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Old 05-14-2010, 06:57 AM
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,860 posts, read 6,765,734 times
Reputation: 7349


Neither is " I paid in more than you, you just used me for a certain lifestyle"

It's that whole pot/kettle/black thing.

Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I would too (fee that way). I can see putting it away for the kids' education, weddings, down payment on a house, etc., or just investing it for retirement. Morally, I think the OP has a right to know what is happening with the money. "It's mine and none of your business" is no attitude to have in a healthy marriage.

Old 05-14-2010, 07:10 AM
Location: Incognito
7,002 posts, read 17,420,099 times
Reputation: 5398
I would forge her signature and buy me a new wife.
Old 05-14-2010, 07:11 AM
30,889 posts, read 35,040,394 times
Reputation: 25495
We only buy what we can afford and what we both mutually agree upon
When i pass on she will get all my estate and my full pension for the rest of her life, so i cant see her being insecure about money..
I'm a guy, i just dont get it
Old 05-14-2010, 08:01 AM
Location: East Coast
2,845 posts, read 4,057,637 times
Reputation: 4079
Originally Posted by jambo101 View Post
Wifes father passes away and leaves her $500,000 which she promptly puts in a private account that i have no access to and she's not entertaining any idea of spending any of it.
Had I inherited money during my marriage, I would have certainly shared with my husband. Wouldn't have occurred to me not to put it into the "marital pot". I guess there are other things going on with your relationship of which you were not aware. Sorry...
Old 05-14-2010, 08:09 AM
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
14,939 posts, read 20,980,192 times
Reputation: 16345
Heres a story I'll share jambo101...
My mother recieved an inheritence and did the same to my father, she never had to work a day in her life which was fine, they had a very traditional marriage and it was another generation. Mom didn't share, was kind enough to buy him the truck he wanted ...kept titled in her name, he never said a word..I know it bothered him. Had taken an early retirement and went back to work, not for the money, he couldn't stand sitting at home any longer.
Anyway...I think dad got his revenge. After he died mom discovered his secret account he had put the money into..she was shocked he had hidden money from her. I think he's smiling somewhere as I typed this.
Old 05-14-2010, 08:16 AM
Location: Space Coast
1,989 posts, read 4,190,592 times
Reputation: 2720
It can feel very demeaning to be married to a guy who belittles his wife because he makes more money or because his family has more money, especially when he alludes that if it wasn't for him she wouldn't be anywhere in life. In that situation, I would want to keep my own stash of money too - just in case I one day decided I had enough and needed to get the heck out.
Old 05-14-2010, 08:18 AM
1,325 posts, read 1,725,968 times
Reputation: 975
Originally Posted by bobman View Post
Sorry, he left it to her, it's her money.
Yes, if you keep going the way you are, and get a divorce because of it, then it's probably matrimonial property, but, until then, you're screwed.
She's probably figured you guys live comfortably enough and don't need it, so has put it away for the kids.
I think that'll make quite a hole in their education fund, don't you ?

Funny how people who make more money are quick enough to shove that fact down your throat when it most suits them.
Let's get this straight, the money he earns is both of theirs as it goes into a joint account for bills and whatnot, but any money she gets is her's alone? Yeah, not buying this double standard crap.

My advice to the OP is to simply cut her off. Get your own account that your pay goes to, then transfer whatever your portion of the bills are to the joint account. If she needs some cash then she can get a job or dip into that inheritance. After all if her money is only for her then whatever you have left after bills is only for you.

Personally I think that's actually how it should be as it mitigates these kinds of problems the OP faces, but if you do have a joint account then *all* money needs to go into that account. After all it's martial property unless stipulated otherwise in a prenup. Saying it's only her money as bobman insists doesn't hold water legally as it'll get divided up in a divorce should it come to that.
Old 05-14-2010, 08:38 AM
Location: Northern Virginia
4,489 posts, read 8,784,570 times
Reputation: 3624
Wow...if my husband inherited money and I had no say in it, I'd be really hurt. Everything in our marriage is joint, regardless of the source. I can see her wanting to spend some of it on something to spoil herself (like a new car, or a dream vacation), but the rest of it should be used for a common goal.

Have you talked to her about how it makes you feel? Or found out why it's important for her to keep the money separate?
Old 05-14-2010, 08:41 AM
24,120 posts, read 8,361,034 times
Reputation: 60932
I'm not seeing a lot of trust here..

When I received an inheritance from my mom~what we did with the money was a joint decision..
Old 05-14-2010, 08:46 AM
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 4,691,396 times
Reputation: 3834
While some people have taken the OP to task, I must say he has a point. Legally, the inheritance is probably the wife's separate property. Morally, however, not sharing with one's spouse is wrong. The other spouse has every right to be upset over this behavior, particularly since he has been pulling most of the financial weight in the marriage. Otherwise, whatever he is earning is "our" money, but what she inherited is "her" money? If my husband did something like that to me, I'd be really upset too.

Of course, we don't know the whole story. Perhaps she put the money away for the kids' educations or something. Perhaps the husband is a spendthrift who blows money away on foolhardy business ventures, and she wants to preserve a nest egg. But simply putting it in a separate account and telling the husband that it's none of his business is very wrong, in my opinion.
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