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Old 05-25-2010, 06:39 AM
 
Location: Kansas USA
154 posts, read 189,073 times
Reputation: 477
For all those who were berating me for wanting to have a gun, I posted yesterday afternoon that it was a bad idea and I didn't do it, ok? Ok.

For those who said I made my bed, now lie in it, go to hell. He wasn't this way in the beginning.

He is in jail now. He punched me, pulled his pocket knife on ex, I called the police, done. He cannot post bond so he will be in jail for awhile. I called the prosecutor's office this morning and they said he will be arraigned this morning at 9am. Then he will be given a court date, which they will also let me know when it is. I am safe for probably two weeks, they will let me know if/when he gets out. When that time comes I am going to stay with friends for awhile.

Thanks again everyone.
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Old 05-25-2010, 06:52 AM
 
3,261 posts, read 2,741,017 times
Reputation: 3884
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adoptstrays View Post
For all those who were berating me for wanting to have a gun, I posted yesterday afternoon that it was a bad idea and I didn't do it, ok? Ok.

For those who said I made my bed, now lie in it, go to hell. He wasn't this way in the beginning.

He is in jail now. He punched me, pulled his pocket knife on ex, I called the police, done. He cannot post bond so he will be in jail for awhile. I called the prosecutor's office this morning and they said he will be arraigned this morning at 9am. Then he will be given a court date, which they will also let me know when it is. I am safe for probably two weeks, they will let me know if/when he gets out. When that time comes I am going to stay with friends for awhile.

Thanks again everyone.
Sorry to hear that you had such a rough night. I hope you and your ex are OK.
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Old 05-25-2010, 07:26 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
6,562 posts, read 6,772,261 times
Reputation: 10551
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutz76 View Post
Your appeal to emotion is noted, but it still doesn't change anything. She put herself in this situation and plenty of people have given her reasonable advice on how to get out of it. Trying to reframe the situation by painting him as some thug that she needs a gun to defend herself from is pure hogwash from what I've read thus far. He's got a temper, big deal. There's no history of him actually being violent to her or making threats. Being perceived as intimidating and actively intimidating someone are two wholly separate things.


You know what, I'm a reasonable guy. Perhaps I missed a post where he was doing these things. Please indicate where at in this thread she said he was actively being verbally and/or physically abusive towards her trying to intimidate or scare her into submission.

You are so obtuse it's frightening. Her original post discussed his VERBAL abuse. If you can't see it, you need new glasses - maybe even eye replacement surgery.

Get a clue.
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Old 05-25-2010, 07:33 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
6,562 posts, read 6,772,261 times
Reputation: 10551
OP, I'm glad you weren't seriously injured.

Apply for a TRO - right now so that when he gets out, you will have your protection in place. Do not listen to anyone who says you cannot get one. He physically assaulted you and your ex, that is sufficient grounds. In ALL states.
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Old 05-25-2010, 08:01 AM
 
1,325 posts, read 1,118,291 times
Reputation: 949
Quote:
Originally Posted by NY Annie View Post
You are so obtuse it's frightening. Her original post discussed his VERBAL abuse.
Is that so? I just looked at it and he's got a thuggish background, but it appears to be old news and is in his past. She mentioned him venting about the neighbor's dog that barks all day long. That's the big verbal abuse that scares her? Really? The worst thing he's done that she's mentioned is him throwing things. Meh. Everyone I know has had a heated argument at some point in their life and said things that aren't nice and/or slammed a door or thrown something at some point.

He's not a nice guy, but he's also not abusing and smashing her face in every time they have an argument. And there's no indication he will. What he may do is toss some stuff, slam some doors, call her not nice words, etc. Again, she's less afraid of him doing something to her and actually just fearful of conflict and all the negativity and "icky feelings" that comes along with it.

Time to be a big girl and move on. If she's really that afraid he'll do something to physically hurt her then break up in public or some place where friends are nearby.
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Old 05-25-2010, 08:06 AM
 
2,608 posts, read 2,681,755 times
Reputation: 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Croye22 View Post
And this is something I fail to understand - why do girls like the OP choose these type of people and want really do anything deep down to drop the guy despite the horrible treatment?
It's simply a matter of insecurity mixed with poor judge in character.

Some people just can't see past the veil of deceit. It's not entirely their fault, as american culture has become very prevalent with fake and deceptive personality. He puts up a curtain that looks wonderful to her in the early dating stages, but she never gets to see the true man behind the curtain. The true man will peek his head out once in a while and that's how you're supposed to tell what kind of person he is, but her insecurity won't allow her to take note of it because she is justifying his actions because she's blinded by the curtain of fakeness that she thinks is the real him.

When you like someone, you give them the benefit of the doubt because you don't want to have to be the one to walk away. Especially harder for aging women who fear that they will never find a man that cares as much about them. This is why I feel like women will wait until they have another potential candidate ready to be with them by the time they actually break up with you. They can't handle the insecurity of not knowing how long they will be alone for (a week? a month? rest of their life?).
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Old 05-25-2010, 08:12 AM
 
2,608 posts, read 2,681,755 times
Reputation: 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adoptstrays View Post
For all those who were berating me for wanting to have a gun, I posted yesterday afternoon that it was a bad idea and I didn't do it, ok? Ok.

For those who said I made my bed, now lie in it, go to hell. He wasn't this way in the beginning.

He is in jail now. He punched me, pulled his pocket knife on ex, I called the police, done. He cannot post bond so he will be in jail for awhile. I called the prosecutor's office this morning and they said he will be arraigned this morning at 9am. Then he will be given a court date, which they will also let me know when it is. I am safe for probably two weeks, they will let me know if/when he gets out. When that time comes I am going to stay with friends for awhile.

Thanks again everyone.
That statement in bold is a MASSIVE common problem. You think the man you're dating in "the beginning" is the real man. It's not. It takes time for you to get to know someone, and I'd advise you to keep this thought in mind for the future. You already sold yourself on him too early and then blamed it on him because "he didn't act this way during our wonderful honeymoon stage of our relationship".

Blame him all you want, he has problems, but there's people like me who never get in trouble or in life threatening situations because I simply don't allow myself to be around people who are like that. I know some people who have been to jail and done time, and they said if they were never around "this person" growing up or at the time then they would've never gotten into those problems.

Look in the mirror.
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Old 05-25-2010, 08:16 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,766 posts, read 7,393,457 times
Reputation: 6298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutz76 View Post

He's not a nice guy, but he's also not abusing and smashing her face in every time they have an argument. And there's no indication he will..

Time to be a big girl and move on. If she's really that afraid he'll do something to physically hurt her then break up in public or some place where friends are nearby.
Can you read? He's in jail right now for hitting her.
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Old 05-25-2010, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,753 posts, read 53,292,302 times
Reputation: 36360
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adoptstrays View Post
For all those who were berating me for wanting to have a gun, I posted yesterday afternoon that it was a bad idea and I didn't do it, ok? Ok.

For those who said I made my bed, now lie in it, go to hell. He wasn't this way in the beginning.

He is in jail now. He punched me, pulled his pocket knife on ex, I called the police, done. He cannot post bond so he will be in jail for awhile. I called the prosecutor's office this morning and they said he will be arraigned this morning at 9am. Then he will be given a court date, which they will also let me know when it is. I am safe for probably two weeks, they will let me know if/when he gets out. When that time comes I am going to stay with friends for awhile.

Thanks again everyone.

So sorry things didn't go smoother last night!

For those here who were stupid enough to tell you yesterday that he wasn't "violent", shame on them. But you knew what he was capable of and followed your instincts - GOOD FOR YOU.

Now, don't let him sweet talk you into dropping the charges - stick to your guns (figuratively, of course, lol!)
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Old 05-25-2010, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,753 posts, read 53,292,302 times
Reputation: 36360
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutz76 View Post
Is that so? I just looked at it and he's got a thuggish background, but it appears to be old news and is in his past. She mentioned him venting about the neighbor's dog that barks all day long. That's the big verbal abuse that scares her? Really? The worst thing he's done that she's mentioned is him throwing things. Meh. Everyone I know has had a heated argument at some point in their life and said things that aren't nice and/or slammed a door or thrown something at some point.

He's not a nice guy, but he's also not abusing and smashing her face in every time they have an argument. And there's no indication he will. What he may do is toss some stuff, slam some doors, call her not nice words, etc. Again, she's less afraid of him doing something to her and actually just fearful of conflict and all the negativity and "icky feelings" that comes along with it.

Time to be a big girl and move on. If she's really that afraid he'll do something to physically hurt her then break up in public or some place where friends are nearby.

You really want to keep going down this path???? Give it up already

Did you miss the post above where she states: " He is in jail now. He punched me, pulled his pocket knife on ex"

He was OBVIOUSLY someone to be feared, was obviously a terrorizing bully. And she IS being a big girl and moving on
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