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Old 05-11-2010, 09:35 AM
 
13 posts, read 56,430 times
Reputation: 19

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I dont want to sound juvenile here, and I considered the idea that I may be overanalyzing (which I tend to do from time to time), but I'm a little bothered that my boyfriend of 2 years has no pictures of me that others can see. I know it sounds stupid, but not one on facebook, in his wallet or at work. He has pictures of me in his phone and takes plenty of pictures of us any other time but nothing that publicly acknowledges us as a couple.

At first when he found out that I had pictures of him posted, he wasn't mad but sad he doesn't like his picture being online and asked me "not to get carried away with it." Let me be clear... I have not created an altar dedicated to him online and there are only a handfull of pics of him/us. Its more pictures of my friends and I than of he and I... but just a few little captured moments that I am proud of.... that I kind of wanted to show off and share with my friends.

He is new to FB and has fewer than 20 friends and it took him forever to join, like he was giving in to the darkside by opening a Facebook. I know he is a private type of person, and all of his "friends" are family or friends that I know. He doesn't even have pictures of himself. He says he basically just wants to use it to connect more with his family. He even tells me about the people who send him friend requests and he ignores them...male and female. I believe all of that to be true.

Also, I rarely go to his page and didn't even know how many friends he had until I brought it up last night, which of course led to a small arguement. I told him I thought of it as just a little show of pride or a "trophy"....something you're proud of. I said that "chicks like that type of thing," trying to keep it light hearted. When I half jokingly said that "maybe he didn't want some of his friends back home to know about me" he got offended (maybe rightfully so) and told me "that was all in my head" and "Have I seen his friends? They all know me." Even all of his immediate co-workers know me and we have gotten together with them many times.

I certainly didn't want this to turn into a fight and I'm not "mad" about it, just a little hurt I guess... and I dont think he understands why. I trust him and dont think that he's doing anything shady, but I cant help but wonder why he doesn't want to post even just one picture of me or the two of us. I just look at it as he's proud to show the people in his social circle "this is my girl." When I tried to explain that point of view, and tell him how I felt it just didn't come out right. He said that he thinks that FB is High School BS and he was thinking of deleting his account anyway, but if he didn't delete it, he'd add pictures when he was ready...????? Ready for what...if its just Facebook and High Schoolish... than what is there to be ready about? Are we talking about FB or something more...Or am I overanalyzing this?

The last thing I'll add (and this could be key... or nothing) is that he was in a bad marriage that led to a divorce, but that has been over for years now. But in the beginning of our relationship, when I had pictures of him on FB, he would say he didn't want his ex to have anyway of finding out. I assured him I wasn't friends with anyone she was connected to and my account was locked up like Ft. Knox... since then he's more comfortable with it all, has seen all of my pictures and never mentions his ex. Infact, we now live together and get along great. I know he loves me, and I'm really not trying to **** on my territory, but there is still that little spark of my imagination wondering "Is he really "just that private" or is he not ready to broadcast our relationship?" Is he still unsure of where this is heading? Is he still keeping his options open? Or are men really much more simple than all of that and I'm letting my imagination get the best of me by putting too much thought into this? Either way, my ego takes a very small hit on this topic. Do I have a right to feel that way? Should I be concerned? Or should I let it go and stop putting anymore thought into it?

Sorry this was so lengthy, but thanks for hanging in there with me...
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Old 05-11-2010, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Wherever I go...
397 posts, read 382,408 times
Reputation: 697
Um, you are wayyyyy over-analyzing this.

Some people, myself included, my husband included, my boyfriend included, are just that private... none of us post pictures of ourselves all over the net, or pictures of those we're involved with. My husband doesn't have FB, just my boyfriend and I have accounts... and while we each have one picture of ourself on our accounts, we don't have pictures of each other or of my husband on them. We don't have our accounts linked, either... yet we've been together for 12 years. *chuckling*

People joke about it... but seriously... it's amazing how many relationships are damaged by Facebook... by people making changes to their relationship status that their partner is upset by, by who someone is friends with, by issues over pictures, by negative reactions to wall posts... it's insane. Facebook is one of the worst things people can do to their relationships.

Clearly his family, friends and co-workers already know about you... they don't need to see pictures about you on his Facebook account as well. You really are making a mountain out of a molehill, hon. Relax and enjoy the relationship. *smiles*
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:02 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,574 posts, read 4,141,756 times
Reputation: 6112
Men sometimes just don't do pictures.

We are wired differently to women.
women i've worked with have had their desks covered in pictures of partners, kids, pets etc.

Men will often have a car, or a football team. Or that female tennis player scratching her ass.

I think you're over-reacting.
If he doesn't want his picture online, then respect his opinion.

If you can't respect his values on such a basic issue as this, then what hope is there for the future ?
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:16 AM
 
5,993 posts, read 5,135,590 times
Reputation: 9318
You're being a silly little over-analytical girl. Leave him alone.
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,700,837 times
Reputation: 3631
Considering he didn't want to have a Facebook page in the first place, I wouldn't take his not having pictures up as a bad sign, esp since he doesn't even have pics of himself. If he has included you in his world going out with friend co-workers, etc., then you have a solid relationship. Why ruin it because YOU want him to scream to te world that you two are together?

Guys are not like women. The more into a woman they are, the more quiet about her they are. We women are the opposite: the more we are into a guy, the more we talk about him.

This is just a difference in the way the sexes communicate. What you need to figure out is why you are so insecure that you need him to have a Facebook and have you plastered all over the place.
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:27 AM
 
5,148 posts, read 1,861,726 times
Reputation: 2865
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
Considering he didn't want to have a Facebook page in the first place, I wouldn't take his not having pictures up as a bad sign, esp since he doesn't even have pics of himself. If he has included you in his world going out with friend co-workers, etc., then you have a solid relationship. Why ruin it because YOU want him to scream to te world that you two are together?

Guys are not like women. The more into a woman they are, the more quiet about her they are. We women are the opposite: the more we are into a guy, the more we talk about him.

This is just a difference in the way the sexes communicate. What you need to figure out is why you are so insecure that you need him to have a Facebook and have you plastered all over the place.
Great point. I think women should know that just because a guy hasn't yacked you up to his buddies...that is actually a good thing. Means he respects you.
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:48 AM
 
13 posts, read 56,430 times
Reputation: 19
Default Thanks!!

I guess you're all right and thank you for your input. The only thing I have to disagree on is that even online... I am somewhat private as well. I never post anything personal, only have a "Handfull" of pics of us... I'm not obsessive, dont plaster his face all over my FB, I rarely even mention him or go to his page and I dont expect him to do that either. I would have loved to see just one picture... of something he's proud of... but like some of you said, Some men just dont do pictures. And Women are different than men, in that respect. I guess it just all stems back to when we were first dating and he didn't want his ex to find out... thats not even a topic anymore. I guess I just tend to worry that his past experiences will hold him back in our relationship, when maybe its my past experiences that are the problem. I've been down similar roads before and it didn't end well and I'm so affraid of history repeating itself. He's just hard to read and the fact that he's been through a bad marriage, makes me affraid that he'll hold back with me or maybe that he's "not sure" yet.

Actually, if someone told me this story, I would tell them the same things you're all telling me and that it sounds like a healthy solid relationship and that I need to stop analyzing this.

Thanks for all the input. I'm new to this website, but this is great! Its cheaper than therapy. Anyone have advice on how to just let go of the past and stop over analyzing??? I think its my fatal flaw. LOL.

Thanks again.
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,257 posts, read 11,358,519 times
Reputation: 9757
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wingsy View Post
Um, you are wayyyyy over-analyzing this.

Some people, myself included, my husband included, my boyfriend included, are just that private... none of us post pictures of ourselves all over the net, or pictures of those we're involved with. My husband doesn't have FB, just my boyfriend and I have accounts... and while we each have one picture of ourself on our accounts, we don't have pictures of each other or of my husband on them. We don't have our accounts linked, either... yet we've been together for 12 years. *chuckling*

People joke about it... but seriously... it's amazing how many relationships are damaged by Facebook... by people making changes to their relationship status that their partner is upset by, by who someone is friends with, by issues over pictures, by negative reactions to wall posts... it's insane. Facebook is one of the worst things people can do to their relationships.

Clearly his family, friends and co-workers already know about you... they don't need to see pictures about you on his Facebook account as well. You really are making a mountain out of a molehill, hon. Relax and enjoy the relationship. *smiles*
Did I read that right? Your husband AND your boyfriend included?
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,126 posts, read 15,232,411 times
Reputation: 15789
The only picture I have (that isn't cheesy christmastime or holiday pictures) of me and my hubby together was taken a few years ago when we were flying. We're both wearing big glasses and headphones so you can barely tell it's us anyway

We're just not picture people...I wouldn't worry about it
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
677 posts, read 919,627 times
Reputation: 608
Although it occurred a while ago, it's strange to me that he said he didn't want his ex to find out about you.

Aside from that part of the story, I do think that you're over analyzing the situation. Facebook can be extremely childish, and I've been in his position before, as far as wanting to just delete my profile and be done with it. Seems like it's a website designed for 16 year old teenyboppers sometimes, with all of the stupid game requests people send, the pointless wall posts, glittery graphics...ugh!

Just some insight as to possible reasons he's sick of it.

I would spend more time focusing on what you both do in real life to show love and respect instead of what happens on a pointless social networking website.

It's cute that it bothered you, though That's totally something that I would do if I was more into FB. Overly analytical people unite!
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