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Old 05-23-2010, 10:09 AM
 
5,148 posts, read 1,866,770 times
Reputation: 2865

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheImportersWife View Post
I knew you had ulterior motives!
I'm placing the over/under, until somebody sends me a rep calling me a jerk or something, at about an hour.
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Old 05-23-2010, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
8,883 posts, read 11,310,836 times
Reputation: 16432
There is a lot of truth to what the OP posted. I've seen my share of guys who are delusional when it comes to women. They think any woman who is nice to them wants to hook up with them. What's funny is, most times it's the most undesireable men who think like this. Not sure if it's wishful thinking or just that they are completely incapable of picking up on when a woman is just being nice and when she's showing genuine interest. Probably a little of each.
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Old 05-23-2010, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
13,244 posts, read 10,949,808 times
Reputation: 20560
Just ask any woman who's ever worked in a customer service job how many times she's been propositioned. It happens All The Time.
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Old 05-23-2010, 10:44 AM
 
399 posts, read 359,493 times
Reputation: 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225 View Post
You seriously can't see the difference between confidence and disgusting arrogance?

I honestly don't know how to describe confidence. But saying something like "well if that woman doesn't like me she must be a lesbian" is arrogance.
Well, in no moment had we mentioned arrogance so far (unless i'm mistaken). However there is a lot of advice given by actually successful guys that consists basically in assuming that all women like you. You will surely find a couple using google.

Also, when we know that most of the time we can't really trust "signals" unless they are very clear (see my last posts), would you rather have a man doubting his own attractiveness? If he did, I don't think he would want to make any advances.

In summary, I can see how you might get the creeps with some attitudes, but I still fail to understand why thinking a woman will like you is a bad thing.
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Old 05-23-2010, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
8,883 posts, read 11,310,836 times
Reputation: 16432
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Just ask any woman who's ever worked in a customer service job how many times she's been propositioned. It happens All The Time.
Absolutely! My ex-wife and current wife get propositioned all the time at work. The ring on their finger wasn't a deterrent either.

Also, where I work in an office environment, there are several very attractive women, and I notice that they must purposely be standoffish and borderline bitchy in order to be taken seriously and stay one step ahead of the wolves who would look for the slightest "opening" to move in for the kill. They are nice girls when you get to know them, but they have to put up that wall to prevent unsolicited advances. Actually, they don't "have to", but it's probably easier for them to take that approach then to come up with tactful ways to avoid the inevitible. It takes a certain degree of skill to be nice, outgoing, and perky while hoping some of these guys won't be picking up the wrong signals. Sometimes it's easier just to be "strictly business", which often gets interpreted as stuck up or bitchy.
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Old 05-23-2010, 10:54 AM
 
5,148 posts, read 1,866,770 times
Reputation: 2865
Quote:
Originally Posted by carra View Post
Well, in no moment had we mentioned arrogance so far (unless i'm mistaken). However there is a lot of advice given by actually successful guys that consists basically in assuming that all women like you. You will surely find a couple using google.

Also, when we know that most of the time we can't really trust "signals" unless they are very clear (see my last posts), would you rather have a man doubting his own attractiveness? If he did, I don't think he would want to make any advances.

In summary, I can see how you might get the creeps with some attitudes, but I still fail to understand why thinking a woman will like you is a bad thing.
Honestly, I don't get what you are saying here. The example I quoted was arrogance. Thinking you are god's gift to women is arrogance. I don't know how to tell a guy to be more confident. Just be more sucessful in your life, I guess. And I don't mean money.


I think what you are saying is: There is a fine line between cocky and confident. Yeah, there is. And it is all subjective so some women will think you are a cocky jerk, where others won't. I can't explain it really anymore than that, since I'm not a woman.
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Old 05-23-2010, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,708,237 times
Reputation: 3631
Quote:
Originally Posted by boodhabunny View Post
Its not just men who make that mistake.
I just did this myself though I, in my defense his actions triggered my thought process. My new boss is totally sweet, a really nice guy and majorly hot. Whenever he sees me he gives me this really big bear hug, is always winking/smolong at me and calls me "doll".

After thinking about it, I decided to go for it. The day after our training session, we were sitting really close and flirting he starts talking about his wife! He mentioned it was her birthday and asked me to help him pick out a present for her. He told me how much she meant to him, blah, blah, blah *where's that vomit smiley?*.

Lesson learned: Nice doesn't always means "I want you". He's just a touchy feely person, who is an outrageous flirt and completely unavailable. But he is an amazing boss and I'm really looking forward to working with him. I'll just have to get over the feelings I let myself get for him. Fuuuuun. *sigh*
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Old 05-23-2010, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,708,237 times
Reputation: 3631
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225 View Post
You seriously can't see the difference between confidence and disgusting arrogance?

I honestly don't know how to describe confidence. But saying something like "well if that woman doesn't like me she must be a lesbian" is arrogance.
Sorry, out of reps. +1
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Old 05-23-2010, 11:46 AM
 
Location: NH
552 posts, read 766,726 times
Reputation: 479
I have always looked at it this way. A woman who is is truly interested will be nice, but will say key things or phrases, or use certain body language to show interest.

I don't think I tried once to pick a woman in the past 10 years by asserting myself and "taking a chance". They have seeked me out. I am not saying this out of arrogance. I think that if you put the ball in the womans court, they will respond if interested. If you can make a woman feel comfortable with you and not pressure them or give awkward, arrogant, or any type of "interest signals" that are unwanted, they will respond appropriately.

Of course the key is to learn when they are interested and following through the right way..
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Old 05-23-2010, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Sango, TN
24,882 posts, read 11,454,835 times
Reputation: 8447
I think where the problem comes in, is that he doesn't ask about it, and then lets his mind go where it will.

I've been friends with girls before, and asked them out. A few of the times, they agreed, we went out, and that was it. Some of the friends were girls I dated, that just didn't work out.

The key is, to let them know that you're interested in a relationship. Then its up to the woman. Do you get pissed he even asked, or do you accept the advances, but decline them in a polite manner, and thats the end of it?

Women, in my experience are emotional creatures. Generally, they aren't happy with you asking them out, and retreat from the friend relationship for a while at least. I think thats the wrong attitude. If you just said "Thanks, but I'm not interested in you that way", that should be enough. If he continues to pester you for a date, then thats his problem.
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