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Old 05-04-2010, 09:12 PM
 
Location: in my imagination
10,115 posts, read 12,985,696 times
Reputation: 7080
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
I'm confused as to what you are asking.

Are you wondering if a woman will put up with you coming home and ignoring her for 3-4 hours so that you can play guitar?
Yes and no. I mention my personal decision. In the end I make up mu own mind. I am more asking if any of you lead lives that makes you and your special other apart often? Could you deal with that? Would you get jealous?
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:18 PM
 
10,447 posts, read 7,136,841 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
Yes and no. I mention my personal decision. In the end I make up mu own mind. I am more asking if any of you lead lives that makes you and your special other apart often? Could you deal with that? Would you get jealous?
For me, it would not be a jealousy thing. It would be a "you have to decide" thing. I don't have time for a guy who would put me in that position.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:22 PM
 
17,820 posts, read 16,886,972 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
Yes, your kid if you have one is more important than you or the special other. It is why I remained "childfree" and shy away from a woman with kids. Isn't it why we often read replies to a person thinking about getting a divorce "think of the kids". Isn't it why so many who want a divorce don't because of the kids? Some do go ahead and split, a good many don't.

People may have been divorced 5 times, maybe with kids, they refer to the divorced as "ex", they don't refer to the kids as "ex". So seems to me, yes, kids are more important than the special other in the grand scheme.
I'm gonna agree with you there. My son absolutely is on the highest rung of priorities for me. He was when I was married, and he still is. And my BF, (who happens to be child-free by choice) knows this and is completely at ease with it. Once he's off to college, then the scales will shift a bit, I expect.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:25 PM
 
17,820 posts, read 16,886,972 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
Yes and no. I mention my personal decision. In the end I make up mu own mind. I am more asking if any of you lead lives that makes you and your special other apart often? Could you deal with that? Would you get jealous?
My BF lives an hour away from me. We are apart plenty. Jealous? No...no time to worry about that sort of thing.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:32 PM
 
Location: in my imagination
10,115 posts, read 12,985,696 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Well there's your issue. Unless you find a person that makes you feel that way, then you will simply need to settle for a relationship that is less, and that usually means, short term.

Loving someone so much that you want to spend as much time as you can with them, doesn't mean you give up yourself. I love my BF, but I surely couldn't be happy unless I had my "me time" and was able to get the things done that I need to do in order to feel content with myself.

You set your priorities based on what is most important to you. Right now, I'd say yours are just fine for what makes you happy.

I want to give quality time to a woman, but time is limited. Work all day, sometimes so tired I don't even want to play let alone go out or whatever. The time I give a woman I try to make quality time, in fact when I do it is like a huge flow of it because I need to let it out. But it is only sometimes.

I need a woman who comes home from work, who not only is happy to see me but is wanting to finish that painting she is painting, work on the the play she will be performing, continue on the vase she is crafting.....something that she has a passion for besides me.

Because that is what is on my mind when I come, "I must get that solo down". I must get better at melodic soloing "I must learn that song" "I must work on knowing theory better" "I must start learning slide"

And then there "crap look at that guy on youtube, he blows me away on guitar, I must get better".

If that was my work, it might be easier, but I chose a employment path that secures me a better standard than the hit and miss of trying to be a full time muso. I know a few musicians who play all day, that is their income. And most of them are scrap month to month except a select few. That isn't my choice anymore. If the day was 34 hours long, with the work day still 9 hours maybe then there would be more time to have it all, but it isn't. At least that is my choice.
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Old 05-04-2010, 09:48 PM
 
17,820 posts, read 16,886,972 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
I want to give quality time to a woman, but time is limited. Work all day, sometimes so tired I don't even want to play let alone go out or whatever. The time I give a woman I try to make quality time, in fact when I do it is like a huge flow of it because I need to let it out. But it is only sometimes.

I need a woman who comes home from work, who not only is happy to see me but is wanting to finish that painting she is painting, work on the the play she will be performing, continue on the vase she is crafting.....something that she has a passion for besides me.

Because that is what is on my mind when I come, "I must get that solo down". I must get better at melodic soloing "I must learn that song" "I must work on knowing theory better" "I must start learning slide"

And then there "crap look at that guy on youtube, he blows me away on guitar, I must get better".

If that was my work, it might be easier, but I chose a employment path that secures me a better standard than the hit and miss of trying to be a full time muso. I know a few musicians who play all day, that is their income. And most of them are scrap month to month except a select few. That isn't my choice anymore. If the day was 34 hours long, with the work day still 9 hours maybe then there would be more time to have it all, but it isn't. At least that is my choice.
Exactly. But as I said, without someone that has that pull, that lure, to make you want to sacrifice a bit more time, even if you can't always, then you'll continue on the way you are. One of the things I simply have to have in a man, is a passion for his hobbies or work, some activity other than me. And I have that as well. Our hobbies keep us sane, they make us what we are, they are extensions of ourselves...but they aren't replacements for a relationship. We try and enjoy what we can, together. I agree it's a tough balance sometimes, but I've been successful so far, and I was starting to wonder if I ever would be able to manage it.

Last edited by ChessieMom; 05-04-2010 at 10:11 PM..
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Old 05-04-2010, 10:06 PM
 
Location: in my imagination
10,115 posts, read 12,985,696 times
Reputation: 7080
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Exactly. But as I said, without someone that has that pull, that lure, to make you want to sacrifice a bit more time, .

Well that there is a reason I'm posting tonight venting thoughts and frustration. Because the girl I have known lately has pull and allure, like something out of my dreams. You all know my body preferences by past posts of mine, well she is all that. Wicked naughty girl....oh lawd.

But.....she is moody, and demanding, demanding of my time. Last week I got a ear full for not calling enough,or wanting to see her enough, tonight again, which tonight I think it was the real end from the feeling I got on the phone. Despite I being upfront of my deal at the start it must have gone through one ear and out her other because she keeps thinking we are going to be some item together. And we are not. She isn't moving in, she is not going to have my complete attention every night when I come home.

So it looks like I lost a incredible booty call although I wasn't interested in just sex, and the selfish part of me is frustrated by that. I was planning on getting us tickets to a up coming concert but...guess I'll go alone. However it led me to wonder why oh so many women do not have a hobby, something that makes them want to be alone besides a battery operated hobby that is.

And to be fair, there are guys like that to, come home and the hobby is drink a six pack in front of the TV. And then there is the internet which can lead us all astray.

Anyway cheers, I'm going to bed now..
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Old 05-04-2010, 11:15 PM
 
8,247 posts, read 4,569,084 times
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I could deal with it. I've been married and have raised young kids and I don't need that sort of all-family-all-the-time scene anymore. It was fun but once was enough. I enjoy my independence and if I ever get into a signifcant long-term-relationship again I don't think I even want to live in the same house with him!

[At minimum I will not share a bathroom...]
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Old 05-04-2010, 11:19 PM
 
Location: southern california
49,306 posts, read 45,862,394 times
Reputation: 40395
men with hobbies are good men and will never drive you nuts. if you are a gal that wants a man to orbit around you, make dead certain you are a bonafide goddess first. otherwise you could find yourself plunging off the pedestal you so long to stand on.
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Old 05-04-2010, 11:46 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
1,524 posts, read 1,331,083 times
Reputation: 2034
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
I want to give quality time to a woman, but time is limited. Work all day, sometimes so tired I don't even want to play let alone go out or whatever. The time I give a woman I try to make quality time, in fact when I do it is like a huge flow of it because I need to let it out. But it is only sometimes.

I need a woman who comes home from work, who not only is happy to see me but is wanting to finish that painting she is painting, work on the the play she will be performing, continue on the vase she is crafting.....something that she has a passion for besides me.

Because that is what is on my mind when I come, "I must get that solo down". I must get better at melodic soloing "I must learn that song" "I must work on knowing theory better" "I must start learning slide"

And then there "crap look at that guy on youtube, he blows me away on guitar, I must get better".

If that was my work, it might be easier, but I chose a employment path that secures me a better standard than the hit and miss of trying to be a full time muso. I know a few musicians who play all day, that is their income. And most of them are scrap month to month except a select few. That isn't my choice anymore. If the day was 34 hours long, with the work day still 9 hours maybe then there would be more time to have it all, but it isn't. At least that is my choice.
I think that's part of the reason for the confusion. If you are working toward a career it makes sense to sacrifice being in a relationship but since you're not, it looks like busywork you can hide behind. It's a dodge that lets you off the hook from being emotionally available while holding the girl in a futureless self serving situation. You wouldn't settle for that. Why should she? She doesn't need a hobby. She needs a relationship. She needs some balance and honesty from you not doubletalk. You aren't isolated because you have to be even though you frame your argument in those terms. You're isolated because you want to be. Since that is your choice why not go to professional girls and let the others alone. I'm sure the pros can make you feel you are the only one for a few hours. BTW I'm not snarking. I think for some dudes, that's a good comprimise.
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