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Old 05-05-2010, 09:45 AM
 
1,752 posts, read 3,733,870 times
Reputation: 2089

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Hello. We are both 24 years old. We met as coworkers at the airport. He still works there and I don't. We go to the same college (he grauduates in a few days and I have a year left), and ended up in the same classes. His life is surrounded by airplanes. Eat, breathe, bleed airplanes. I have a moderate interest in them, but I get sick of talking about them allllll the time. Whenever we meet up he talks about his current job as a flight instructor and his students (many of them who I dont know) and what they are doing. Honestly, I don't care. I don't care that you and Joe flew here, did an ILS approach onto 33 and then did touch and goes until the visablilty got below mins. He seems to know everyone at the airport and assumes I do too. "You know Mike Smith with XXYY Airplane parked at XX Hanger, right" Me: "No" Him: "Oh, well anyway...blah blah blah".

I often get emails from him asking to do dinner. I'll usually do dinner with him because he offers to pay. I make sure to tell him that I have no money and he by all means doesn't have to treat me to dinner. He always says he knows and he'll take care of it.. but at the end of dinner my head is usually spinning and I have a headache because all he talks about his airplanes.

I know he thinks of me a lot. He'll often invite me to go along to places with his family. He doesn't seem to get that I want to stay home and I have a life. I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend, family and pets. Yes, maybe one trip somewhere would be ok, but it seems whenever he gets invited somewhere, he extends that inventation to me as well.

Or "So and So invited me to go to xx city with him for yy airplane event, maybe you can go too?!?!?!" For a while I was getting a daily email to see how I was doing today and God forbid I don't respond asap--with in hours of him writing that email I get a phone call out of concern that I didn't respond to the email. I bet if I didn't pick up my phone and 24 hours goes by, I'd see emergency services at my door. I want a break from him and getting sick of all his calls. Luckily, he has stopped inviting me to spend the night there. I just find it creepy, I guess.

I know i am his only friend and he enjoys his time with me, but its not really mutal. I've tried to change the subject but his life is 100% planes. We might talk about the material covered in class but that quickly changes to what happened to him at work. Girls? No...no interest in them because they take away from time spent with airplanes, of curse. A beer at the bar? No, he doesn't drink, plus he couldn't fly the next morning if he drank (he told the waitress that but was dumbfounded as to why she showed no interest at him having to fly planes...what was he expecting? OMG you fly airplanes?? So Cool!!"
I am hoping the fact that I'll be working Full Time and him being out of college will allow more of a break, but we'll have to wait and see.

I don't want to break his heart, how do I go about trying to lessen the time spent with this guy?
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Old 05-05-2010, 09:52 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,536,124 times
Reputation: 42762
Be busy whenever he invites you to do something, which shouldn't be difficult to do because you have a girlfriend, family and pets. Decline his invitations politely, saying, "I'm so sorry, I can't." Do NOT say, "Maybe some other time."

And for Pete's sake, stop using this poor guy for free food.
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Old 05-05-2010, 09:54 AM
 
5,143 posts, read 5,378,291 times
Reputation: 2865
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Be busy whenever he invites you to do something, which shouldn't be difficult to do because you have a girlfriend, family and pets. Decline his invitations politely, saying, "I'm so sorry, I can't." Do NOT say, "Maybe some other time."

And for Pete's sake, stop using this poor guy for free food.
I don't see how she's using him. She is stating that she can't pay, and he is saying, "no problem." Well, then, airplane guy...then it should be no problem. If you want to exchange food money for make outs...go see if a prostitute will let you do that. Pet peeve.

Maybe just tell him that you are sorry, but you just don't have the same fascinations with airplanes, he has.
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Old 05-05-2010, 09:57 AM
 
1,752 posts, read 3,733,870 times
Reputation: 2089
Thanks, PS I am a guy. Yeah, I don't feel I am using him, I make it crystal clear that I have NO Money to contribute to dinner, and I am fine without it, but he says "thats ok, I'll get it". I make sure he has the CHOICE and never force him.
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Old 05-05-2010, 09:59 AM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,081,659 times
Reputation: 27234
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225 View Post
I don't see how she's using him. She is stating that she can't pay, and he is saying, "no problem." Well, then, airplane guy...then it should be no problem. If you want to exchange food money for make outs...go see if a prostitute will let you do that. Pet peeve.

Maybe just tell him that you are sorry, but you just don't have the same fascinations with airplanes, he has.
If I'm not mistaken OP is a HE and stated he has a girlfriend.
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Old 05-05-2010, 09:59 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,536,124 times
Reputation: 42762
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225 View Post
I don't see how she's using him. She is stating that she can't pay, and he is saying, "no problem." Well, then, airplane guy...then it should be no problem. If you want to exchange food money for make outs...go see if a prostitute will let you do that. Pet peeve.

Maybe just tell him that you are sorry, but you just don't have the same fascinations with airplanes, he has.
The OP has a girlfriend, so I'm assuming the OP is a guy, not a lesbian (no offense to lesbians).

Friends reciprocate. Letting someone pay for you all the time makes you a mooch. Once or twice is one thing, but this sounds frequent. If you can't reciprocate, don't go.
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Old 05-05-2010, 10:02 AM
 
4,253 posts, read 9,418,041 times
Reputation: 5140
Sounds like a high functioning Autistic or Asperger adult. They would be highly interested in a very narrow topic (mostly technology), be oblivious that other people may not completely share or even be interested in the subject, be somewhat inept at social/conversational cues ( time to end the conversation, picking up on leaving people alone, etc).

Being highly hands-on people, you need to spell them what you expect from them, without hoping that they would pick up on cues themselves. You have to say, "I have a family (girlfriend) and I want and need to spend time with them. I would appreciate if we set up a certain schedule set aside for our meetings." Or, "I am not as interested in airplanes anymore, in fact I am much more interested in XXX and YYY".

They won't be offended, (maybe a bit), but rather grateful that things are spelled out and they are not dealing with mysterious vagueness anymore. They feel highly uncomfortable with shades of grey and vagueness.
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Old 05-05-2010, 10:03 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
44,245 posts, read 19,902,941 times
Reputation: 114946
Just say no.
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Old 05-05-2010, 10:06 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,536,124 times
Reputation: 42762
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
Sounds like a high functioning Autistic or Asperger adult. They would be highly interested in a very narrow topic (mostly technology), be oblivious that other people may not completely share or even be interested in the subject, be somewhat inept at social/conversational cues ( time to end the conversation, picking up on leaving people alone, etc).
Good point about Aspergers!
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Old 05-05-2010, 10:09 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,665 posts, read 69,418,810 times
Reputation: 26726
Quote:
Originally Posted by leadingedge04 View Post
Thanks, PS I am a guy. Yeah, I don't feel I am using him, I make it crystal clear that I have NO Money to contribute to dinner, and I am fine without it, but he says "thats ok, I'll get it". I make sure he has the CHOICE and never force him.
But you said earlier, "I'll usually do dinner with him because he offers to pay" so how does that equate with your not using him, particularly when you added that, "my head is usually spinning and I have a headache because all he talks about his airplanes."

Obviously you don't enjoy his company so just simply say no to his invitations and don't respond so quickly to his overtures, whether he sends in the emergency services or not. You don't want to "break his heart"? That's an odd term to use from one man talking about another.

If you consider yourself to be his friend (which you really don't seem to be) then come out straight and nicely tell him that his total preoccupation with airplanes is a turn-off and very self-limiting. He probably has few friends because of it and you could do him a favor by pointing it out to him.
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