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1) I think that online dating sites probably tend to take the fun out "dating." It seems that too many people are taking the same approach to dating, as they take to picking out an LED TV. But then again, it's a personal thing, and maybe people like seeing statistics, attributes and pictures, all in one central database.
2) Too many people are too goal oriented. Everything has to align up and be perfect. Have to have the perfect date...that should lead to the perfect bedroom time...etc, etc. It just doesn't seem like anybody takes the time to smell the flowers anymore.
3) Too picky. I'm as guilty of this as anybody...but some people are picking really silly things. I have a friend who told me "that woman would be perfect if she was 10 lbs lighter." Seriously, you are going to drop somebody over 10 lbs?
Hit the nail on the head. You understand what I'm talking about, and why I'm kissing it goodbye.
Well I appreciate that advice, it's never something I ran into a wall with. I was never turned down in an email when requesting a date and I was given no indication from any of the women I asked that they weren't comfortable meeting yet or preferred to talk and/or email some more. Most of them were more eager to meet sooner than I was.
However, it's too little too late. If I ever sack up enough to ask a girl out in person then I'll consider asking her if we can talk on the phone first to get to know each other before asking for a date.
That is what it is all about.
Compliment. Tell them you'd like to get to know them better. Ask for number. Take it and leave. Call very soon.
And remember, getting a phone number is no guarantee of anything. I think 90% of the women I've talked on the phone with, I've never dated. You just talk to see if you like each other. No pressure.
Well I appreciate that advice, it's never something I ran into a wall with. I was never turned down in an email when requesting a date and I was given no indication from any of the women I asked that they weren't comfortable meeting yet or preferred to talk and/or email some more. Most of them were more eager to meet sooner than I was.
Well that's kinda my point. I think that people that DON'T want to do this, are the ones that are not really not willing to spend any time getting to know someone. So for me, it works as a filter too. When I was first in contact with the guy who is now my BF, he was dreading talking to me...he said he was a miserable "phone person" and was terribly shy, and he just was so worried about talking to me. The first call went okay...but it was enough that we both wanted to talk again. The second call, we talked for over an hour. And all the calls after that. We totally clicked on the phone, and by the time we met, we had some platform of knowledge there to go on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201
However, it's too little too late. If I ever sack up enough to ask a girl out in person then I'll consider asking her if we can talk on the phone first to get to know each other before asking for a date.
Not sure what you mean here....obviously, if you aren't using a dating site...then wouldn't you ask for her phone number anyway?? I mean...talking on the phone is a great way to get comfortable with someone...at least partially. ??
Hit the nail on the head. You understand what I'm talking about, and why I'm kissing it goodbye.
I don't know why you couldn't change those things about yourself. Nobody is saying changes come over night...but you could work on them. Taking some time away from "dating" sounds right...but going away forever just sound a little over dramatic.
You can change all those three things:
1) Get out and live life more. When you are enjoying life it will be easier to meet people.
2) Get more spontaneous. I have to learn to be more goal oriented for my job. I think you should learn to appreciate "dates" for what they are, more. I don't know how you'd do this though.
3) Be less picky. Identify the things you absolutely want out of a potential mate, and the things you absolutely don't want...and just let everything else go.
Well that's kinda my point. I think that people that DON'T want to do this, are the ones that are not really not willing to spend any time getting to know someone. So for me, it works as a filter too. When I was first in contact with the guy who is now my BF, he was dreading talking to me...he said he was a miserable "phone person" and was terribly shy, and he just was so worried about talking to me. The first call went okay...but it was enough that we both wanted to talk again. The second call, we talked for over an hour. And all the calls after that. We totally clicked on the phone, and by the time we met, we had some platform of knowledge there to go on.
Not sure what you mean here....obviously, if you aren't using a dating site...then wouldn't you ask for her phone number anyway?? I mean...talking on the phone is a great way to get comfortable with someone...at least partially. ??
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225
That is what it is all about.
Compliment. Tell them you'd like to get to know them better. Ask for number. Take it and leave. Call very soon.
And remember, getting a phone number is no guarantee of anything. I think 90% of the women I've talked on the phone with, I've never dated. You just talk to see if you like each other. No pressure.
Thinking back, I find this approach a little funny, to be honest. I used to ask girls for their numbers, literally got probably a dozen phone numbers (this was right before I discovered online dating) and not one led to a date. Not one even spoke to me on the phone. They'd never answer my call and they'd never return it. I think that's why I got into online dating, it was easier to cast a wider net without putting my ego on the line as much.
Edit: I never had a girl NOT give me her phone number. This drove me nuts because none of them were interested, yet they'd give me their number anyway with no intention of ever talking to me, let alone going out with me. This drove me insane. At least with online dating, if they aren't interested they just don't respond to your email.
I was considering just asking women out on a date right there and then, and if they don't bite then they can't be that interested in me. I wouldn't ask them to a nice dinner, just to grab a coffee or something. But yeah, I've done the ask for the number thing and that definitely doesn't work, at least not for me. I won't go back to doing that.
I'm telling you, I'm going to be a lot happier when I put all this dating stuff behind me. There's so much more I can do and that I have planned already for this summer. I don't need to find a date ever couple weeks to torture me. I'm gonna play sports, work out, go running, go to the beach, grill out with friends, go to concerts, maybe get drunk out of my mind once or twice. It'll be a blast without the dating.
Thinking back, I find this approach a little funny, to be honest. I used to ask girls for their numbers, literally got probably a dozen phone numbers (this was right before I discovered online dating) and not one led to a date. Not one even spoke to me on the phone. They'd never answer my call and they'd never return it. I think that's why I got into online dating, it was easier to cast a wider net without putting my ego on the line as much.
Egos are ALWAYS on the line with dating...whether you do the online thing or not. That's just the nature of the beast. Not sure why you find the phone thing so alien...but it is an absolute for me. Always.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201
I'm telling you, I'm going to be a lot happier when I put all this dating stuff behind me. There's so much more I can do and that I have planned already for this summer. I don't need to find a date ever couple weeks to torture me. I'm gonna play sports, work out, go running, go to the beach, grill out with friends, go to concerts, maybe get drunk out of my mind once or twice. It'll be a blast without the dating.
I've done all that too, and I'm just fine if I am doing it by myself. I'm much more content with my own company than most people, in fact. BUT...I do love having a man around, being around him, sharing stuff and having fun together. No matter what happens, I can't see ever getting so disgruntled that I would tune out to the concept of being with someone. I enjoy men far too much.
online dating should only be used as a supplementary source for getting dates; it shouldn't completely replace the good old fashioned way of meeting people!
you should just ask the girl out....
the "good old fashioned" way of meeting people is too hard for those who lack confidence like me
Egos are ALWAYS on the line with dating...whether you do the online thing or not. That's just the nature of the beast. Not sure why you find the phone thing so alien...but it is an absolute for me. Always.
I have learned this the harshest way possible and I totally agree.
I've done all that too, and I'm just fine if I am doing it by myself. I'm much more content with my own company than most people, in fact. BUT...I do love having a man around, being around him, sharing stuff and having fun together. No matter what happens, I can't see ever getting so disgruntled that I would tune out to the concept of being with someone. I enjoy men far too much.
Yeah, it WOULD be great to have a woman to share certain things with, but let's weigh the unhappiness here....there's just too many things about the process of finding someone like this that just aren't worth it. Will I tune out women completely? No. If they're throwing themselves at me or pursuing me, I'll entertain the concept of having them in my life if they are a good fit for me. But as for taking a proactive approach you can consider it a dead issue. It's just not panning out. There's zero return on the investment. The emotional torture doesn't outweigh the potential happiness of the end result.
I don't know why you couldn't change those things about yourself. Nobody is saying changes come over night...but you could work on them. Taking some time away from "dating" sounds right...but going away forever just sound a little over dramatic.
You can change all those three things:
1) Get out and live life more. When you are enjoying life it will be easier to meet people.
2) Get more spontaneous. I have to learn to be more goal oriented for my job. I think you should learn to appreciate "dates" for what they are, more. I don't know how you'd do this though.
3) Be less picky. Identify the things you absolutely want out of a potential mate, and the things you absolutely don't want...and just let everything else go.
Hey you beat me to it.
Cdubs is so damn wound up and needs to relax some and go with the flow. To me when it is right to ask someone I go with it, if it feels right, otherwise I never worry about it. Cdubs is looking at this like some military campaign of objectives and capturing the flag and really needs to step back and relax a bit.
Thinking back, I find this approach a little funny, to be honest. I used to ask girls for their numbers, literally got probably a dozen phone numbers (this was right before I discovered online dating) and not one led to a date. Not one even spoke to me on the phone. They'd never answer my call and they'd never return it. I think that's why I got into online dating, it was easier to cast a wider net without putting my ego on the line as much.
I'm telling you, I'm going to be a lot happier when I put all this dating stuff behind me. There's so much more I can do and that I have planned already for this summer. I don't need to find a date ever couple weeks to torture me. I'm gonna play sports, work out, go running, go to the beach, grill out with friends, go to concerts, maybe get drunk out of my mind once or twice. It'll be a blast without the dating.
I think you should change tact and just do some practice. And here is how: Go out and engage women out there in the world in conversation without any designs to ask them out. Take the pressure off of yourself and just enjoy conversation without feeling you have to follow all these steps and pop a question. Women can sense a mile away how wound and bound you are, hence why you never get a call back.
I would say if you start doing that on a regular basis you might be surprised what might happen. Things will click into place more naturally cause you'll be focused on bridge #1 first rather than 10 bridges down the road.
I believe I told you before to go out and have fun and stop overanalyzing all this stuff.
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When I was first in contact with the guy who is now my BF, he was dreading talking to me...he said he was a miserable "phone person" and was terribly shy, and he just was so worried about talking to me. 
The first call went okay...but it was enough that we both wanted to talk again. The second call, we talked for over an hour. 
And all the calls after that. We totally clicked on the phone, and by the time we met, we had some platform of knowledge there to go on. 
