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is she less of a woman at age 30, if she doesn't have any children?
Wait .... what?
Is this something you are catching sh*t about and are looking for comebacks, or are you throwing it out because it's something you believe? If it's the former, mucho sympathy. Woman does not = mother, fundy and conservative thinking aside. If it's something you believe, you need to come back and 'splain yourself. You can't just throw out a comment like that and then disappear into the woodwork. It's trollish
I am not sure what having children and being a woman have to do with one another. I have not got one ounce of maternal instinct and I feel just fine thank you. I am extremely feminine and do not feel something is missing in my life because I have not bred. I am 42 and have no intentions of ever having a child. And If I wanted one I would adopt or foster as I feel unwanted children should be a priority .
Having kids is great for some, and a terrible ideas for others. Women are individuals and as such do not have to conform to socio cultural pressures simply because it is tradition.
Because people around me with children are always trying to pity me or make me feel some kind of way about being 30 w/o any children.
Well, ok. Do a search on "childfree". There are groups for those totally sure about themselves - those tend to be pretty hardcore. Others that provide support to those who are definitely CF but who also welcome fence sitters. Something like Welcome to The Childfree Life
One of her latest entries has words that might help
Quote:
In a society that’s fixated on having kids it can be very hard not to feel the odd person out and the one that doesn’t “fit.” It’s one of the reasons that being childfree isn’t for the faint-hearted. If societal acceptance is high on your list then being childfree is going to be one uphill battle. Unfortunately there is little support for teens and young people to enable them to consider a childfree life and of course no support in general. Even if people don’t say it directly (and as we know many do), pro-natalism is conveyed in so many ways… from the constant mention of “mommy power” to the endless references to “our children” in business meetings to the complete lack of acknowlegdement that not everyone has or wants kids. The childfree people I know, however, don’t have much of need to be accepted by society. As long as we’re left alone to live our lives, and don’t get bombarded with insecurities and bingoes… it’s cool. It’s a good point from which to start.
ETA: Detachment is a good skill to perfect. Adopt stock phrases:
"Well, that's an interesting opinion"
"Oh, that's nice that you really like children. Others choose different life paths. Since I respect yours, I only ask the same in return. Don't you think that's reasonable?" (the last sentence is to turn the tables on them.)
My best method for the persistent types is to say "yeah, whatever". Roll your eyes and give a disinterested *shrug*
If you are under thirty now, you are the age I was in the 80s. Back then, the word 'childfree' wasn't in common use. Attitudes were even more ridiculous. I was married barely 6 months when people (almost strangers, in fact) were congratulating me on being pregnant. When I let out a squawk and asked what made them think of that, the reply was "well, you guys have been married for several months, we just thought ....". The Lifescript held great sway back then. Today, a lot of people don't make the automatic assumption that everyone has babies, but there are still dimbulbs out there. I'm sorry you are having to come up against them. They make me question the intelligence of the human race
Last edited by silverwing; 05-11-2010 at 06:36 AM..
Most of my friends who do have children were around 28-32 when they had them--no younger--they do not make me feel like less of a person (that's called jealousy at your childfree life)...
Because people around me with children are always trying to pity me or make me feel some kind of way about being 30 w/o any children.
I just read further down......if you choose to not have kids that is YOUR choice not anyone elses. All I can say is try to IGNORE. I am going through a NASTY divorce and have become somewhat of the gossip of the town, small town crap........I know it's a different circumstance but I have had to ignore other people for my own sanity and my kids well being. Life is short, live it as best for YOU
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