own son.
So yea, both of these chicks are now single and extremely ready to mingle. One has been married twice with 1 kid and the other married once with 2 kids. Both under 23...awesome!?
What I would wonder is how would single parents have time? They have to work at least full time to support their children and when they aren't working they need to be home raising their children.
To me single parents would be neglecting their main duty by leaving their children, dumping them onto someone else so they can party, and they would have to be very self-centered in order to find all that time for dating.
One of my good friends is divorced with 2 kids but she is never without a boyfriend. I am always the one without, no kids, never married....and perpetually single. So you tell me how that works with your logic, lol.
One of my good friends is divorced with 2 kids but she is never without a boyfriend. I am always the one without, no kids, never married....and perpetually single. So you tell me how that works with your logic, lol.
What I would wonder is how would single parents have time? They have to work at least full time to support their children and when they aren't working they need to be home raising their children.
To me single parents would be neglecting their main duty by leaving their children, dumping them onto someone else so they can party, and they would have to be very self-centered in order to find all that time for dating.
Single parents that share custody with the child's father, do at least have THAT time where their children are not at home. So dating is completely possible with no "dereliction of duty". For me though, I just had too many things to juggle to worry about dating. I waited. It was much easier all around. And I do think my son is all the better for me having waited.
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You said exactly what I feel on this issue. However, I would be open to the idea of dating a single mom if through no fault of her own, the father wanted nothing to do with the child and the child was well-mannered.