Not sure if it's just exhaustion talking... (marriage, women, love) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum

UKUKUK · 04-23-2010, 10:05 PM

But I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life with my girl. She's already thinking about family once we're both settled down... I really don't want to be tied down. I have bigger goals than taking care of a couple of snot-nosed kids.

She flips out any time I bring up the mere concept we want different things.

We both love one another, but she wants to crank out babies and start a family right away and I'm not ready. I may not ever be.

She's always said her dream was to have a family though.

What to do? :/

PJSinger · 04-23-2010, 10:11 PM

IMHO, it's just not going to work for the two of you. You can't expect her to chage the way she feels about having children. And she can't expect you to change either. And unless you agree on such a huge issue, how can you have a future together?

UKUKUK · 04-23-2010, 10:13 PM

To me it doesn't even seem like a huge issue but I know to her it is... I don't get it... It seems every girl wants to just have kid after kid. There are no women who want to get out there and live and see things and not put ones time and money into something you get nothing tangible from.

Drover · 04-23-2010, 10:18 PM

So she's talking family but you don't want to be tied down. This isn't just exhaustion talking, it's the the oldest, most fundamental, most irreconcilable incompatibility issue of them all. Can't tell you what to do, but IMO it's time to sit down and sort out with your GF whether there's any point to continuing the relationship.

UKUKUK · 04-23-2010, 10:20 PM

There's no chance of her outgrowing it? What if I get a vasectomy? :P

johnrex62 · 04-23-2010, 10:22 PM

This is a situation you cannot win. You are not at a point in your life where your goals are in synch with what a committed relationship is all about. The whole idea of a relationship is to explore each other with marriage and procreation in mind.

Some people don't want that, but honestly they are much in the minority. Accept that fact and be open and honest with her. It will likely destroy any chances you have to stay with her, but is it fair to her to keep her hopes up when there is no chance you will fulfill her needs?

Drover · 04-23-2010, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UKUKUK

To me it doesn't even seem like a huge issue but I know to her it is... I don't get it...

Let me try to explain then: you're fundamentally getting what you want out of the relationship and she's not. You don't want to be tied down and you're not -- you've apparently made no commitment so can leave at any time with a clean conscience. She wants to be tied down but she isn't -- she knows you can leave any time you want because there's no promise holding you back. See why that seems like a much bigger deal to her than to you?

yankeegirl313 · 04-23-2010, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UKUKUK

There's no chance of her outgrowing it? What if I get a vasectomy? :P

Seroiusly? What do you think?

UKUKUK · 04-23-2010, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drover

you've apparently made no commitment so can leave at any time with a clean conscience.

I've put years of my life into my relationship with her, and more emotion that I can begin to describe.

I really shouldn't have made this thread... The thought of leaving her kills me... Sorry for wasting your time.

Even if I have to be poor, overworked, and oversee a couple of ungrateful slobs for the rest of my life, at least I'll have her, I guess.

Drover · 04-23-2010, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UKUKUK

There's no chance of her outgrowing it? What if I get a vasectomy? :P

Uhm, you generally don't "outgrow" the most powerful instinct known to the animal kingdom and one that is necessary for the continuation of mankind as if it were some rebellious phase.

I'm starting to wonder if it isn't a miracle you've managed to hold on to her for however long you have.