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Old 05-13-2010, 05:50 AM
 
1,301 posts, read 1,519,812 times
Reputation: 1258
Quote:
Originally Posted by betamanlet View Post
That's not accurate, because even if you date, and start a relationship, she could later realize she can do better, and dump you. She was out of your league if that's the case.

That's what you've been saying to yourself.


While you wallow in that self-defeat even when you haven't done anything, we people who are confident and/or in a healthy relationship can continue living our happy lives.


If you want attention, seek a counslor, you got the money.
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Old 05-13-2010, 05:55 AM
 
17,845 posts, read 16,916,770 times
Reputation: 17613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saberai View Post
That's what you've been saying to yourself.

While you wallow in that self-defeat even when you haven't done anything, we people who are confident and/or in a healthy relationship can continue living our happy lives.

If you want attention, seek a counslor, you got the money.
Can I repeat the above, 100 times???


Geesh. How long can you wallow in self-pity?
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Old 05-13-2010, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Small Town USA Population about 15,000
442 posts, read 494,563 times
Reputation: 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston View Post
betamanlet, i used to be like you in a way. But I got myself out of it.

I realised that:

- My problems/issues are self-made. so if this is the case, how I perceive and react to things is key.

- I am who I am, and I should not change it. Should I want to change it, ask myself "what is the worst thing that can happen if it doesn't change?" I will admit that sometimes I am lazy, or untidy. and whilst these may annoy others, millions (perhaps billions) of others in the world are too. it's a normal human failing. But I also recognise my plus points. I am learned, I treat all with respect, I do not go out of my way to hurt others, I am funny and witty, I have good communication skills, I am ambitious, etc.

- I self-talk and emit confidence this way. Many people I know say that I walk with purpose, and dress the part too. Everyday in work, I make an effort to dress good, and I get numerous compliments from people saying how good I look.

- I don't give a damn what people think, of what I do, what I like, or what I am. I recognise that I have plus points, and weaknesses, as do all other human beings.

My honest appraisal of you, manlet, is this:

- You say you have a good job, live in a good area, so it's not status/position that stops you from getting dates.

- IMO, it's attitude. I think past experience has soured you, which most of all is hurtful to you. I suggest you start from a clean slate, and move forward. Also, see women for who they are - as individuals. Not all women are bad, or are golddiggers.

Anytime you want to chat, about anything, send me a PM.
"There are plenty of idiots with degrees, and plenty of intelligent people without degrees." Quote from Niceguy

Dude, those two have it down, it does not matter what those women want don't want or what you think they want. My mom always said pretty is as pretty does. There are a lot of men that I thought were good-looking and out of my league until they opened there mouth, I ran.
Just be yourself and treat others as you want to be treated, the others will go away and you will have found the right one.
Oh and I am a woman.
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Old 05-13-2010, 06:42 AM
 
491 posts, read 681,318 times
Reputation: 434
My take on how a guy can know what league he's in:
  • If you're really good looking or very wealthy, you're in the big leagues. If you're a DB, slob or un/underemployed, you're still in the big leagues. There's plenty of beautiful women with low self esteem who will fall for a loser if he looks good enough.
  • If you're an average looking guy your league is directly tied to your position in society. If you're un/underemployed or have social shortcomings, you're on the softball team or minor leagues. Your chances of making it to the big leagues improves as your staion improves by gaining wealth or power. It's not just the money that will attract the hotties, people carry themselves differently when confident and established, chicks dig that.
  • If you have not been blessed with fair looks, you're most likely on the local softbal team, maybe journeyman minor leaguer if you have enough wit and personality. However, the same rules apply as the average looking guy, you just need to achieve a loftier status. Tailored suits, impeccable grooming and the swagger tha comes with having a large portfolio can make the ladies swoon. You'll have better success romancing the beautiful lady who caught your eye from the deck of your yacht than you will from your basement apartment.
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Old 05-13-2010, 07:00 AM
 
6,274 posts, read 4,128,063 times
Reputation: 4850
Quote:
Originally Posted by NY Annie View Post
I'm sorry you married someone with whom you had and still have absolutely nothing in common. Why on earth did you get married? His lack of a degree and your single degree aren't that far apart; but obviously your interests are.

Perhaps that someone with a high school diploma working in a factory is working on a degree - or maybe cannot afford to even take one class because the salary just doesn't stretch far enough. That doesn't make the person uneducated. Don't get so hung up on your degree.

Back in the day when we still used typewriters, I ran a typing service. I remember typing one paper for a college senior. It was written on a 3rd grade level, at best. He had one "sentence" that ran on for 2.5 pages. When I finished charging him for editing, his bill came to $97. I charged $1/page and the lousy paper was only 10 pages. So he had the degree, and I did not. I'll tell you who was the smarter of us, if you need to ask. I edited principals' notes home to parents that had spelling and grammatical errors that most of the 6th grade students would have been ashamed of.

Big whoop on your degree. And who's the smart one - you married someone with whom you share(d) nothing in common. Don't blame HIS stupidity for that.
There is a big difference between a bachlelors and a high school diploma,4 extra years of schooling. The example with the factory worker is a poor one because if his salary doesn't stretch far enough he should go back to school so he won't get stuck there,he would find a
way out if he were smart. I listened to friends say"don't be stuck up and uppity" because at one time I would only date men with bachelors degrees.
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Old 05-13-2010, 07:21 AM
 
16,623 posts, read 13,808,945 times
Reputation: 11466
if you can feed yourself, you're in the same league with the rest of us. congratulations.
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Old 05-13-2010, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
2,985 posts, read 2,296,293 times
Reputation: 5629
Here's how to tell if you're in someone's league; each of these comes with the caveat of being in a long-term relationship with the potential partner in question:


- Are you self-sufficient and at a level of success (meaning both the job itself AND the level of income) where you're satisfied, even if you're still naturally interested in some degree of upward mobility?

- Would you at least be providing enough, per your portion of the combined income, to sustain you both IF the other person lost their job for some reason? Would you prove capable of maintaining something AT or NEAR the current lifestyle even if the two of you were forced to tighten your collective belts a bit due to circumstances?

- Are you capable of at least sharing in the other persons academic and extracurricular interests on a meaningful level whether you hold the same level or degree of knowledge about said topics and interests?

- Do you share SOLID common ground covering about 20 percent of each of your academic and interest ranges, RELATIVE common ground to cover another 20 percent, and the remaining 60 percent is just catch-as-catch-can combined with an open mind?

- Are you capable of putting on the same opposing-gender types of clothing as the potential partner (your tux to her gown or vice-versa)?


If the answer to those was YES than congratulations, you are in this person's league or higher.

If the answer was NO, then you are not in that person's league because you do not provide adequate stability for meaningful exchange in daily life OR adequate support in the event of adversity.

But don't let that stop you. People date or marry out of their league ALL THE TIME.



As for determining whether you're in someone's league based on looks, let's NOT pretend looks have NOTHING to do with it; however, the lines are a lot more blurred and so long as you're not Quasimodo, then the only thing stopping ANY woman from being in your league is either HER feelings where looks are concerned or YOUR assumption that she's out of your league.
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Old 05-14-2010, 08:53 AM
 
10,653 posts, read 6,271,269 times
Reputation: 4665
Quote:
Originally Posted by Burb View Post
My take on how a guy can know what league he's in:
  • If you're really good looking or very wealthy, you're in the big leagues. If you're a DB, slob or un/underemployed, you're still in the big leagues. There's plenty of beautiful women with low self esteem who will fall for a loser if he looks good enough.
  • If you're an average looking guy your league is directly tied to your position in society. If you're un/underemployed or have social shortcomings, you're on the softball team or minor leagues. Your chances of making it to the big leagues improves as your staion improves by gaining wealth or power. It's not just the money that will attract the hotties, people carry themselves differently when confident and established, chicks dig that.
  • If you have not been blessed with fair looks, you're most likely on the local softbal team, maybe journeyman minor leaguer if you have enough wit and personality. However, the same rules apply as the average looking guy, you just need to achieve a loftier status. Tailored suits, impeccable grooming and the swagger tha comes with having a large portfolio can make the ladies swoon. You'll have better success romancing the beautiful lady who caught your eye from the deck of your yacht than you will from your basement apartment.


Pretty much nailed it, also you can compare yourself to the quality of women you've had in the past which is usually a decent showing of where you stand.
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