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Old 04-25-2010, 03:51 PM
 
1,561 posts, read 2,198,729 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
That wasn't my point. My point is, I have to work hard to earn money for ME, not for a potential mate. I don't have the time to chase guys, because I don't have that kind of free time. I need to save up for my retirement, to buy a place, etc etc... I don't have the type of life which allows me to leisurely pursue men here and there... I did the career thing, and for better or worse the work grind is a part of life and there's nothing I can do about it.
Understood.

You asked how to "Attracting men 45-50..." in your title. So I answered. Nuff said.

Good luck in your search.
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Old 04-25-2010, 03:57 PM
 
3,393 posts, read 5,255,400 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
I'm hoping to hear from men on this; I need male opinions and I don't trust female ones. No offense gals!

It's been a few weeks since I decided to really try to start dating again. Being more practical, I revised my age requirements upward, and decided to do away with all physical ones (except for too overweight).

So far, I've only attracted men who want to have sex with me right away, and if I don't do it, they are gone. I don't mind some guy hitting the road because I won't sleep with them quickly enough - I figure they are doing me a favor by not wasting my time. Either they aren't interested in a relationship, or they aren't interested in a relationship with me but still think I'm worth a shag or two.

I should also add, I don't have any personal hang ups about casual sex. It's simply not what I am currently looking for. And furthermore, I can attract a way hotter guy for casual sex than i can for a relationship... if I'm going to do the casual thing, I'm going to be shallow about it and bang someone hot. I am well aware that my days are numbered in terms of this, but for right now I can still pick.

So what I am asking is, men, how can I do a better job of screening guys so that I'm not wasting my time early on? What should I be looking for, if I go back online (as I am considering) are there certain things I should write in my profiles, and are there certain things I look look for in their profiles? Any particular red flags come to mind?

I need to tighten up my screening soon because I'm about to head into my busy season for work, which will have me on the road a lot.
I think the problem might be your area. There are probably tons of women around for the guys to choose. So they become flakey and find the slightest excuse to not pursue a relationship. My advice would be to expand your geographical horizons.

I don't think there's a one size fits all approach to finding a relationship. I do think that being upfront is good. Tell them that you are looking for a boyfriend. If that scares them away then that's a good thing. That's one step toward weeding out the flakes and married people, etc.. It's like playing tennis: serve the ball (relationship); if you get a return response, then keep playing until somebody quits. It's up to you when to have sex because sex does not equal love and love does not equal sex. Some guys will put it in anything and it matters not. So......hope that helps.
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:50 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,631,448 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MattB4 View Post
Understood.

You asked how to "Attracting men 45-50..." in your title. So I answered. Nuff said.

Good luck in your search.
I can't for the life of me understand why you would type such a defensive post in response to my need to financially put a roof over my head and food on my table. It's so odd to me, I won't even seek clarification. With all due respect, I thank you for your input.
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:53 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,631,448 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay100 View Post
I think the problem might be your area. There are probably tons of women around for the guys to choose. So they become flakey and find the slightest excuse to not pursue a relationship. My advice would be to expand your geographical horizons.

I don't think there's a one size fits all approach to finding a relationship. I do think that being upfront is good. Tell them that you are looking for a boyfriend. If that scares them away then that's a good thing. That's one step toward weeding out the flakes and married people, etc.. It's like playing tennis: serve the ball (relationship); if you get a return response, then keep playing until somebody quits. It's up to you when to have sex because sex does not equal love and love does not equal sex. Some guys will put it in anything and it matters not. So......hope that helps.
You are definitely right about my area, there's quite an imbalance here. If i can make it happen, I would be happy to move. As for the rest, I gotta try!
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Old 04-25-2010, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,364 posts, read 20,720,177 times
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Onglet, one question: if you're only 40, why are you trying to date men 5-10 years older? There are probably plenty of men your own age who would love to date you. Nothing wrong with older men of course, but at 50 I'm looking at slightly younger men to men my age. Just curious.
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Old 04-25-2010, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,064 posts, read 17,951,324 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MattB4 View Post
Interesting question. I am a 50 year old single male so perhaps have something to add. You will not find me on a dating site, it just is not my kind of thing. I am not all that interested in casual sex since I believe things always come at a price. Not to say I am against sex (will not more than 3 times a day at most) just that it is not everything anymore at my age.

So how would you make yourself more attractive to someone like me? Not easily because you would have to do something that is hard for women to do. You would have to find me and pursue me (and that is not due to my ego problems). People like me are not in bars or mall hangouts. Most likely you would only encounter us as a neighbor or at work or out shopping. Be aware that truly mature men are suspicious and wary. We may really love to have a long term relationship but the slings and arrows of time have taken their toll.

Physical attractiveness is a plus but it is also a negative if you think it entitles you to attention. A big heart, a bigger smile and genuine interest in my well being would be dangerously attractive. I better shut up now since I am giving away State Secrets.
EXCELLENT post -- that's exactly what I've been finding (as a 45-year-old woman). And it's difficult for me because I'm NOT the type to pursue a man. I don't mind calling them sometimes, of course, but I don't want to be doing most of the calling and date planning. It would make me feel as if the man isn't really interested and is just playing along.

It takes TWO to form a relationship. If there isn't give and take on both sides, then it doesn't really develop. I'm sorry, but I don't think I should be having to constantly prove myself to a man. I've dealt with my share of "slings and arrows," too, but there's a difference between being careful and being suspicious/jaded.
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Old 04-25-2010, 06:43 PM
 
6,764 posts, read 22,011,704 times
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Again, be honest. If you are doing any 'ad' dating, say upfront, "I want a relationship and I am not into casual sex." Hopefully that will scare off the guys who want quickies and to be gone.

Coolhand has good advice as well. Minimize the description of your slamming bod and focus more on your interests and hobbies.

You're in NYC? What about posting on some Long Island site? Maybe you'll get less players (probably more divorced dads) than single players who never married (NYC).
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Old 04-25-2010, 06:49 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,631,448 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Onglet, one question: if you're only 40, why are you trying to date men 5-10 years older? There are probably plenty of men your own age who would love to date you. Nothing wrong with older men of course, but at 50 I'm looking at slightly younger men to men my age. Just curious.
i would prefer to date someone my own age, but that isn't who is approaching me. People who approach me are 45-50. I figure, as long as I am attracting men of this group, how can I attract the ones who might be more relationship minded. The thread isn't intended to address men my own age, but not because i don't want to date them. It's just a different topic.
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Old 04-25-2010, 07:17 PM
 
Location: silver springs
791 posts, read 1,421,592 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
i would prefer to date someone my own age, but that isn't who is approaching me. People who approach me are 45-50. I figure, as long as I am attracting men of this group, how can I attract the ones who might be more relationship minded. The thread isn't intended to address men my own age, but not because i don't want to date them. It's just a different topic.
I think this thread has run its course...she has her answers
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Old 04-25-2010, 07:41 PM
 
4,098 posts, read 7,086,318 times
Reputation: 5682
I would follow IAMTHERE'S comments and tell the people who respond that you are interested only in a relationship that can go somewhere. If I were in the age bracket you are looking for I would be very interested in getting to know you first, but that is just me and how I have always been. When I was dating I never was pushy or forward, but I didn't turn and run if a date was on the forward side unless she was a real turn off. I feel you learn more about a person if you don't fall into lust first. While sex is fun, it clouds your thinking sometimes.
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