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The OP sounds like a whiner. People judge you on looks in the offline world too. And just because women rate a man poorly on his looks doesn't necessarily mean she won't date him. In real life, we see all kinds of not-so-attractive guys who have wives and girlfriends. This post just sounds like yet another guy complaining about how online dating doesn't work quite as well as he'd want.
i like online dating.
Its much easier to go to a niche dating social network to find women who have similar interests as me.
And when going to the few public venues which reflect my interests I usually only see couples and not single women.
Horse poopy. My inbox was always full with a photo that concealed my face. It was my ad that pulled them in.
Someone else already said it, you have to stand out from the rest. Good spelling, grammar and articulation goes a long way. The duds will still slither in, but you'll have plenty more good to choose from.
It may just be whose definition of average attractiveness we are speaking of.
I skimmed the provided link and it seemed that women had a more femanding opinion of attractiveness when looking at the men.
Ex: the man may feel he is a 6 and the woman sees him as a 3.
a typo? or is it a portmanteau - feminine and demanding?
I think you are on-target. My last two relationships were with men that had no profile pics at all. Scientifically my @ss.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
The OP sounds like a whiner. People judge you on looks in the offline world too. And just because women rate a man poorly on his looks doesn't necessarily mean she won't date him. In real life, we see all kinds of not-so-attractive guys who have wives and girlfriends. This post just sounds like yet another guy complaining about how online dating doesn't work quite as well as he'd want.
The point is that it just makes dating harder for women, especially since it takes them longer to determine if they like the guy they're dating.
Thanks for calling me a whiner. Name calling is really helpful.
My point was that I believe that average looking guys have a much easier time meeting women in real life vs. online.
Sorry, but if you search the forums, you'll see that there are lots and lots of threads all making the same basic point, that average guys have no chance at online dating because there's so much emphasis on looks. The bottom line is that this is how the offline world works as well. If my friend tries to introduce me to someone he knows, the first thing I'll ask is "what's she like?" I assume that, among other things, he'll tell me what she looks like. If he doesn't have a picture, he'll probably try to be as descriptive as he can. A lot of people will do exactly what you described in your original post, which is assign a score and if the score isn't good enough, the person being set up will decline to meet that other person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201
The point is that it just makes dating harder for women, especially since it takes them longer to determine if they like the guy they're dating.
That was the point.
I don't see how it necessarily makes it harder. If someone is picky when it comes to looks, they'll probably be just as picky offline as they are online. Whenever you meet someone, what's the first thing you notice about them? Their looks. They could have the best personality in the world and you could have everything in common with them. But if you're the type who would immediately pass someone by because of they look without bothering to learn a little more about them, then it's safe to say you would do that on and offline. But if you're not that kind of person and instead are somewhat open-minded, you might see a picture online, tell yourself that he or she's not as attractive as you had hoped, but the rest of their profile interests you, then you at least you haven't eliminated them just yet. Likewise, if you met that person offline, you might say the same thing. He/she isn't that great looking, but I'd like to learn a little more about them before I rule them out. The flaw in the OP's logic is that he assumes all women who judge based on looks will immediately dismiss anyone who isn't great looking. This is why I called the OP a whiner, because it sounds like the same insecurity we hear from a lot of guys on these boards. They know they're not the best looking guys and rather than wait to be rejected, they just assume it'll happen. Confidence is supposed to be an attractive quality in a man. But if you go in already expecting to be rejected, then why even bother? For every average looking guy who convinces himself he has no chance to land a pretty girl, there's some other guy who's average or even below average who has enough self-confidence to put himself out there and say "I don't care if women think I'm not good looking. I'm going to get out there and see what happens."
Sorry, but if you search the forums, you'll see that there are lots and lots of threads all making the same basic point, that average guys have no chance at online dating because there's so much emphasis on looks. The bottom line is that this is how the offline world works as well. If my friend tries to introduce me to someone he knows, the first thing I'll ask is "what's she like?" I assume that, among other things, he'll tell me what she looks like. If he doesn't have a picture, he'll probably try to be as descriptive as he can. A lot of people will do exactly what you described in your original post, which is assign a score and if the score isn't good enough, the person being set up will decline to meet that other person.
I don't see how it necessarily makes it harder. If someone is picky when it comes to looks, they'll probably be just as picky offline as they are online. Whenever you meet someone, what's the first thing you notice about them? Their looks. They could have the best personality in the world and you could have everything in common with them. But if you're the type who would immediately pass someone by because of they look without bothering to learn a little more about them, then it's safe to say you would do that on and offline. But if you're not that kind of person and instead are somewhat open-minded, you might see a picture online, tell yourself that he or she's not as attractive as you had hoped, but the rest of their profile interests you, then you at least you haven't eliminated them just yet. Likewise, if you met that person offline, you might say the same thing. He/she isn't that great looking, but I'd like to learn a little more about them before I rule them out. The flaw in the OP's logic is that he assumes all women who judge based on looks will immediately dismiss anyone who isn't great looking. This is why I called the OP a whiner, because it sounds like the same insecurity we hear from a lot of guys on these boards. They know they're not the best looking guys and rather than wait to be rejected, they just assume it'll happen. Confidence is supposed to be an attractive quality in a man. But if you go in already expecting to be rejected, then why even bother? For every average looking guy who convinces himself he has no chance to land a pretty girl, there's some other guy who's average or even below average who has enough self-confidence to put himself out there and say "I don't care if women think I'm not good looking. I'm going to get out there and see what happens."
Who is insecure? I am plenty confident in myself. I'm not even complaining or whining here. You are assuming that I am complaining because I'm not successful at online dating. While I'd certainly like to be more successful (who wouldn't want to be), my point is that I find the way that women judge men online makes no sense to me. I am stating that I find it weird that women, according to this research, rate 80% of the men as below average looks wise. While men rate women they see online on a bell curve (50% are worse, 50% better than average), women think most guys (80%) are uglier than average. If I went to a nightclub, and I knew for a fact that 80% of the women in that club think I'm ugly, I probably wouldn't go there. If it were 50%, I'd probably go. I think its interesting.
And yes, I think average looking guys have a much harder time dating online. Many other people on here share that opinion. I am recently divorced and this is all new to me. And I'm adding my observations on here.
Sorry, but if you search the forums, you'll see that there are lots and lots of threads all making the same basic point, that average guys have no chance at online dating because there's so much emphasis on looks. The bottom line is that this is how the offline world works as well. If my friend tries to introduce me to someone he knows, the first thing I'll ask is "what's she like?" I assume that, among other things, he'll tell me what she looks like. If he doesn't have a picture, he'll probably try to be as descriptive as he can. A lot of people will do exactly what you described in your original post, which is assign a score and if the score isn't good enough, the person being set up will decline to meet that other person.
I don't see how it necessarily makes it harder. If someone is picky when it comes to looks, they'll probably be just as picky offline as they are online. Whenever you meet someone, what's the first thing you notice about them? Their looks. They could have the best personality in the world and you could have everything in common with them. But if you're the type who would immediately pass someone by because of they look without bothering to learn a little more about them, then it's safe to say you would do that on and offline. But if you're not that kind of person and instead are somewhat open-minded, you might see a picture online, tell yourself that he or she's not as attractive as you had hoped, but the rest of their profile interests you, then you at least you haven't eliminated them just yet. Likewise, if you met that person offline, you might say the same thing. He/she isn't that great looking, but I'd like to learn a little more about them before I rule them out. The flaw in the OP's logic is that he assumes all women who judge based on looks will immediately dismiss anyone who isn't great looking. This is why I called the OP a whiner, because it sounds like the same insecurity we hear from a lot of guys on these boards. They know they're not the best looking guys and rather than wait to be rejected, they just assume it'll happen. Confidence is supposed to be an attractive quality in a man. But if you go in already expecting to be rejected, then why even bother? For every average looking guy who convinces himself he has no chance to land a pretty girl, there's some other guy who's average or even below average who has enough self-confidence to put himself out there and say "I don't care if women think I'm not good looking. I'm going to get out there and see what happens."
And yes, I think average looking guys have a much harder time dating online. Many other people on here share that opinion. I am recently divorced and this is all new to me. And I'm adding my observations on here.
1) Join a gym. This is an area of attractiveness within your control.
2) Get a GOOD photo taken of yourself do not post any photo that isn't good.
Once I got back in shape and cleaned up my profile (and picture) my on-line dating went from getting few responses and contacts to getting about 30% of the women that I contacted writing me back and getting women writing me that were of much higher quality.
So, (true story) I went from getting emails from a still married obese gal with 3 kids living in a trailer park to dating a professional gal that used to do modeling on the side.
P.S. There are tons of people with odd preferences, checklists, baggage etc. out there so you have to keep at it and if it's wearing you down then just take a break.
I agree with the OP to a certain extent. The one thing that no one here has really touched on is that pictures don't always tell the whole story. Some people are actually more attractive in "real life" than they are in pictures. And I'm talking physically attractive, not the "it's what's inside that counts" stuff. When you're meeting in person, you get the whole picture. Posture. Confidence. How a person walks/talks/carries himself or herself. Some of this stuff just doesn't come through in pictures.
Now that I've done some online dating, it's funny when I'm perusing on Facebook or something, and I go back and analyze pictures of women that I already know personally that I find VERY attractive in "real life." But when I look at the pics and ask myself, "would I approach this person in an online setting, based on these pics?" Sometimes the honest answer is no! It's crazy. I think the picture-based nature of the whole thing leads a lot of people in the wrong direction. There is just no replacement for the in-person chemistry and attractiveness test.
All of that being said... I have done OK with online dating for a few reasons, even though I would consider myself average-looking. I spell things correctly. I try to write witty and unique emails. I only write to women that, judging from the written profile, are very intelligent. If she can't put a sentence together, she's not going to appreciate the effort that I put into my email. I'm thankful for the fact that I took a ton of English classes in college and have a pretty good knack for writing, because it goes a LONG way in the online dating world.
Who is insecure? I am plenty confident in myself. I'm not even complaining or whining here. You are assuming that I am complaining because I'm not successful at online dating. While I'd certainly like to be more successful (who wouldn't want to be), my point is that I find the way that women judge men online makes no sense to me. I am stating that I find it weird that women, according to this research, rate 80% of the men as below average looks wise. While men rate women they see online on a bell curve (50% are worse, 50% better than average), women think most guys (80%) are uglier than average. If I went to a nightclub, and I knew for a fact that 80% of the women in that club think I'm ugly, I probably wouldn't go there. If it were 50%, I'd probably go. I think its interesting.
And yes, I think average looking guys have a much harder time dating online. Many other people on here share that opinion. I am recently divorced and this is all new to me. And I'm adding my observations on here.
What's weird about women rating 80% of the men online as being below average in looks? It actually makes perfect sense to me. Online dating sites tend to attract a disproportionate number of unattractive people. That's not to say that dating sites are only full of ugly people. They're not. But because online dating is treated as something of a last resort, it tends to draw fewer of the really attractive people. The people who are really good looking will have an easier time finding someone offline so they're less likely to go online. The result is that men who are really attractive will be underrepresented. Because of that, if you were to survey women about the men online, they'll think greater than 50% are below average in looks because their idea of average is based on what they see in the general population. That's why that 80% figure isn't surprising. The real issue here is whether people who go online have realistic expectations. You can't be a woman and go online expecting to meet someone who looks like Brad Pitt.
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