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Lionking, if you want to keep her, then you will have to negotiate on how much time you will dedicate to her. Perhaps on Mon, Wed, and Thursdays, you can work on your music, while Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday are for her. Saturdays would be spent with friends and any other way you choose. All you need is a compromise. If you want to enjoy sex with that woman ,then you are going to have to sacrifice something in order to get what you want.
I guess I must be one of the lucky ones. I have an SO who not only encouraged but insisted I pick up the guitar again when she knew a) that I played at all, and b) that it was so much a part of who I am even after I hadn't let myself play in seven years.
And she put her money where her heart and her mouth is---quite literally: thanks to her, I'm now the proud owner and player of a spanking looking and sounding Gibson Les Paul! She also came out to hear me jam the blues at a club in town last week and last night.
Now, of course, she knows that I'm not about to give her up for a guitar. (Don't even think about it---sleeping with my guitar is not an option!) And I am not about to put her on the back burner with my guitar up front. Of course, she knew she was numbers one through five on my priority list going in, and there's never been anything to suggest otherwise. But what she did for me, giving me back my music, is a gift I could never repay. Though I'll be honoured to spend the rest of my life trying.
No. I am with you in a relationship because I like spending my free time with you. If you are always running off doing other things, then screw it. That doesn't mean people can't have their own interests, but hopefully you can find someone with similar interests so that most of your time outside of work can be spent together.
Yes and no. I mention my personal decision. In the end I make up mu own mind. I am more asking if any of you lead lives that makes you and your special other apart often? Could you deal with that? Would you get jealous?
My dh and I spend a good amount of time apart. He's in school to start, so that sucks up time. I tend to get fixated with my hobbies a bit and they'll consume me for a while, but I'm not rigid with my time because life never seems to be that ordered for me. For example, I'll take my camera with me and go with the dh to walk the dog or I'll take it with me when we go camping, to the garden center, etc. I'm doing my thing, but we're still spending time together. A demand for 3-4 hours of alone time every night seems to be a bit much. Stuff comes up and I'm not going to brush my dh off because I'm doing my thing. Say he doesn't do well on an exam and is upset. I'm there for him. He'll go all day without eating due to his studies, which is a bad thing, and I'll have to cook for him.
With that said, it doesn't sound like you're really interested in a relationship, which is fine. Relationships take significant investment and time. It's good that you know yourself and that you let your partners know up front how little you are willing to invest, but it's kind of odd to expect any one not to seek intamacy elsewhere when you're clearly not interested yourself. It sounds like a polyamorous relationship would be right up your alley.
eta: if you like this girl, have you considered by her a guitar? Maybe it's something you can do together a couple of days a week.
Well that there is a reason I'm posting tonight venting thoughts and frustration. Because the girl I have known lately has pull and allure, like something out of my dreams. You all know my body preferences by past posts of mine, well she is all that. Wicked naughty girl....oh lawd.
But.....she is moody, and demanding, demanding of my time. Last week I got a ear full for not calling enough,or wanting to see her enough, tonight again, which tonight I think it was the real end from the feeling I got on the phone. Despite I being upfront of my deal at the start it must have gone through one ear and out her other because she keeps thinking we are going to be some item together. And we are not. She isn't moving in, she is not going to have my complete attention every night when I come home.
So it looks like I lost a incredible booty call although I wasn't interested in just sex, and the selfish part of me is frustrated by that. I was planning on getting us tickets to a up coming concert but...guess I'll go alone. However it led me to wonder why oh so many women do not have a hobby, something that makes them want to be alone besides a battery operated hobby that is.
And to be fair, there are guys like that to, come home and the hobby is drink a six pack in front of the TV. And then there is the internet which can lead us all astray.
Anyway cheers, I'm going to bed now..
I honestly see both sides of this. It has always seemed to me that for some women, the relationship is their hobby. How much time you spend with them is a measure of your feelings for them. These women really do need to find a hobby. They don't realize it, but their idea of a relationship is actually co-dependence.
On the other hand, my ex was constantly finding different hobbies that would suddenly become the most important thing in his life. I know with you Lion King, it has always been the guitar. With this guy, it would change every six months, but every new thing always became drastically important and demanded hours of his time every day. Eventually I grew a brain and realized "He's just not that into you!"
In your case, I think you are just not that into her. Yeah, maybe on a sexual level, but not enough to want to spend a lot of time with her. The right girl for you will be one that actually tempts you away from the guitar. I'm not saying a girl that will take you away from the guitar, but one that makes it difficult to leave her and go practice. That's the girl for you, and you haven't found her yet. Maybe you never will, and that's okay too.
Well, my BF works a 9 to 5 job and I work in theater, which is mostly evenings and weekends, so if I have a show, we don't see a lot of each other. On top of that, his job requires him to visit clients out of state at least once month, so we don't always spend as much time together as we'd like.
Theater makes me happy (and brings in a sizable chunk of my income), so my boyfriend doesn't mind that I spend a lot of my time doing it. I make a point to spend time with him every day when I'm doing a show, even if it means waking up early to eat breakfast with him, and he appreciates it. He also enjoys having some time to himself when I have a show (we have a tiny 600sqf apt, so alone time is a must). There are ways to pursue your own interests without completely neglecting the other person. If you find the balance, both parties are usually fine.
LK, sounds like you found a woman intent on labeling the relationship right away. Often this can become the "selfish" phase where one puts everything else aside in order to spend any free time developing the relationship. You weren't havin' that and in turn, she gets angry or jealous of your outside interests that don't include her.
It doesn't sound like this one was in the cards for ya. Keep tryin' and hopefully you will find a woman who can offer you balance between your relationship and your other passions.
Would it help if you found a girl who plays guitar also, perhaps you can practice together?
I do think it is important to have your own time and space to indulge in your hobbies or just to wind down at the end of the day. Knowing this about yourself is important before pursuing a relationship and it sounds as though you've done well in that regard by not compomising your priorities for the sake of a relationship. However, a relationship will eventually move forward the longer you stay together. That's just the natural course of things. Doesn't mean you have to monopolize one another's time, but you also have to make time for your S.O., it can't always be on your terms. It's going to be hard to find someone who is cool with that.
So apparently I'm illiterate and was the only one who didn't get it.
No, I would not put up with that. I am very (very) no nonsense when it comes to the time spent in a relationship. If you want to be with me then you are with me. It's more than an agreement to be together, it's a commitment. Aside from work, if you are spending more time doing something else than you are spending time with me - deal breaker.
I think you should be true to yourself, your life and your guitar. If the guitar brings you more enjoyment than this woman does, then so be it!
And I have to confess, I once dated a man who absolutely loved his guitar more than me and it broke my heart.
Definitely, live your life and love your guitar. This girl isn't "the one" for you, I'm thinking.
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