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well, that's most of us who you'd want to have sex with, the "wait it out" crowd is sitting in their mother's basement right now
my girlfriend and I had sex on the first date, and now we're engaged
most of us are not from 1955, my respect for women is based on what it's their head not whether they wait until date #1 or date #6, I have a high sex drive and wanted to meet someone who also wanted a physical relationship, plus she wanted to see what she was getting - so worked out well for both of us
Attracting men 45-50 who AREN'T just out for casual sex
Onglet39,
You asked this question way back on the 25th of April, you've gotten quite a few comments and views from other people. I'm wondering if their posts have helped you in any way? I'm happily married and much older than you, but I can remember when I was about your age and the thoughts going through my head. I went through a nasty divorce when I was 41, I didn't remarry for 13 years, and I didn't really want to get married then. The lady I married worked for one of my customers, we were good friends for several years before we started dating. We started dating because she asked me why I had never asked her out, my answer to her was "I don't want to fall in love". Her laughter was what attracked me in the first place, her eyes helped hold my interest, and her chest cinched the deal, I was interested enough to be friends. I'd already had my share of getting women into bed, so I wasn't one bit interested in getting her there. In fact when I didn't show much interest in that area she began to think I just plain wasn't interested in her. She brought the subject up and we had a long chat about it. I found we could talk about almost anything and had many common interests. She's not someone I would have been interested in at first glance. I guess what I'm saying is get to know your single male friends, talk to them, tell them how you feel, tell them what you are looking for. Be outgoing and keep a smile on your face, the right person will come along. Sometimes you have to kiss alot of frogs...
Last edited by Nite Ryder; 04-27-2010 at 10:59 AM..
Reason: spelling, again.
I'm late 30s, so a little under your age group, but lifestyles probably aren't terribly different
I have a sister and brother-in-law who live 20 miles away, with a niece and nephew I see often - my desire for a long-term relationship has been very low, because I don't like commitment and I've got family nearby that fills any need for kids, etc
but met someone who knew how to commit without suffocating me and letting me still do my thing, plus had an unusual amount in common, so in part it's up to you to find someone who fits what you want, not to assume wanting to settle down is fixed in any guy's mind - if you talked to me a year ago, would have told you I'd be ready to get married around 60, now I'll be married before 40
Attracting men 45-50 who AREN'T just out for casual sex
Onglet39,
You asked this question way back on the 25th of April, you've gotten quite a few comments and views from other people. I'm wondering if their posts have helped you in any way? ...
Good post Nite. I am not sure she gets the point that at her age, status (I finally looked at her picture in the profile - I agree with her, not a very good picture) that looks might get her sex but a long term relationship is something else.
I do wish her good fortune. I will say some of the later posts by her IMO are terse and filled with anger. That is highly unattractive. When asking advice you need to take the good with the bad and thank people for giving it. It does not mean you act upon bad advice it just means to keep in mind you asked.
Ok, what about a guy who is age 59 and lives in his mother's basement and would prefer that to being with a cute, intelligent sexy woman? His idea of sex is watching porn?
Good post Nite. I am not sure she gets the point that at her age, status (I finally looked at her picture in the profile - I agree with her, not a very good picture) that looks might get her sex but a long term relationship is something else.
I do wish her good fortune. I will say some of the later posts by her IMO are terse and filled with anger. That is highly unattractive. When asking advice you need to take the good with the bad and thank people for giving it. It does not mean you act upon bad advice it just means to keep in mind you asked.
Filled with anger? You are inventing emotions which don't exist. I know it's the standard internet accusation thing, but its really quite boring to be told I am angry merely because I disagree with someone.
Attracting men 45-50 who AREN'T just out for casual sex
Onglet39,
You asked this question way back on the 25th of April, you've gotten quite a few comments and views from other people. I'm wondering if their posts have helped you in any way? I'm happily married and much older than you, but I can remember when I was about your age and the thoughts going through my head. I went through a nasty divorce when I was 41, I didn't remarry for 13 years, and I didn't really want to get married then. The lady I married worked for one of my customers, we were good friends for several years before we started dating. We started dating because she asked me why I had never asked her out, my answer to her was "I don't want to fall in love". Her laughter was what attracked me in the first place, her eyes helped hold my interest, and her chest cinched the deal, I was interested enough to be friends. I'd already had my share of getting women into bed, so I wasn't one bit interested in getting her there. In fact when I didn't show much interest in that area she began to think I just plain wasn't interested in her. She brought the subject up and we had a long chat about it. I found we could talk about almost anything and had many common interests. She's not someone I would have been interested in at first glance. I guess what I'm saying is get to know your single male friends, talk to them, tell them how you feel, tell them what you are looking for. Be outgoing and keep a smile on your face, the right person will come along. Sometimes you have to kiss alot of frogs...
Almost none of the posts really addressed my actual question, as they kept veering off into online dating.
However I did receive some useful feedback which I can integrate into my life should I decide to start actively pursuing a relationship.
In YOUR mind, is "settling down" the same thing as "getting married"? Can someone "settle down" without being married?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39
I'm not sure this question is relevant as I have never said I am searching for a husband. If I were in a relationship which developed into a marriage that's fine, but if it doesn't that's fine too. I fail to see why you are turning it into a black or white issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattB4
Good post Nite. I am not sure she gets the point that at her age, status (I finally looked at her picture in the profile - I agree with her, not a very good picture) that looks might get her sex but a long term relationship is something else.
I do wish her good fortune. I will say some of the later posts by her IMO are terse and filled with anger. That is highly unattractive. When asking advice you need to take the good with the bad and thank people for giving it. It does not mean you act upon bad advice it just means to keep in mind you asked.
Comes back to the big heart and warm smile again, doesn't it?
Onglet, this is not to attack you, so I hope you take this in the right spirit, but your posts can be really abrasive. I can't count the number of times you have taken what someone else has said and responded in a way that sounds like you presume the very worst in people.
TKramar asked you if you equated marriage with "settling down." He wanted to know if you could "settle down" without being married.
Do you not see how your response indicates aggression, defensiveness, and, not for nothing, but a distinct lack of diplomacy, on your part? "I fail to see why you are turning it into a black or white issue" just sounds snitty, never mind that it wasn't what he was doing. He was only asking for your thoughts.
Maybe you think that being blunt and snarky all the time is just the New York way--I really don't know because I don't know you and I'm not in your head. And believe me, I can be right in there zapping and zinging people, so I'm not condemning wiseassery.
But sometimes you bite people's heads off when all they're doing is expressing a thought or asking a question.
I can promise you that the kind of man you seek will cherish a little bit of softness. Not weakness, softness. If your posts are any indication of how you interact with people, I'm sorry, but I think you're going to have a really tough time meeting the kind of guy you want. Most guys that age that I know cherish their peace and stability, and will quickly tire of verbal parrying or having to say, "No, that's not what I meant" or "I only meant..."
Comes back to the big heart and warm smile again, doesn't it?
Onglet, this is not to attack you, so I hope you take this in the right spirit, but your posts can be really abrasive. I can't count the number of times you have taken what someone else has said and responded in a way that sounds like you presume the very worst in people.
TKramar asked you if you equated marriage with "settling down." He wanted to know if you could "settle down" without being married.
Do you not see how your response indicates aggression, defensiveness, and, not for nothing, but a distinct lack of diplomacy, on your part? "I fail to see why you are turning it into a black or white issue" just sounds snitty, never mind that it wasn't what he was doing. He was only asking for your thoughts.
Maybe you think that being blunt and snarky all the time is just the New York way--I really don't know because I don't know you and I'm not in your head. And believe me, I can be right in there zapping and zinging people, so I'm not condemning wiseassery.
But sometimes you bite people's heads off when all they're doing is expressing a thought or asking a question.
I can promise you that the kind of man you seek will cherish a little bit of softness. Not weakness, softness. If your posts are any indication of how you interact with people, I'm sorry, but I think you're going to have a really tough time meeting the kind of guy you want. Most guys that age that I know cherish their peace and stability, and will quickly tire of verbal parrying or having to say, "No, that's not what I meant" or "I only meant..."
I totally disagree: TK asked me a question and I answered it. My answer was straightforward, "snarky" isn't my thing.
Though you might find it fun, "zapping and zinging" anonymous people online offers me no entertainment whatsoever, which is why I don't bother.
You won't get an "I only meant..." out of me because I meant exactly what I typed and nothing more. If anyone reads more into it, so be it. If anyone requests clarification, I will extend it if I notice they have requested it of me.
The "man I seek" will not require a softer version of me. If I am too harsh for a man, then he's not someone I am seeking. And I'm certainly not seeking a man with your personal sensibility, despite you attempt to claim the entire male sex views me the way you do.
It's as simple as that. I may be straightforward for you tastes and for many others. But I really don't care about the fact you wish to read my words and ascribe a beeotchy tone to it. The tone of this post, for instance, is quite straight and devoid of emotion.
ETA: I will agree with the phrase "distinct lack of diplomacy" in regard to some of my posts. But I'll also admit, I don't care.
Filled with anger? You are inventing emotions which don't exist.
If I am in the wrong my apologies.
So I take it your replies were, "Why thank you (poster) for answering my thread. I am not sure I agree with what you say but I will consider it in looking for a LTR." Followed by a request from you to keep the advice flowing.
My mistake to not see that response
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