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Old 04-27-2010, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,079 posts, read 8,263,394 times
Reputation: 3599
Quote:
Originally Posted by djlayssa View Post
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. We were in a long distance relationship for the first 2 years. After that, i moved from NY to VA to be with him. I dropped everything for him. My friends, family, school.. everything.
Anyway, after i moved here, i found out alot of stuff I didnt know, stuff he lied about to me, for over 2 yrs, to my face. Even after i confronted him, he still lied. & lied. Until i had to sit down with him for hours and pull it out of him. (im sure hes still lying bout stuff to this day btw).
So i found out that most of his female friends, he has slept with & some had relationships with. But the sex is the main thing.
Now im in the position where it reallyyy bothers me that he's still friends with them, talks to them, flirts with them... etc. It wouldnt be such a big deal if he hadnt slept with them.
I know it was before me though and it shouldnt matter, but he LIED bout it.
So every time they talk and especially see eachother, i think "wow, hes seen her naked, shes seen him naked, they had sex, and they could both be thinking about those days when they were intimate."
Its not a low-self-esteem thing either, its just that it simply bothers me alot knowing esp the fact that the girls have seen him and been with him.
I cant stress it enough!
I know its kind of selfish of me to think that way but it REALLY bothers me.
Im not sure what to do or how to change my way of thinking.

Any advice? Please, somebody!
First mistake. Never, ever drop your friends and family and life as you know it for someone else. If they love you, they love and accept ALL of you. You should never be made to feel like you had to give up something to make a relationship work.

Secondly, after dating long distance for two years, even though it's two years, it's still not a normal relationship meaning you don't get an opportunity to be around the person often enough to really "know" them.

And lastly, yes my dear. It IS a low self esteem issue in yourself that you can't let go of these images and thoughts you have in your head about him sleeping with other women. He did it, it's in the past. If it bothers you that much you should talk about it to your b/f, explain your issues, your feelings and be honest. Tell him how you feel he wasn't compltely honest with you and that it does hurt your feelings.

If he's been doing this while you two have been dating, that's another issue. Then he's been unfaithful and that's a problem. If he's done this before you two were together then there isn't much to discuss. You can't have any control over what happened before you're with someone. If he's being faithful and just has female friends, again before you came along; you can't expect a person to change their entire life because you feel uncomfortable.

Just my honest opinion and not meant to hurt your feelings.
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Old 04-27-2010, 07:59 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
6,886 posts, read 5,761,809 times
Reputation: 6817
Quote:
Originally Posted by djlayssa View Post
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. We were in a long distance relationship for the first 2 years. After that, i moved from NY to VA to be with him. I dropped everything for him. My friends, family, school.. everything.
Anyway, after i moved here, i found out alot of stuff I didnt know, stuff he lied about to me, for over 2 yrs, to my face. Even after i confronted him, he still lied. & lied. Until i had to sit down with him for hours and pull it out of him. (im sure hes still lying bout stuff to this day btw).
So i found out that most of his female friends, he has slept with & some had relationships with. But the sex is the main thing.
Now im in the position where it reallyyy bothers me that he's still friends with them, talks to them, flirts with them... etc. It wouldnt be such a big deal if he hadnt slept with them.
I know it was before me though and it shouldnt matter, but he LIED bout it.
So every time they talk and especially see eachother, i think "wow, hes seen her naked, shes seen him naked, they had sex, and they could both be thinking about those days when they were intimate."
Its not a low-self-esteem thing either, its just that it simply bothers me alot knowing esp the fact that the girls have seen him and been with him.
I cant stress it enough!
I know its kind of selfish of me to think that way but it REALLY bothers me.
Im not sure what to do or how to change my way of thinking.

Any advice? Please, somebody!

Threesome!
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