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Old 04-26-2010, 09:21 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
2,662 posts, read 3,818,971 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
Again, what I am asking for on this thread is how to attract them. Not what to say to them after I've made contact with them. Attraction.

I am asking what I can say or do to make myself a better candidate for those looking for a relationship.
here's a thought: Honesty.

Attractive 40 yo woman looking for comfortable long-term relationship with likeminded man who shares my interests in:

Not interested in casual flings.

Problem is, as I see it, more than a little bit of you still likes the hot casual thing and you're afraid to completely abandon it.
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Old 04-26-2010, 10:06 AM
 
10,545 posts, read 13,551,846 times
Reputation: 2823
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
So far, I've only attracted men who want to have sex with me right away, and if I don't do it, they are gone.
The first part of this statement will not help to distinguish the difference, but the second will.

I would also consider where you're meeting people. A bar is probably full of people looking for sex only (speaking in terms of percentages), so you know that going in. Online dating services attract all types, so you don't know what you're getting and you have to try to figure it out. Meeting through a friend or through participating in an activity of common interest probably lends itself more toward the realtionship end of the spectrum.
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Old 04-26-2010, 10:34 AM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,236,082 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MattB4 View Post
Understood.

You asked how to "Attracting men 45-50..." in your title. So I answered. Nuff said.

Good luck in your search.
Too bad I already repped you earlier in the thread, or I'd rep you here, too.

I'm not one for chasing men, myself, but your point about having a big heart, having a great smile (which I took to mean a sincere and ready one), and taking a genuine interest in a man and his well-being deserves mega-reps, as far as I'm concerned. Unfortunately, that kind of truth isn't always well-received.
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Old 04-26-2010, 12:47 PM
 
22,768 posts, read 30,642,821 times
Reputation: 14737
my advice on this topic is probably worth two cents, but my observation is that men in this age range are all about simplicity. older guys don't have patience for the expectations or demands of younger women, IMO.
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Old 04-26-2010, 12:49 PM
 
1,561 posts, read 2,200,549 times
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Thank you Avienne!
It should apply equally to the fellow to reciprocate.
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Old 04-26-2010, 01:14 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,644,474 times
Reputation: 10384
Quote:
Originally Posted by LNTT_Vacationer View Post
here's a thought: Honesty.

Attractive 40 yo woman looking for comfortable long-term relationship with likeminded man who shares my interests in:

Not interested in casual flings.

Problem is, as I see it, more than a little bit of you still likes the hot casual thing and you're afraid to completely abandon it.

I don't really see the problem.

I'm not afraid to abandon it at all. I am a highly sexual person who likes almost aspects of sex. As a result, I do keep someone in the rotation for this reason. My preference would be to be in a loving relationship which includes sex, because at the end of the day sex is 100 times better in a satisfactory relationship. This is what I would like.
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Old 04-26-2010, 01:15 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,644,474 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
Too bad I already repped you earlier in the thread, or I'd rep you here, too.

I'm not one for chasing men, myself, but your point about having a big heart, having a great smile (which I took to mean a sincere and ready one), and taking a genuine interest in a man and his well-being deserves mega-reps, as far as I'm concerned. Unfortunately, that kind of truth isn't always well-received.
The thread very clearly poses a question about attracting, not chasing. It's right there in the thread title for all to read. Hell it's the first word in the title!
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Old 04-26-2010, 01:17 PM
 
77,920 posts, read 60,076,765 times
Reputation: 49290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
I'm hoping to hear from men on this; I need male opinions and I don't trust female ones. No offense gals!

It's been a few weeks since I decided to really try to start dating again. Being more practical, I revised my age requirements upward, and decided to do away with all physical ones (except for too overweight).

So far, I've only attracted men who want to have sex with me right away, and if I don't do it, they are gone. I don't mind some guy hitting the road because I won't sleep with them quickly enough - I figure they are doing me a favor by not wasting my time. Either they aren't interested in a relationship, or they aren't interested in a relationship with me but still think I'm worth a shag or two.

I should also add, I don't have any personal hang ups about casual sex. It's simply not what I am currently looking for. And furthermore, I can attract a way hotter guy for casual sex than i can for a relationship... if I'm going to do the casual thing, I'm going to be shallow about it and bang someone hot. I am well aware that my days are numbered in terms of this, but for right now I can still pick.

So what I am asking is, men, how can I do a better job of screening guys so that I'm not wasting my time early on? What should I be looking for, if I go back online (as I am considering) are there certain things I should write in my profiles, and are there certain things I look look for in their profiles? Any particular red flags come to mind?

I need to tighten up my screening soon because I'm about to head into my busy season for work, which will have me on the road a lot.
Ok, we are the same age and I've been back into the dating pool for about 18months so here goes:

1. Don't revise your age range so much. I'd still look 37-47 or so if I were you. You've given ground on some other factors so I wouldn't neccessarily give up on one that is quite reasonable. (My last 3 serious relationships were 7,3 and 2 years older than me) My age range was 34-45ish roughly +/- 5 years.

2. Track record. Ask the guy about dating history etc. and see if he had a long term gf or was divorced etc. If you hear that he's been single for 5-6 years without hearing about a LT relationship then that might be a tip. (Not to mention that you should be experienced enough to have some player radar by now )

3. Specifically note that you are looking for a relationship but be playfull. There is a nice way of sending the message that you want a relationship but have a healthy enjoyment of sex. (At least has worked on me ) See what type of responses you get...the ones that take time to write something personalized and with some effort would seem to be interested while the ones just out for sex are going to blast\spam a lot of gals with generic or blunt notes.

4. Read profiles and contact guys. See which ones have a decent story and contact them.

Best of luck.
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Old 04-26-2010, 01:21 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,644,474 times
Reputation: 10384
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rggr View Post
The first part of this statement will not help to distinguish the difference, but the second will.

I would also consider where you're meeting people. A bar is probably full of people looking for sex only (speaking in terms of percentages), so you know that going in. Online dating services attract all types, so you don't know what you're getting and you have to try to figure it out. Meeting through a friend or through participating in an activity of common interest probably lends itself more toward the realtionship end of the spectrum.
I don't go to bars anymore, haven't in 10 years. I will eat at the bar of a nice restaurant, but I'm done with going out someplace just to sit there and drink. Too boring. (You might find me at a hotel bar when I'm out of town, but I know fully well that its mostly road skanks apporaching me there. I don't count them!) Eating at the bar of a restaurant is currently the #1 way I am approached.

Online, I'm not so sure its the right thing for me. I tried it, suspended accounts a year ago. As I mentioned, I toyed with the idea of going back to it, but I'm not so sure I will.

I think I'll end up with agreeing with you regarding friends & common activities. I'm starting to slowly put the word out among people I know -- and I hope to better dedicate myself to group activities I enjoy.
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Old 04-26-2010, 01:23 PM
 
77,920 posts, read 60,076,765 times
Reputation: 49290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
I don't really see the problem.

I'm not afraid to abandon it at all. I am a highly sexual person who likes almost aspects of sex. As a result, I do keep someone in the rotation for this reason. My preference would be to be in a loving relationship which includes sex, because at the end of the day sex is 100 times better in a satisfactory relationship. This is what I would like.
100% agreement.

Additionally, in a trusting relationship you don't have to worry about protection\STD's etc.

P.S. We should discuss the Attracting\Chasing thing further. I think there is some middle ground there. Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but you are using on-line dating right? I think that CONTACTING guys when shopping in our age group is not a bad idea at all because let's face it, there is competition out there. Imagine some 24 yo guy who likes some girl with a lot of good characteristics but wants to wait for her to make the first move? Yeah, she is going to go out with some other guy that asks her out first.
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