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Old 05-16-2010, 02:28 AM
 
8,681 posts, read 7,681,603 times
Reputation: 14950

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SexyandSingle View Post
Well, I dont really feel 'used'...I just feel more that he's not putting the effort to make himself visible to me. Even when I said, "how do you expect to get to know me if you're only going to send me a couple of texts once a week?" (because he always would say he wanted to get to know me) He's like...well it hasn't been a week yet since we've met.

Everytime I bring up something about his behavior, he makes it seem like its just me, or our schedules.

I refuse to date someone who doesn't make me feel important as I would to them. I tend to end things with them immediately, just like I did with him the 1st time he wasn't taking me seriously (e.g. no dates, only texting, changing and breaking plans). and before he knew it I was back to doing my own thing.

Okay, so then you answered your own question. Ditch him and move on.

And next time, stick to your guns.
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Old 05-16-2010, 02:51 AM
 
76 posts, read 18,519 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ticatica View Post
Perhaps you should spend time asking why you want more from him. If you can't find good reasons to want more then he's a waste of your time and your worry isn't about him as much as the sum total of all the unwanted rejections you've gotten.
Because he is exactly my type in almost every way (he's not as buff as I prefer, but he's been working on it). And when we met it was instant attraction between the 2 of us. I mean, how can I not want more out of it?

Quote:
Two years is a long time to have been internet dating with no success. It's possible that you are getting alot of opportunistic mofos beacuse you're a hot babe. I have a friend who is an actress who gets tons of replies a month BUT 90% are opportunistic dudes looking to score with a hot babe not get to know a wonderful intelligent beautiful woman. All they see are the smoking pix.
It really is a long time. Actually, last summer I dated someone briefly...but we didnt really meet online, he just happened to 'run into me' online after seeing my photos at a mutual friend's home. And even with that, there was no relationship established. He couldn't even see me on my birthday of all days.

What you say about oppurtunistic sounds about right. They see my PG-13 pics and seems like they cant get beyond that. The more I online date with no success, the more I feel like I'm the 'secret girl' on the side.

The other day, I was overhearing a conversation between (involved) guys about how they use code names in their phones for their women on the side, so that if their girlfriend/wife looks thru the phone they cant tell its another woman. The way this guy is treating me, I feel like the 'code name girl'. The one who cant get a real relationship and be taken seriously Thats all it seems like online in this town, men always saying "text me". Whatever happened to "can I call you and set up a movie date?" Its pathetic, and I've had enough. I cant take it anymore!
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:40 AM
 
24,539 posts, read 14,685,175 times
Reputation: 24936
Stop putting out - it's that simple and easier to weed out the good from the bad
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Old 05-16-2010, 08:32 AM
 
Location: The Plains
6,036 posts, read 5,177,042 times
Reputation: 4226
The problem with online dating is they send you 1000 "perfect matches" how do you stop at one? I would imagine it would take a while to get through the whole list anyway.
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:49 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
1,561 posts, read 1,378,355 times
Reputation: 2164
Quote:
Originally Posted by SexyandSingle View Post
Because he is exactly my type in almost every way (he's not as buff as I prefer, but he's been working on it). And when we met it was instant attraction between the 2 of us. I mean, how can I not want more out of it?
Now that's a tricky thing, "type". It's good to have activities and physicality in common. It's also important to see when your priorities, values, and integrity don't match up. It looks like best case scenario, this dude doesn't have developing a relationship as a priority. Of course worst case scenario he's just a player. I'm not getting the impression that there is a consistent dating history (without sex) and phone contact (not leading to having sex). i knew a guy I had insane chemistry with but I was willing to take a shot but he wasn't. I'm Christian he's Jewish...you get the picture. Anywho, it was what it was and that's all. He's probably going to end up in that category.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SexyandSingle View Post
It really is a long time. Actually, last summer I dated someone briefly...but we didnt really meet online, he just happened to 'run into me' online after seeing my photos at a mutual friend's home. And even with that, there was no relationship established. He couldn't even see me on my birthday of all days.

What you say about oppurtunistic sounds about right. They see my PG-13 pics and seems like they cant get beyond that. The more I online date with no success, the more I feel like I'm the 'secret girl' on the side.

The other day, I was overhearing a conversation between (involved) guys about how they use code names in their phones for their women on the side, so that if their girlfriend/wife looks thru the phone they cant tell its another woman. The way this guy is treating me, I feel like the 'code name girl'. The one who cant get a real relationship and be taken seriously Thats all it seems like online in this town, men always saying "text me". Whatever happened to "can I call you and set up a movie date?" Its pathetic, and I've had enough. I cant take it anymore!
YUP! Sounds about right. There's LOTS of married and entangled guys on the dating sites. I'm nobody's prude but when I see a guy is a little too taken with me physically I sit back and wait for weeks to see if anything substantive develops. I pay attention to the things he likes to ask me. Things he wants to do. Early last summer I met a gorgeous guy who said all the right things the first date. By the third was requesting I wear short-shorts and we go on an overnight trip. Nah pardner. Up til then he was in the 'kiss only' file. After that he got dropped. He would have been a pump and dump for sure.

How these doofuses label you is soooo beside the point. You are defined by who you believe you are. If you believe you are a great catch worth a man's A game--be that girl even when a user tries to use you. Step back form a guy doing that. I know I'm gonna get pummeled for this but that's why I recommend having a guy you like who you share great physical chemistry with as your steady "friend". You have needs--call your buddy. You want to develop something meaningful DATE a few dudes but bed none until they consistently show interest in your feelings, life, etc.

Check this site out for more on these dudes. How To Spot Emotionally Unavailable Men - Mr Unavailable's | Baggage Reclaim
It's a little gem I found when recovering from a horrid affair in Vegas. NEVER date a man you meet in Vegas!
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Old 05-16-2010, 04:20 PM
 
Location: California
147 posts, read 143,288 times
Reputation: 115
If he doesn't want a commitment with you and you want one with him then you need to stop this now before you get more emotionally involved. End of story.
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Old 05-16-2010, 09:54 PM
 
Location: Pa
33,822 posts, read 19,976,092 times
Reputation: 18026
yeah, get a Prince not a frog. Although kermit the frog is cute.
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Old 05-16-2010, 11:09 PM
 
18,148 posts, read 17,434,592 times
Reputation: 18072
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
Okay, let's paint a picture here. You sleep with him right away when you first meet him. You don't hear from him for months and sleep with him immediately when you see him again....see where I'm going here. He already thinks your a sleazy piece - you baked that cake yourself. Throw in his preconceieved notions of what you do for a living just for icing and you've sealed the deal on this situation. He's in it for the sex and it can be arranged. No amount of what you say will override your actions. Take this situation for what it is or leave it. It's not a relationship by any means.
Awesome post! Another one of those that should be a sticky!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ticatica View Post
How these doofuses label you is soooo beside the point. You are defined by who you believe you are. If you believe you are a great catch worth a man's A game--be that girl even when a user tries to use you. Step back form a guy doing that.
This too....excellent advice!!
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Old 05-17-2010, 01:55 AM
 
76 posts, read 18,519 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ticatica View Post
I know I'm gonna get pummeled for this but that's why I recommend having a guy you like who you share great physical chemistry with as your steady "friend". You have needs--call your buddy.
LOL, truth be told...few years ago I had a 'buddy' and thats all we were. I didnt see him as relationship material at all, but we had sexual connection everytime we seen each other. He outlasted 2 boyfriends...when they broke up with me, guess who was there LOL.

But its like now, now...Its not even like that. See, the guy above did not meet me online, he met me at the car wash. The online world is perverted. They are rigged on the excitment of new ass. Even if that new ass has no ass.

In order for me to have a f**k buddy, there needs to be certain characteristics. Those characteristics have to make him attractive enough so I wont feel gross after the sex, but not so attractive that I get emotionally attached to him. Does that make anysense?
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Old 05-17-2010, 02:00 AM
 
76 posts, read 18,519 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by cieramc View Post
If he doesn't want a commitment with you and you want one with him then you need to stop this now before you get more emotionally involved. End of story.
I already emailed him to break it off. I told him that he wasn't making any effort to contact me and that Im deleting his number. He then had the nerve to say, "well I havent been online lately, but wow. okay". I was like, "I wasn't talking about online

And then I was like, "so you just going to let me walk off and you not going to try and stop me?" He couldn't even respond.

I tell you, these relationships I'm having are like seedlings that die before they even sprout. Its so discouraging....
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