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I laid everything out on the table for her, I told her how I know I need to balance my work and personal life better. We discussed how to compromise on the issue; she will be more supportive of what I do and in turn, I will set aside time to be with her alone without my Blackberry attached to my waist. We both decided that a proper vacation is in order, actually it's LONG overdue. If we have some time away together, I hope our bond can grow stronger. We had a small disagreement whether or not I would be allowed to do work while on our trip but we compromised that I would work no more than an hour each day while on vacation. I think she understands that my job is important to me, but more importantly, she understands that she is the love of my life.
One thing we did decided is that it'd be nice if we both have something to bond over. An activity that both of us can enjoy as a couple. I suggested getting a motorcycle (my inner rebel coming out...) but she doesn't care for bikes. She suggested I take up tennis...not going to happen and she doesn't care to golf. Then an idea popped in to my head...BOATING! She loves being on the water as do I, just never really thought about buying a boat (break out another thousand). I actually think this is a great idea as we could go to Lake Havasu on the weekends and spend some time together while cruising the lake. It looks like Speedy is going to be buying a boat...not sure if I'm excited to spend the money though.
But I'm happy this morning ! It's not only a new day, it feels like we turned a new page in our relationship. I don't feel as stressed out as I have been and after I submit this project, I'll have a bit of downtime before the next one comes due. I just feel really good, almost like a new person!
Now the question is...where to go on vacation? I'm leaning toward going to Hawaii for 5 days or so, I know we both want something semi-secluded away from the hustle and bustle of Phoenix. Any other suggestions?
Anyone own a boat? This is definitely going to be an experience...
You don't seem to understand that she wants to be with you and have your attention and buying stuff is not that. Why would getting her a gift solve the problem of not spending enough time with her? It seems like you are unwilling to spend uninterupted time with her and that's what she wants. You say you'd like to, but being on call all the time is nessesary. If it's nessesary then it's impossible for you not to do. Whether you spend un interrupted time with her isn't based on a decision you're making, it's based on luck (hopefully no one will call). I do think it's possible, but you aren't willing to do it, so I don't think it's going work out. There are plenty of girls out there who will happily trade time with a guy for gifts. This isn't one of them.
sorry I was just a little late on that. I think that's very good! You came across as someone who was saying "well I have to, how can I fix this? -meaning make her get over it"
I'm happy for you guys. I think what you guys decided sounds very reasonable. And more importantly, she does.
I laid everything out on the table for her,... I think she understands that my job is important to me, but more importantly, she understands that she is the love of my life.
But I'm happy this morning ! It's not only a new day, it feels like we turned a new page in our relationship. I don't feel as stressed out as I have been and after I submit this project, I'll have a bit of downtime before the next one comes due. I just feel really good, almost like a new person!
Now the question is...where to go on vacation? I'm leaning toward going to Hawaii for 5 days or so, I know we both want something semi-secluded away from the hustle and bustle of Phoenix. Any other suggestions?
Anyone own a boat? This is definitely going to be an experience...
Oh dear - first the vacation: Why not head to the west coast of Mexico - north of Puerta Vallarta, in the state of Jallisco -
First there's a wonderful resort called the Mayan Palace, the Grand Mayan, and one other Mayan -these places are together in a place called Nuevo Vallarta. We spent a week there and it's truly a paradise - definitely away from hustle and bustle yet not too far away - AND, it's affordable. On the same body of water as Puerto Vallarta - the Bahia de Banderas (Banderas Bay - and the great thing about that is that it's semi-sheltered and it makes swimming and other watersports really great. You can also find places to go snorkeling and scuba diving.
A bit further north/west around the Bay is a place called Punta de Mita - still in the state of Jallisco (which, btw, is the home of Mexico's President). There are some incredibly expensive (on a par with Hawaii's costs) homes and resorts as well as some hotels - all truly first class, luxury places.
There are some lowly 3-4-5 star places as well. When last we were there, this area was going through an enormous building spree going on.
I suggest going to a vacation/travel site like Trip Advisor and entering "hotels Punta De Mita". I just found this comment there which pretty much sums up our feelings on this area of Mexico:
As of feb. 2010 El Anclote is a paradise waiting to be explored. My wife and I just spent 17 days in the condo and had an amazing time that cant be put into words. We have travelled around a lot to Costa Rica and Hawaii but for us this takes the cake. We are already planning our return trip to Mexico and are excited to explore more of this life filled country
2nd - the boat. Time. Owning a boat requires time and energy. Time to maintain the boat; time learning about the safety rules. You can't just pull a boat over to the side of the road and walk when you run out of gas or the propeller shears the cotterpin or you hit something small and wind up with a leak. Find a place you can rent a boat. I really can't see you as a boat owner.
I think she understands that my job is important to me, but more importantly, she understands that she is the love of my life.
Speedy, that's awesome. I'm glad you two were able to communicate about this AND come to some sort of an agreement to work on this together. I think the vacation is a wonderful idea... honestly, given what you two have been through... and given the fact that for a while, you really are going to have to sort of "prove yourself" for a bit... I'd advise choosing a vacation destination where you can't get cell service... or internet access. Yes, I know that sounds drastic and perhaps even scary - but to some extent, you're kind of "on probation" here for a while... and it's soooooo easy to get drawn back into bad habits.
NY Annie nailed it with what she said about the time and energy required to own a boat, not to mention the things you have to learn about them. So you may want to proceed slowly on that one... renting a boat is a good start. Taking a class or two would be good as well. The local boat dealers will be able to tell you where to start. Do some research on the internet... look into boating hobbyist forums and see what sort of issues they've run into - not to mention learning from them what the best boats are for the money and all the cool off-the-beaten-path places to boat!
I hope things continue to improve for the two of you... it sounds like you've started down a good path together with regards to this... good for you!!!!!
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 05-12-2010 at 11:30 AM..
Reason: removed orphaned post
Glad the two of you had a talk and were able to come to a compromise. Yes, a vacation is long over due but dude.....it is a vacation!! Go somewhere where you can't even get internet reception. Why bother going if you are going to devote and hour which may turn into two, three, four...then you will be fighting ON VACATION!!
Try this. When you go on vacation, act like you have died. I promise you the world will keep spinning and those back at the office will figure it out without you.
I think it was Benjamin Franklin who once commented on things people said on their deathbeds. Bet you could google it and read it yourself. What stuck with me was his observation that no one ever said they wished they had worked more or harder. There were plenty of regrets spoken about wishing they had spent more time with the people or activities that brought them happiness.
Work is the means to an end. It allows you to have some of the things you want in life. What good are those things if work takes over your life and you are alone?
Put work in it's place and gain some perspective. Your time off should be YOURS. Yes, work hard and do the best you can for your employer during your working hours. You can even pitch in occasionally after hours but the key word is occasionally. You do not belong to your employer 24x7. Find some perspective or you will lose the most valuable thing you have, yourself.
The woman in your life isn't asking for a new sweater. You are lucky, she is asking for you. She wants to be with you and spend time with you. Isn't that what you always wanted and wished for?
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! It's not only a new day, it feels like we turned a new page in our relationship. I don't feel as stressed out as I have been and after I submit this project, I'll have a bit of downtime before the next one comes due. I just feel really good, almost like a new person! 
