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Old 05-09-2010, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,110,314 times
Reputation: 3589
Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969 View Post
I've MADE lemonade for the past year and 3 months...and the stand is running out of lemons.
I want to know why people think I am being the selfish one here, when I think my husband is the one who is being selfish. He doesn't seem to care what I think or what's best for our kids...he is worrying about his OWN ASS and keeping it out of jail. Pure and simple.
Obviously if my son is getting into trouble and my special needs kids aren't getting the services they need, we should go someplace else. I would think people would be on MY side here and say move back to NJ.
What are people saying here...that I should put my husband's needs ahead of my kids'??
I only asked what someone else would do in my situation...not for a verbal bashing! If you can't be nice about it, move on to a different thread.
Apparently you missed my two threads in which I specifically said exactly that:

Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
I would take my children and move back to NJ. Your husband needs to grow up and handle his responsibilities. As for the son who doesn't want to leave his gf, they can talk on the phone and visit when he goes to visit his father. He needs to move back more than your special needs kids if he's getting into trouble.

It sounds like the only benefit of where you live is that your husband won't go to jail for not handling his business.

Warning: since your husband already has severe child support issues, I hope that if you move you won't need support from him to survive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
What I don't understand is why you would think twice about staying in a place where your oldest child is constantly in trouble and two of your younger children can't receive the services they need?

As for hubby, he made his bed, he can lay in it. He should have dealt with his ex better.
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Old 05-09-2010, 11:37 AM
 
303 posts, read 581,440 times
Reputation: 442
Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969 View Post
... My husband has not been able to find work since we moved here. My teenage son has been getting into trouble in school and with the law. I have two special-needs children and services for them are close to nil here. I am lonesome and miss my family and friends back in NJ. I have no support system here at all. ...I was more financially secure and was able to pay my bills.
Jers, these all sound like legitimate reasons to move back home.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969 View Post
My husband doesn't want to go back because he has legal problems in NJ (child support, fines) and he will most definitely be locked up if he returns. My teen son doesn't want to return because he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend behind. I can't seem to make them understand that life for me would be so much easier if we moved back home. They're just thinking of themselves.
You're the mother and an adult. My guess is the family does not function without you. You need to make the best informed decision for your children, yourself and your marriage.

In your current situation:
- Your special needs children are without services and your eldest son is in trouble with school and the law.
- Your husband is unemployed.
- You are lonely and financially strapped.

From what little you've said it sounds as if your current environment isn't working for anyone in the family.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969 View Post
What should I do, pack up and leave them here? Why should I stay somewhere I don't want to be?
Whether your husband chooses to remain in SC or accept responsibility for his other child is out of your control.
What you can control is where you raise your family. You have 4 children that need a responsible parent. Do not abandon your eldest son in SC, only to fall into more delinquent behavior. Be the leader your family deserves. If you need a support system to continue to be a good mom, by all means, move back to NJ.
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Old 05-13-2010, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Metuchen NJ
31 posts, read 55,906 times
Reputation: 14
The best thing you can do for your kids is set an example: Be strong, be independent, and take care of yourself. You have to make yourself happy (or at least less miserable than you sound now) otherwise you are no good to any of them. Your boy is 16, this will not be the last girl he falls in love with. He will understand one day- and I would guess that he doesn't want his mom and siblings to leave without him. The others are small enough that they can bounce back now, find new friends, etc. I think with their special needs it is better to make these changes before they become TOO adjusted in SC and don't want to leave.

In any case... best of luck.
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Old 07-10-2010, 03:59 PM
 
2 posts, read 2,576 times
Reputation: 10
So, leave the husband and son there and go back alone with the little ones. Problem solved.
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Old 07-10-2010, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Ohio
751 posts, read 841,084 times
Reputation: 592
Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969 View Post
I'm having a problem and I'd like some viewpoints on the subject. A year ago, my husband, me, and our 4 kids packed up everything and moved from NJ to SC. We thought we would be better off, but we're not. My husband has not been able to find work since we moved here. My teenage son has been getting into trouble in school and with the law. I have two special-needs children and services for them are close to nil here. I am lonesome and miss my family and friends back in NJ. I have no support system here at all. My life was much easier when I lived in NJ. I was more financially secure and was able to pay my bills. I get no help with my utility bills here-there are no programs here to help low-income people pay bills like there are in NJ.
My husband doesn't want to go back because he has legal problems in NJ (child support, fines) and he will most definitely be locked up if he returns. My teen son doesn't want to return because he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend behind.
I can't seem to make them understand that life for me would be so much easier if we moved back home. They're just thinking of themselves. What should I do, pack up and leave them here? Why should I stay somewhere I don't want to be?
I was in a simliar situation as you back in 2002 when my late husband got it in his head to move to Southern Cal and live on a ranch with his younger sister and mother.Our two sons were 20 and 18.My late husband had just been laid off cause the steel business was shut down cause the owners owed back taxes.He was able to draw unemployment benefits for a few months.I didn't want to really move in with family cause I had prior experience dealing with his mother and sister.I had no support system when we moved to Southern Cal.His sister made my life a living h*** for the 3 and 1/2 months that we resided on the ranch.When we finally moved into our own place nothing seemed to change.His sister would still cause prblems.Later on she admitted that she was jealous of me.I finally had enough where I couldn't take anymore of her childish behavior so one day I decided to sell whatever I could and leave and move back to my home state of Michigan.Then in the meantime I ended up meeting my b/f online and moved to Ohio instead.Since my two sons were adults and were able to take care of themselves I left them and their father back in Southern Cal. Like I said I sold whatever I could sell and got out while the getting was good.

Sometimes you have to do whatever it is you need to do for the good of those children of yours.I truly do wish you all the luck and wish you well in whatever decision you come up with.
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Old 07-10-2010, 08:22 PM
 
3,846 posts, read 2,753,860 times
Reputation: 5112
Default Want to move back home but my husband wants to stay here

Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969 View Post
I'm having a problem and I'd like some viewpoints on the subject. A year ago, my husband, me, and our 4 kids packed up everything and moved from NJ to SC. We thought we would be better off, but we're not. My husband has not been able to find work since we moved here. My teenage son has been getting into trouble in school and with the law. I have two special-needs children and services for them are close to nil here. I am lonesome and miss my family and friends back in NJ. I have no support system here at all. My life was much easier when I lived in NJ. I was more financially secure and was able to pay my bills. I get no help with my utility bills here-there are no programs here to help low-income people pay bills like there are in NJ.
My husband doesn't want to go back because he has legal problems in NJ (child support, fines) and he will most definitely be locked up if he returns. My teen son doesn't want to return because he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend behind.
I can't seem to make them understand that life for me would be so much easier if we moved back home. They're just thinking of themselves. What should I do, pack up and leave them here? Why should I stay somewhere I don't want to be?
They are not the only one's thinkin' of themselves...
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Old 07-10-2010, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Ohio
751 posts, read 841,084 times
Reputation: 592
Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969 View Post
I'm having a problem and I'd like some viewpoints on the subject. A year ago, my husband, me, and our 4 kids packed up everything and moved from NJ to SC. We thought we would be better off, but we're not. My husband has not been able to find work since we moved here. My teenage son has been getting into trouble in school and with the law. I have two special-needs children and services for them are close to nil here. I am lonesome and miss my family and friends back in NJ. I have no support system here at all. My life was much easier when I lived in NJ. I was more financially secure and was able to pay my bills. I get no help with my utility bills here-there are no programs here to help low-income people pay bills like there are in NJ.
My husband doesn't want to go back because he has legal problems in NJ (child support, fines) and he will most definitely be locked up if he returns. My teen son doesn't want to return because he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend behind.
I can't seem to make them understand that life for me would be so much easier if we moved back home. They're just thinking of themselves. What should I do, pack up and leave them here? Why should I stay somewhere I don't want to be?

I don't think I'd want to continue being with a man who ran away from his responsilities such as paying child support, fines etc.Makes him look like a deadbeat dad in my eyes.Like I said before I wish you luck.
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Old 02-07-2012, 08:12 AM
 
1 posts, read 926 times
Reputation: 10
So I am in the same situtation more or less. I am curious as to what you decided to do? I moved here to PA after I left the Army, but all my family is in TX and like you I have no support here. I am pregnant and have five children, and his family refuses to lift a finger to help me unless he ask for the help. And he doesnt like asking for help.
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Old 06-06-2012, 12:43 AM
 
Location: Matthews, NC
16 posts, read 12,595 times
Reputation: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by notimportant View Post
So I am in the same situtation more or less. I am curious as to what you decided to do? I moved here to PA after I left the Army, but all my family is in TX and like you I have no support here. I am pregnant and have five children, and his family refuses to lift a finger to help me unless he ask for the help. And he doesnt like asking for help.
I was wondering what happened, too.
The fact of the matter was that SHE married a deadbeat and SHE had kids with him. SHE listened to HER friend and moved the family there - expecting to receive welfare right out of the gate. She didn't do one thing right. Her immaturity left me wanting to see an active link just to tell her how lame she was. There is no way this ended well.

She should have done her research on the husband at least! And why would she leave welfare in a wealthier state for one that has a median income of less than a Honda Civic? I guess beggars really can be choosers. She's the example everyone cites when they talk about welfare lifers. What an example to her kids!
We just left PA last year. I hated it for 14 years while my husband worked there. Hated it. It sucked! You get the point. I went to TX and wasn't thrilled at all but that because my background is MA liberal and we were apalled at the blatant racism towards blacks and Mexicans. Home is where you feel comfortable. We are in NC now, in Charlotte, which is practically a new city. It has everything! It was important to me that the kids went to great schools, low crime, excellent neighborhood (nicer than anything I saw in PA!) and things like Shakespeare in the park, art festivals, high end food options. This is what it good for me at this point. The decision was made carefully, after touring 14 states and considering leaving the country. We all have to do what is best but this chick didn't do one thing right. She could not get the fact that people were pointing out her flaws! Why she said she was self-sufficient but wanted welfare, why her deadbeat unemployed husband had any say and why on earth her 16yo had an opinion at all.
She is not grown up enough to make big girl decisions and her failures will just be tax payer burdens. With no job, living in NJ means section 8 housing. And yet Columbia is 15 miles away??? Jeez...what a dope. Laze dope.
Your situation sounds hard. Why did you pick PA? Just curious. It seems like 5 kids and a new state would bee challenging. I getbthatnyou want your husband's family to help but why should they? They're your kids. We aren't guaranteed babysitters just because we think that is the norm.
I hope you found a place for you and your kids to be happy. a great community is way better than a lazy family. Trust me...I know.Good luck!
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Old 05-29-2013, 02:12 PM
 
1 posts, read 375 times
Reputation: 10
Im going thru the same issue. My husband wanted to move beck to Cali to be with his family so we packed and moved along with our 4 year old daughter. I Hate it here!!Plus my 11 year old daughter didn't want to come so she stayed with her dad and I miss her soooooooo bad I cant stand it. He is not finding work here and im so lonely im so bummed out. He says he will not move back and if I want to move it will be by myself over his dead body will I take our 4 year old..Also He left a daughter behind too. What should I do? I have no money. I could try and stick it out but he is acting like im only here couse of our daughter and im miserable
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