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What's weird about women rating 80% of the men online as being below average in looks? It actually makes perfect sense to me. Online dating sites tend to attract a disproportionate number of unattractive people. That's not to say that dating sites are only full of ugly people. They're not. But because online dating is treated as something of a last resort, it tends to draw fewer of the really attractive people. The people who are really good looking will have an easier time finding someone offline so they're less likely to go online. The result is that men who are really attractive will be underrepresented. Because of that, if you were to survey women about the men online, they'll think greater than 50% are below average in looks because their idea of average is based on what they see in the general population. That's why that 80% figure isn't surprising. The real issue here is whether people who go online have realistic expectations. You can't be a woman and go online expecting to meet someone who looks like Brad Pitt.
Fair enough. You make a good point, and I guess I didn't see it that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy
1) Join a gym. This is an area of attractiveness within your control.
2) Get a GOOD photo taken of yourself do not post any photo that isn't good.
Once I got back in shape and cleaned up my profile (and picture) my on-line dating went from getting few responses and contacts to getting about 30% of the women that I contacted writing me back and getting women writing me that were of much higher quality.
So, (true story) I went from getting emails from a still married obese gal with 3 kids living in a trailer park to dating a professional gal that used to do modeling on the side.
P.S. There are tons of people with odd preferences, checklists, baggage etc. out there so you have to keep at it and if it's wearing you down then just take a break.
I go to the gym, I have for years, even when I was married. I'm in good shape, I have all of my hair, and most of my female friends who know me would rate me at a 7 or an 8. I'd say 6 or 7 personally, I'm sure their just being nice. My drawbacks in online dating is that I'm only 34, so I'm looking for women from 26-32, and I'm divorced. Most, not all, but most women from 26-32 are looking for never married. Strike one for me. I'm also only 5'5". Strike two. I'm also not that photogenic. I look better in person, so strike three.
Please understand, I'm not at all complaining about this; they are the facts of life and I'm totally comfortable with who I am. I'm just being honest. I'm a big believer in working with what you've got. For me, I haven't been that successful online. I haven't given up, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by michigan83
I agree with the OP to a certain extent. The one thing that no one here has really touched on is that pictures don't always tell the whole story. Some people are actually more attractive in "real life" than they are in pictures. And I'm talking physically attractive, not the "it's what's inside that counts" stuff. When you're meeting in person, you get the whole picture. Posture. Confidence. How a person walks/talks/carries himself or herself. Some of this stuff just doesn't come through in pictures.
Now that I've done some online dating, it's funny when I'm perusing on Facebook or something, and I go back and analyze pictures of women that I already know personally that I find VERY attractive in "real life." But when I look at the pics and ask myself, "would I approach this person in an online setting, based on these pics?" Sometimes the honest answer is no! It's crazy. I think the picture-based nature of the whole thing leads a lot of people in the wrong direction. There is just no replacement for the in-person chemistry and attractiveness test.
All of that being said... I have done OK with online dating for a few reasons, even though I would consider myself average-looking. I spell things correctly. I try to write witty and unique emails. I only write to women that, judging from the written profile, are very intelligent. If she can't put a sentence together, she's not going to appreciate the effort that I put into my email. I'm thankful for the fact that I took a ton of English classes in college and have a pretty good knack for writing, because it goes a LONG way in the online dating world.
I agree. I think the picture based nature of it can lead some people in the wrong direction. Some people are not that photogenic. I don't believe that I am. I am more successful, far more, in face to face meeting. I also realize that face to face is harder to meet people than online. Online, you have a database on thousands of single women. At a bar, coffeehouse, church, club, wherever, you might have a handful of single women, and you can't tell which ones are or not.
I've also looked at Facebook and some of the most attractive women in real life don't look that great in FB pictures. Some women I would date in a heartbeat look downright nasty in photos!
I go to the gym, I have for years, even when I was married. I'm in good shape, I have all of my hair, and most of my female friends who know me would rate me at a 7 or an 8. I'd say 6 or 7 personally, I'm sure their just being nice. My drawbacks in online dating is that I'm only 34, so I'm looking for women from 26-32, and I'm divorced. Most, not all, but most women from 26-32 are looking for never married. Strike one for me. I'm also only 5'5". Strike two. I'm also not that photogenic. I look better in person, so strike three.
I think strike two should have been strike one, and strike one is not that much of a big deal (assuming you have no ties to the ex), so overall you have two strikes. Just my opinion.
1) Join a gym. This is an area of attractiveness within your control.
2) Get a GOOD photo taken of yourself do not post any photo that isn't good.
Once I got back in shape and cleaned up my profile (and picture) my on-line dating went from getting few responses and contacts to getting about 30% of the women that I contacted writing me back and getting women writing me that were of much higher quality.
So, (true story) I went from getting emails from a still married obese gal with 3 kids living in a trailer park to dating a professional gal that used to do modeling on the side.
P.S. There are tons of people with odd preferences, checklists, baggage etc. out there so you have to keep at it and if it's wearing you down then just take a break.
I think this is a handicap to me as well. I get a small % of responses, and I'm sure my pictures aren't the best. I've been told they are "ok"
Where do I go to get "good photos" taken. I'm my middle-late 20's and it would be really out of the norm to post a professional photo on my dating profile. What can I do? I'm a guy that likes to have fun but I don't take a lot of pictures.
I think strike two should have been strike one, and strike one is not that much of a big deal (assuming you have no ties to the ex), so overall you have two strikes. Just my opinion.
Thanks, I think I know my height is a factor, but it really has never been an overriding issue for me. I think it would be if I was scrawny (I'm not). I have a build like Sylvester Stallone, and I'm about his height, I think he is 5'6". The ex is out of my life completely, we had no kids or baggage.
However, I think being divorced is a big factor for women aged 26-32, especially if they are reasonably attractive. After 35, it becomes much less of an issue. My friend, who is 5'7", bald, and chubbier than me, gets about 100 profile views per month online. He has never been married. I get about 50. Again, I'm not complaining. It is what it is.
So, (true story) I went from getting emails from a still married obese gal with 3 kids living in a trailer park to dating a professional gal that used to do modeling on the side.
I never post a photo on line. Still, I've had good results on line.
Yes, of course ... people judge others based on their looks ... that's not new nor unique to the net. The photos used for online dating via forward or posted must be chosen with care. Try to be sure they are "good" pics. and the subject is dressed nicely, hair tidy, etc. Still not everyone will be turned on by every picture. I have found that most people look better in person than the photos they post on line. -not in all cases but most.
The emails sent are important, too. Mass emails with text that makes it all to clear s/he hasn't read the profile is a total waste of time. Take some time to compose a message - it should relate to the profile and end with a question to keep the conversation going.
No one said dating is easy. It's not! Like anything, it's work.
If you aren't getting good results - change your profile - update photos and consider the messages your are sending out. Most importantly, be positive.
Best wishes
However, I think being divorced is a big factor for women aged 26-32, especially if they are reasonably attractive. After 35, it becomes much less of an issue. My friend, who is 5'7", bald, and chubbier than me, gets about 100 profile views per month online. He has never been married. I get about 50. Again, I'm not complaining. It is what it is.
I think you're right on this point. If you're under a certain age and you have a divorce on the resume, people will wonder why. If I were on a dating site and was searching for women 30 or under, I probably wouldn't think to check the 'divorced' box. Divorce by itself isn't something I judge people for, unless you've been divorced 3 or more times. But if you've already been divorced before turning 30, that would make me a little weary. My first question would be "when did this person get married and why did their marriage end so soon?" But at age 34, I think you'll be OK. It's rather common to hear about men getting divorced after the age of 30.
I have a build like Sylvester Stallone, and I'm about his height
Face wise, that is who I look like. I have been pretty unlucky with the online dating lately, thinking my photos are blame now that I'm reading this thread. I consider myself a good looking dude, probably an 8 or 8.5 but just like in real life, you are going to get turned down more often than not. Online dating has a massive amount of fat chicks too. These fat chicks are probably the most picky as well. Most of these fat chicks are single mothers as well so they want someone who can take care of them. I only use online dating for dating. If you want something serious, I would do something else.
My drawbacks in online dating is that I'm only 34, so I'm looking for women from 26-32, and I'm divorced. Most, not all, but most women from 26-32 are looking for never married. Strike one for me. I'm also only 5'5". Strike two. I'm also not that photogenic. I look better in person, so strike three.
Why are you limiting yourself to gals 2-8 years younger than you? And then complaining that they want someone never married?
What's wrong with dating gals +/- a few years of you?
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I know my height is a factor, but it really has never been an overriding issue for me. I think it would be if I was scrawny (I'm not). I have a build like Sylvester Stallone, and I'm about his height, I think he is 5'6". The ex is out of my life completely, we had no kids or baggage.
